Mother's Day surprises

I received in my inbox yesterday some very cool surprises. After receiving my HUGE edits on Tuesday with two months to rewrite my first novel and word from the mechanic on Wednesday that our car is dying, I tried to listen to the Lord and instead let fear win.

Then I sent a prayer request to my awesome ACFW friends and the return emails opened the door for me to truly hear the Lord and stand in faith. God is sooo good! Not only did my friends encourage me with their prayers and words of "you can do this!" but they also prayed for my little girls~ that God would provide a car so we can take them to special horse riding lessons we found for a very low cost. Something extra incredible we wanted to do as a gift for them.

My mommy heart was so touched that happy tears slipped out.

Then another email surprise came. The National Institute of Marriage (an AWESOME resource worth your time in checking out) sent a Happy Mother's Day email with a special story of encouragement.

The story?

It was mine. ;-)

I was so excited and humbled that God and the great folks at NIM would use my words to encourage other moms. I'm going to share it with you all as well.

May God encourage all of us today to be the people He created and smiles at as He watches over us with His perfect loving care.


The Article Archives
Topic: Encouragement

A Mom's Greatest Gift
May 11, 2006
Amy Wallace

Written by: Amy Wallace, www.amywallace.com

There's one thing the Lord consistently uses to touch my heart when nothing else will— My three pint-sized princesses. Through them, He shows me more of His heart and more of my need for Him.

My girls greet me with hugs and kisses and tell me I'm, "the most beautifulest and wonderfulest mommy in the world" even when I feel every bit the opposite. A precious glimpse of His unconditional love.

When their sad eyes water because of the hurtful lies they believe when I speak harshly, God uses those little faces to drive me to my knees and back to Him.

When I want to hide from the world because of all the pain and unhealthiness I see "out there" and in me, my little girls smile and tell me that when they grow up they want to be like Jesus and help people and tell them God loves them. Their pure enjoyment of God and desire to share Him with others reminds me that even in the bad, God is good and He has good plans.

But I have to say the neatest thing they've shown me is a picture perfect example of a truth I learned at the [National Institute of Marriage] Intensive. I'll share two illustrations...

The first is from the day after my husband and I returned home from the [NIM] Intensive. After four full days of not seeing our girls, we went into each of their rooms together to say good morning. We shared a little of how God answered their prayers in that He was working in our hearts and healing our marriage. My oldest daughter's eyes danced while we talked. Then when we were done, she jumped from her bed and hugged us at the same time~ a very long and tight hug. Our middle daughter had the same intense reaction and added, "I'm so happy you went and that you're home." Our youngest wiggled with smiles.

My girls all danced with hope that God was indeed healing their mommy and daddy's hearts. I will always treasure the look in their smiling eyes. Eyes full of joy, anticipation, and brimming over with love.

Another illustration is from a few days later. As the girls and I settled back into our everyday routine, I shared many of the things we had learned at the intensive. We talked about living out of fear and how to get out of that fear cycle by running to God and asking Him what's going on in our hearts. Then asking what He says about the heart messages.

One morning's chaos gave an opportunity to put into practice what I'd been teaching. My oldest spent the morning talking over people, talking when she was supposed to be working, and not giving anyone else a chance to speak. I pointed out her demand to be heard was coming out of a heart wound. She looked at me with sad eyes and said, "I don't think anyone will listen to me. I'm afraid people will think I'm not good enough to listen to."

My heart hurt. We sat on our couch and I asked her when was the first time she could remember feeling that way. She talked about me yelling at her years before over a handwriting assignment. I listened and my heart broke for the pain I'd opened her up to with my unhealthy way of handling stress by yelling. After she finished sharing her memories, I suggested she head up to her room and grab her teddy bear and talk to God about all that hurt and ask Him what the truth was.

She went to her room and the crying I heard nearly shattered my heart. She bawled and bawled. I bawled with her downstairs, but didn't go try to make it okay. I knew God could do a better job than I could.

When she came down we talked about her hurt. I listened and cried with her. I shared how I was so wrong to yell and how sorry I was that she hurt. We talked about the lies she believed when I yelled. The lies that she was “not good enough” or “not worth listening to.” I asked her to forgive me for yelling. She did. She went on to share what truth God spoke to her hurt. "He told me that He loves me no matter what I do."

Such simple truth shone from her eyes. I knew she'd heard the Lord and He'd worked in her heart. But what she shared next, I will forever treasure in my heart. My oldest looked at me and with tears in her eyes said, "Thank you, Mommy. I'm so glad you went to that marriage thing." She hugged me with a fierce hug and skipped away.

I sat there awed by what God had done in my heart and in hers.

In my daughter’s eyes and thanks I saw an amazing truth: The greatest gift I can give my children is my own health.

Without getting with God to heal my heart, I could not have helped my daughter learn how to run to God.

Without being healthy, I could not have heard her pain, cried with her, and asked forgiveness.

Without God’s healing in my heart, I could not have shown my girls what Christlikeness looks like in skin and bones.

And without both my husband and I receiving the healing that only truth from God brings, we could not have shown them the power of forgiveness, the picture of Christ and the church in marriage, or given the gift of a healthy home.

All these things will aid them well in their walk with the Lord. They won’t have to spend thirty plus years wondering around in a desert of longing and pain with hurts and lies from the enemy filling their hearts. Those lies that constrain us like the grave wrappings Jesus commanded taken from Lazarus when He raised His friend from death.

My girls will have to make their own choices as they journey with the Lord. My heart health won’t prevent them from experiencing pain. But living from a whole, full, and healthy heart will show them how to handle that pain. It will show them truth not hidden by an unhealthy life.

And we know as absolute fact, “You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”

That’s the greatest gift of all.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

A child’s perspective on Mother’s Day

Today I’m doing a new thing. Something I haven’t seen on any other blog. I’m featuring what I believe is the youngest guest blogger ever. She’s an eight-year-old dynamo kiddo and very special to my heart.

My own firstborn precious princess.

The reason for featuring her is many-fold. First, Elizabeth is an aspiring author who’s already submitted one story for publication and has such a talent this proud mommy wanted to share her second story. Second, I wanted her to know how special her story is to me. And third, this mommy wanted something a little new for an encouraging Mother’s Day message.

We moms wear all sorts of hats on any given day. My favorites are kid-hugger and chocolate-sharer. ;-) But I also do a fair share of discipliner, dish washer, sick day cleaner upper, boo-boo kisser, devotion leader, book reader, teacher, and role model.

Very often I’m not proud of how poorly I do the above listed jobs. I often fail to speak kindly and love well. And I cringe when I think what type of example I’m setting. Especially on those terrible, awful, no good, very bad days when I should have just stayed in bed.

That’s where Elizabeth’s essay comes in. She wrote about why her mommy is the best mommy in the whole world. I was in tears when I first read it thinking more about how I fail to live up to what she penned.

Then it hit me… this is how my daughter remembers me. She sees beyond my failures and has seen my heart. A heart I know for a fact is filled with love for her and her two precious sisters.

So please read the following story and hear not a “look at Amy” essay. My prayer is you’ll hear my daughter’s words and consider that maybe, just maybe, your children see beyond your mistakes and love you so very much too.

For those to whom this might be painful because you can’t imagine your children saying such things about you…remember your Heavenly Father has already paid for your failures and He knows for a fact there is so much good in your heart.

Isaiah 40:11 says, “He gently leads those that have young.” God is leading you in this most precious calling and cheering you on as you wear one of my favorite names in the whole world, “Mommy.”

So here’s an early Happy Mother's Day to all you moms!!! You are such a precious gift to your family.

Now for my most wonderfulest guest blogger…


My Awesome Mommy
By Elizabeth Wallace

My mom is wise, priceless, helpful, and attractive. She loves to spend time with me and I love to be with her.

She homeschools me and we sometimes go on mommy dates to fun places like the park. She likes to play games and read with me. We do crafts and learn other languages, such as German. It’s lots of fun to go on field trips and walks-or just to play outdoors. Mommy wears lovely dresses and clothes when we go out, and nice sweaters at home. Mommy and I both like music-dancing, listening to it, or singing it. It also brings us enjoyment to read a good book. My mommy is gentle, loving, and kind. We have the best time together.

My mommy encourages me to do my work well all the time. She is glad when I read good books that help me use my imagination. She lets me play and helps me to do my best work. We do projects like mixing vinegar, baking soda, and red food dye in a “volcano” to make it erupt or dissecting an owl pellet or sewing a teddy bear.

For the summer, we go to the beach, do art, explore, study nature, and many other fun things. She uses money she earns from writing books to buy me new clothes or other things for our family. She also gives me what she knows I’ll like for my birthday and Christmas.

In conclusion, my mommy is awesome and deserves much praise. Clearly, She is terrific and helpful.

May all you mommies know how much you are loved! Happy Mother’s Day!

Finding the time

Have you ever struggled to “get it all done” within the twenty-four hours a day you have? I’ve heard it said people like Ben Franklin had the same 24-hour day we have and look at all he accomplished.

That so does not encourage me.

Then I’ve had this interesting thing keep happening to me recently. A number of people will ask me this question…

“How do I find the time to write???” or “How do you do all you do in a days time?”

My answer… “I wish I knew.” ;-)

Inside I’m looking around my life and wondering what in the world they see. I have dirty dishes, dirty laundry, paint-chipped baseboards, and a to-do list a mile long that’s serving only to collect dust bunnies that have escaped their other normal hangouts.

At the same time, I do have three amazing little girls, a neat house, and two full-time jobs~ homeschool mom and author. I know full well how I have those. God. And a great hubby who takes up the slack when I’m writing.

Now that might seem like a Sunday school answer I tell my students at church not to give. But the truth is, I am who I am and I do what I do only because God has called and equipped me.

Same as you.

Same as ole Mr. Ben Franklin.

We each have the same allotment of 24 hours a day to live the life God created us to live. He’s the one who gives us dreams and then asks us to put them in His hands.

Sometimes fear keeps us sitting on our dreams instead of opening ourselves to what God wants to put there. Sometimes the season of life we’re in requires a little more time in God’s “classroom” before we’re able to step into the reality of the dream He’s dreamed for us.

But regardless of where we are and why, there’s a lesson that holds true every time.

I love The Message translation of Matthew 6:33-34:

“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.

Don't worry about missing out.

You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

That in a nutshell is how any of us do what we were created to do and excel.

I so needed this reminder from the Word today. I hope it encourages you too.

In case you’re wondering, I do have a longer answer to the question of how I find the time to write. It goes a little something like what I wrote to a fellow mom friend…

“I write mostly on Saturdays and my family has taken up the slack and are awesome encouragers telling me to do what God created me to do. For me I can't not write. It's part of who I am. And for this season it's part of what God has called me to and given me the time to do. I struggle with it though. I think we, as moms, are especially prone to feel guilty about something. I'm learning to stay before the throne of Grace and trust that if He says write, I'll write and entrust all of it to Him.”

To that I’ll add~ homeschooling has taught me a lot about the necessity of personal organization. I don’t follow a “method” because none I’ve read fit me perfectly. But I’ve taken bits and pieces and adapted them to fit my life. For example, my girls have room time or naptime every afternoon for about two hours. They go to bed by 8:30 pm at night. I do my “life stuff” like exercising, emails, keeping our budget, working on Sunday school lessons, and all the odds and ends we all have during that time.

And when Saturday comes, I write.

For twelve awesome hours I get the privilege of pouring out what God has poured into me through the power of a story. My prayer is what comes out will somehow be used to draw others to Him and give my readers a sense that the God of the universe loves them and has a special plan for each of their lives.

The coolest thing to see is God’s people embracing who He created them to be and living out of the fullness we have in Christ. It looks amazing on each one of us.

And different.

But the lesson of finding the time is the same for all of us…

“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

He is with you yesterday, today, and forever. One day at a time. Always by your side. Loving the unique person He created in you.

And smiling.

The Dance Revisited

In looking through some old blog posts for a dear friend of mine facing a hard time, I came across an entry entitled The Dance. Reading it again, I knew God took me there to speak to my heart once more like He did the day I typed the first post.

I so needed the reminder.

If you've read The Dance before~ I hope it will encourage you all over again and remind you to keep dancing.

If you haven't read it~ my prayer is that the Lord speaks directly to your heart words that will serve as an invitation...

To Dance.

There's a line from my story in Chicken Soup for the Soul Healthy Living: Diabetes that won't leave me alone. It says: Dance. Even when life hurts. It's better than the alternative.

I've talked a lot about dances on this blog and in the youth discipleship group I loved leading: the fear dance, The Great Dance, and in my newly published story, "Dancing with Diabetes". All of these share a common element of comparing hard things in life to a dance.

One of my favorite songs from college does the same thing. It’s a Garth Brooks song called "The Dance." Like the author of this song, I shared a dance with someone that left me alone holding a broken heart. Listen to these lines:

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars above
For a moment, all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye.

And now, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance.

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn’t I a king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say, you know I might have chanced it all.

And now, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance.

I know life is not left to chance. But it is better left in the hands of our loving God who knows best. Even when what He decides hurts.

Truth be told, I had no business staying with the guy that left me brokenhearted. God warned me to get out of the relationship and finally showed me the truth I didn’t want to see. But like a lot of painful things in my life, God has proven He truly does work all things for good.

He’s the author of the Dance. My dance. And yours.

There are so many times I’d like to sit this dance out. Like when my diabetes is out of control or when things in my marriage hurt. But if I truly believe God is good, I have to keep dancing, even when life hurts. Why? Because I know from experience God has something to show me. Something good.

I was reading a chapter in my writer’s devotional on being like Peter, my all-time favorite Bible character. To anyone who knows me well this is no surprise. ;-) I’m so like brash, bold, impetuous, loud Peter. I only hope God has great things in store for me like He did for Peter.

Every time I hang out with my three princesses or my Bible study girls, I know for sure He does. They remind me God has a good plan.

They also help me to remember the dance is worth every step. Even the ones that hurt.

Back to Peter. Here are some of the quotes that hit me so hard as I read. Quotes that led me to thinking about this dance of life.

“Be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.” 1 Peter 4:7 NIV

“Keep on doing what is right and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you.” 1 Peter 4:19

And the final line from today’s devotion: “He has chosen us and will equip us so that, through the words we write and the lives we live, we will effectively be able to ‘show to others how God called [us] out of the darkness into His wonderful light’” 1 Peter 2:9

Those verses challenge me. First to keep my mouth shut when I’m angry so that my rash words don’t bring further damage in a tough situation. Something I’m still learning and failing at more than I succeed. But I’m learning. I’m a glorious mess. God is so getting that point across to me.

Second, those verses challenge me to trust myself to God because He will never fail me. People will. But that’s not an excuse to sit this dance out. To withhold forgiveness. Or to refuse to love.

That’s hard. Hard on a good day and even more difficult when I’m looking at the surrounding storm, watching the waves. And sinking.

Not only is Peter my favorite Bible character, but his story of walking on the waves is also my favorite place to go for encouragement.

God called Peter into that storm and out of the boat.

And even though he started to sink, God was there to rescue Peter.

Me too.

When I listen. When I dance. And more often than that, my awesome Daddy pursues me when I’m trying not to listen and instead working hard to sit things out in disobedience.

I don’t believe I’m alone in that. Peter and I aren’t the only ones that focused on the waves and sank. Right?

Wherever you are, whether enjoying a great dance, or trying to sit one out, please listen closely to the Father’s outstretched hands and love-filled command to “Come.”

You see, He’s playing your song.

Don’t sit this one out. Because when this dance lesson is over, we’ll be dancing for all eternity to the perfect rhythm of grace, in the arms of our Perfect Partner.

So dance. Even when life hurts. It’s worth every step.

What's in a word?

This past Saturday I received my first real taste of what it means to be a writer. And it came in a most unexpected way. I'm a writer. Not a speaker. But God put two pretty amazing opportunities in my path that I couldn't find a way to veer around. So I walked straight ahead and right smack into them.

With much fear and trembling I might add.

I’ve never given a talk without a little inward war happening in my belly. Even when I teach Sunday school—which I do almost every week—I get nervous. Most times I can pray through it and settle down without another thought.

But going to speak when I’m up in front of a crowd as an “author” is another story. My knees literally start knocking and my voice gets quivery. And I vow I’ll never do it again.

This past Saturday was a whole different experience.

First off, until right at the starting time, it didn’t look like anyone would arrive. I’ve heard of fashionably late, but this was something else. By the time people arrived, I'd already decided to enjoy a nice brunch with the lady who invited me to speak and then head home. No knocking knees. No quivery voice.

Then when people did start to trickle in, I got involved in some conversation and forgot I was there to speak. We enjoyed a nice brunch and then when I was introduced, I just started talking. Shared a little about my family and jumped into the body of my talk.

About Heart Chocolate.

Between the subject matter and the smiling faces of some precious ladies, I felt at home. By the end of our time together, I felt refreshed and recharged. These ladies had given me a gift.

Through their nodding heads and bright smiles, along with a few “Amen’s” when I’d say something about enjoying chocolate, I received encouragement and learned a valuable lesson.

There’s power in our words.

It’s not like I didn’t realize that before. But this time the lesson was different. I was speaking as an author to people I had never met before. I went to encourage and to teach and came away the recipient and student.

These wonderful ladies listened to what I had to say and took the time afterwards to share with me what an encouragement I’d been to them. One precious lady even wrote to me later to say God had confirmed a direction for her through my talk.

Talk about the power of words.

As I pondered all that God was doing in my heart, I started to feel a familiar fear creep in. What if my stories and books don’t help, but hurt people? What if I handle a difficult situation in such a way that offends or worse, wounds? What if what I say doesn’t matter to anyone?

Worse yet, what if the same can be said of both my spoken and written words to those closest to me?

What if my fiction characters’ faults are thought to portray my family’s and people think poorly of those I love? What if my words don’t help, but instead wound my husband and children, my friends?

Scripture at times doesn’t comfort me in this fear. Verses about every word being brought into account terrify me at times. I know for a fact I’ve said and written things that I’m not proud of. Ashamed of actually.

Then I remember how John 1:14 says, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” And I realize that’s the greatest power of them all. The Word became flesh.

And He dwells with me.

He forgives me.

He gives me the power to seek forgiveness when I’ve hurt someone.

He even has in His plan the power to bring good out of each and every situation, out of each and every word. And He’s not finished with me yet.

So no matter what happens with my written and spoken words, I know Jesus is there. Guiding me. Disciplining me when I don’t listen. Cheering for me when I follow His footsteps. Picking me up when I fall.

Which makes me desire even more to consider the power of words…

The power to wound or to heal.

The power to shame or encourage.

The power of hate or of love.

The power to make a difference in another person’s life. To encourage change. To help people grow.

My deepest passion in life is to know God and show people, though healing hearts, how to glorify God by enjoying Him.

That happens through the power of words.

Prayers. Emails. Letters. Novels. Sunday school lessons. Speaking engagements. Hopefully even blogs.

And my daily prayer from Psalm 17:3 continues to be, “Lord, I have resolved that my mouth will not sin. The only way I can do that is through You working in me, guarding my mouth, guarding my heart. Help me speak Your words of life today. Help me write them too.”

I’d sure appreciate your prayers for me to do just that. I fail at this most if not every day. But each morning I’m learning to get up, confess my sins, and start the day fresh with His new mercies. To love a little more with my words. To listen a little more to His words. To rely a little more on Him to live through me.

After all, He’s the Word made flesh dwelling among us.

There’s nothing more powerful than that.

U-Turns for Teens

I'm pleased to announce one of the two new and very awesome God Allows U-Turns books! These are wonderful books filled with stories that will meet you where you are and touch your heart.

I'm showing this cover because I'm a contributing author in God Allows U-Turns for Teens. My story "If Only I Were Beautiful" delves into God's redemptive use of my past to help teen girls learn the Source of real self-confidence. These books are available at CBD and the God Allows U-Turns awesome website.

Or you can stop by my Heart Chocolate website and sign up to win your choice~ one of three U-Turns books: God Allows U-Turns for Teens, God Allows U-Turns for Women, or my first one, God Answers Mom's Prayers. The drawing will be held on March 31st and announced in my discussion board. If you haven't joined the Heart Chocolate community~ what are you waiting for? ;-) We'd love to have you!

Here's a blurb for God Allows U-Turns for Teens...

Do you feel like you’re headed down a road that shouldn’t be traveled? You’re not alone. Sometimes it’s too easy to find the wrong path. Sometimes you just feel lost. But God is waiting to help you turn your life around; He wants to show you the way. This powerful collection of stories from real-life teens offers encouragement and support as you overcome poor relationships with your parents, physical or sexual abuse, drug addiction, or painful consequences. With God, all things are possible.

Are you ready for a U-turn?

What's your worth?

The other day I had a rare car ride alone with my oldest daughter. She confided in me that she wished she had curly hair and went on to add that she liked the name “Marianne” because when she says that name she sees a young and free little girl with beautiful curly hair who wears cute clothes and not glasses which make her look too old.

Everything my daughter believes she is not.

My heart hurt for her. Hurt because as we talked I heard all the lies I’ve believed too. Hurt because my daughter is struggling with things that run so deep for every female I’ve ever known or read about.

I’d be beautiful if… (fill in the blank)

I’m not pretty, important, worth being noticed because… (fill in the blank)

We can all fill in those blanks, can’t we?

What hurt even more was that I realized anew how painful those lies are and how hard it is to see the truth. Even for adults. When we have TV and movies and books to tell us that we should be this tiny size or have that type of hair or wear this type of clothes, it’s hard to believe God made us correctly.

The whisper comes to us like it did to Eve…

“Did God really say?” In other words—maybe God made a mistake.

I’d like to do what Eve and Adam did and play the blame game. It’s the TV’s fault. It’s society’s fault. It’s those mean kids who teased my daughter about her glasses.

But the truth is we have the power to choose.

We believe the lie or the truth.

We accept the world’s view or we don’t.

We believe God made us beautiful in His sight, exactly how He intended us to be.

Or we don’t.

But so what if we don’t believe God made us right with our straight or curly hair, with our pear or apple shape, with our glasses or not…then what?

Then we slide down the slippery slope of unbelief that leads in the opposite direction of our Heavenly Daddy’s arms.

Whether we’re eight, like my daughter, or eighty~ if we hate, dislike, could stand to improve, or are just mildly dissatisfied with our bodies~ we’re in effect looking in the face of our Creator and saying, “You didn’t make me right. You made a mistake.”

And who wants to hang out with the person that’s to blame for all we don’t like about ourselves?

My eight-year-old daughter is already getting hammered by the lies of the enemy attacking her beauty and her concept of who she really is. Lies that if left unchecked by the truth would eventually lead her away from the Lord to any number of painful places.

To spending lots of money on “cute” clothes. (And having to replace said clothes every few weeks because the fashion world and people’s opinions are fickle.)

To a male’s attention.

To self-hatred and depression.

To diet after diet ‘til the mirror tells her she’s beautiful.

Which won’t happen.

Because the mirror only reports what’s written on your heart. What you believe.

So what do you believe about yourself? Do you believe you’re beautiful? A unique creation that the God of the universe delights in. A beloved child of your Heavenly Daddy who said in the Garden and still says every time He looks at you, “It is good.”

Or do you believe your hair, clothes, glasses, body shape, and name say differently?

Let me share with you what I shared with my little girl…

I told her that the enemy is trying hard to get her to base her worth on the outside stuff. The things we can’t change—without much pain and expense—like our body shape, eyesight, and hair type. Instead of what God says is most important.

Our heart.

Our heart, which—if we belong to Him—has already been redeemed and made new. A heart that, if we live out of the truth, can change the world and shine His glory. A heart that, if we believe the truth, rests in His presence and glorifies Him by enjoying Him forever.

But when we base our worth on the outside stuff, we depend on anyone and everyone else to tell us we’re okay. And that quickly leads to pain. Compromise. Dissatisfaction. Anger at ourselves and others for never seeming to make the cut of what’s enough. Or, if we make the cut sometimes, we end up on the treadmill of acceptance working hard to keep the positive opinions coming.

Never looking to God. Or if we look to Him not really believing what He says is true. But that doesn’t change what’s true.

God says we’re beloved children. (Isaiah 43:1)

Beautiful. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

The apple of His eye. (Zechariah 2:8)

Worth counting every hair on our heads and capturing every tear in his bottle. (Matthew 10:30-31 and Psalm 56:8)

Worth singing over. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Worth dying for. (John 3:16)

Worth living with forever. (John 14:2-3)

Worth waiting for and wooing so that we’ll turn from the lies, from the fickle opinion of our mirror and other’s words, and come home. (Matthew 11:28 and John 6:29)

To an opinion of you that never changes. (Hebrews 13:8)

Is filled with love. (1 John 4:8-10)

And given with a smile and outstretched arms. (Luke 15:20)

Don’t believe that? That’s okay. It’s still true.

But God’s desire is that you believe the truth. In fact He said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)

Maybe it’s time to take another look at that mirror. Only this time, ask the Lord, “What do You see? What’s true about me?” Then listen closely.

The one who sees you first thing in the morning and even on bad hair days says you’re worth far more than rubies.

In fact, He is enthralled with your beauty. (Psalm 45:11)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

I'd like to tempt your tummy with a little ditty about this here picture straight from the Godiva website...

"Some attractions are just too powerful to resist. Surrender your heart to our universal object of love-- chocolate! A sumptuous assortment of milk, dark, and white chocolates, including ganaches, creams, caramels, and nuts." Valentine's Day Ballotin 1 lb. (36 pieces)

Why am I sharing this picture and write up? Besides the fact that it's my treat to myself for signing a three-book deal with Multnomah Publishers, it's also what I'm sending to a very special winner from my Heart Chocolate contest. Please come check out the Discussion Boards at www.amywallace.com to find out who that special somebody is! And while you're there, sign up and join the Heart Chocolate community. Right now we're talking about fiction, the life of moms, a writer's life, and my favorite subject... chocolate. :-) There's also a place to talk about Bible studies and a special place for students. I'd love to see those boards get busy with some God-sized encouragement to be found there.

I'd like to leave you with a Valentine thought for this special day we celebrate love. I quite think this is a Hallmark holiday that we as Christians need to embrace and show the world what love is really all about. Chocolates are wonderful (my girls and I have taught my husband well in this area) kisses and cards from my kiddos are awesome. But knowing I'm unconditionally loved by at least four people in addition to my Heavenly Daddy...priceless. ;-) Because that's what it's all about...LOVE. Without it we wither and with it we blossom.

The all-time best place to find it is in the arms of your Heavenly Daddy. Here are two posts about Unfailing love and The Call of God that are worth a second read.

Other incredible places to receive love once we're enjoying the love of God... a spouse, kiddos, friends. And a most important place... ourselves. Check out A Place of Grace to see what I mean.

And when all my words on love fail to perfectly capture the essence of love, there's only one place to turn...

1 Corinthians 13. Paul calls it the most excellent way~ LOVE.

1 Corinthians 13 (NLT)

If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.

Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.

It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.

There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!! You are LOVED!!!

An Invitation

Thank you all so much for praying about the whole message board mess! I'm excited to report the boards are back up and running and we didn't lose any information while things were being fixed. You guys are the best! :-)

So now I get to issue the formal invitation I've been wanting to send....

Come one, come all to the Heart Chocolate Message Boards!!!

Where: www.amywallace.com
Click the link titled Discussion Board and then the "Enter the message boards here" button. Please fill out a quick registration and come join the fun!

When: Anytime!

Why: To be encouraged and connect over all sorts of topics. If you don't find a topic you're interested in, please create a new one.

Thanks again for your prayers and for your help in making the new message boards a thriving community where we can all come to relax, grow, and be encouraged.

Once things get a little busier on the boards my wonderful webmaster hubby is going to add a new feature~ a live chat forum designed to host authors, marriage counselors, student leaders, and others for interactive question and answer times.

All of these neat features, my website, blog, teaching, my writing, parenting, and loving my husband and friends can be summed up in my one all-consuming passion. It's something I've spent time praying about and asking God to clarify for me. Here it is... My all-consuming passion is to know and show others~ through healing hearts~ how to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.

That leads to my second invitation:

What's your all-consuming passion? I invite you to talk it over with God and let Him show you not only how much He loves you, but also who He created you to be.

Here's to living with passion and loving well.

Message Board

I had hoped to post last week and let you all know the message board at my Heart Chocolate website was up and running. But before I posted here, the boards went down. Something about a phpbb error and we can't get technical support to get it fixed. I'd sure appreciate your prayers as the boards were starting to get busy and a community starting to form. My heart is to host a place where we can chat about all sorts of life things and give and receive the encouragement we need.

Life is hard, but God is good. And it sure helps remind each other of that truth.

Thanks for your prayers! I'll let everyone know when we are back and running.

I'll close with a thought I'm pondering today as I get ready to start work on book 2 of my new romantic suspense series and get ready to teach tomorrow~

Remember... God is smiling and singing over you. His thoughts are filled with how awesome and incredible you are and how much He loves you. Check out Psalm 139 and picture it. Your Heavenly Daddy loves you SO MUCH!

He IS smiling... at you.

Enjoy Him today.

A Sneak Peek

Long time, no blog... I know and I've been praying about what to write. Well tonight the inspiration hit. In one week I'll be doing my first speaking engagement. Just typing that makes my insides quiver a bit. But it's about a topic near and dear to my heart. So I'm giving you all a sneak peek into my talk. And asking for your prayers.

I'll be speaking to a mom's group at my church Thursday, February 9th, from 10 am to 12 pm EST. Please pray hearts would be ready to receive whatever the Lord does and that my voice will convey my heart without wobbling. :-)

Here's the meat of the talk minus what I hope are some jokes worth laughing at and some group exercises to help what's said make it into application.

Thanks for praying for me! I already feel a little less nervous.

Slow the Rush and Enjoy the Journey


1) Take care of yourself.

As moms especially we tend to put ourselves last on the list if we even make the list of people to take care of. With little ones, time alone is a hard commodity to come by. I understand that well. So what I want to talk about here isn’t one more thing to add to your already packed To-Do list. It’s about your heart.

One of the first things I learned at the marriage intensive I attended a year ago was that we live out of what we believe in our hearts. And from our earliest years the enemy has been whispering lies we’ve accepted as truth. Lies like…

I’m unlovable.

I’m helpless.

I’m not good enough.

I’m stuck.

I’m a horrible mommy.

These lies zap so much of our energy before we even get started on the daily stuff. And doing the daily stuff while we’re already worn out emotionally and physically then adds to these lies. Nasty cycle.

The way out is simple. Not easy. But simple.

There are two aspects of this way out.

#1 is getting with God to deal with the lies

#2 is learning how to get filled instead of drained.

Dealing with the lies

The first step in dealing with the lies is facing them, bringing them into the light, and asking God “What’s written on my heart?”

Next is feeling the pain behind the lies. The memories where those lies got started. Crying here is healing. Not the angry crying we may have done when we got hurt or the manipulative crying we might do to try and stop the hurt. But just feeling the hurt.

The last part is asking God what the truth about you is.

Here’s how that looked for me the first time I started dealing with my heart. For as long as I can remember back I’ve always had a painful sense that I’d never quite hit the mark. I tried to prove wasn’t true. In fact, my perfectionism and type A drivenness could be traced back to this one lie.

I’m a disappointment.

When I got alone with God to talk to Him about it, I tried to reason away where I would have believed that lie from and tried to ignore the memories. But as soon as I asked God where that lie started, the memories flooded in. Times when I messed up on test in school, times when I tried hard to please my mom and never could, times when my mom yelled at me and told me how she wished I’d never been born.

Those times were instantly so real I could taste the tears I cried then. But then I was hurt and angry and didn’t understand. Now, as an adult, I just felt the hurt. And understood I’d lived out of that lie, which is exactly what the enemy wanted me to do. Not my mom, not the other people who said I disappointed them. I chose to believe a lie and live as if it were true or trying to prove it wasn’t true. Instead of letting God show me what was true.

So I asked Him. After I’d cried and cried with all the memories, I asked God, “What do You say about me?” And to my absolute surprise, He answered. Not me conjuring up an answer, but one that made my heart pound and my soul smile. God spoke straight to my heart and said, “Amy, you are my beloved child with whom I am well pleased.”

I found out later those were words God had spoken to Jesus at His baptism, before He’d even begun His earthly ministry. Then I was positive God couldn’t have said them to me. Me? But He did. And through the counselors at the marriage intensive, God showed me He did indeed speak and did truly mean I was His beloved child and He was pleased with me.

It’s been a year and those words still grab my heart and hold it in a hug from God.

He does speak. He longs for us to hear what He truly thinks about us.

And that’s the first step of healing. Get the lies out in the light and talk it over with God. Listen to what He says about you. It will change your heart from a place of rocky soil where there’s little room for the Word to take root and grow, to a place where truth and life flow freely.

Getting filled instead of drained

I’d like to share some scriptures here that illustrate both why and how we get filled.

The first is Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Jesus lays out the 2 greatest commandments. Love God. Love yourself and others. Two things to keep in mind here. You can’t love yourself or others without loving God and letting Him love you. That’s where we learn what love means and looks like. The other thing is you cannot love others unless you love yourself. You have to be filled inside to have anything to give away.

Here are a few more scriptures worth considering:

2 Cor 1:3-5 The God of all comfort will comfort you so you can comfort others

Rom 15:13 God fills us so that we might overflow to those around us

Luke 5:16 Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray

Mark 6:31 Jesus told the disciples to be by themselves and rest

Based on those scriptures, here’s a short version of why we are to take care of ourselves~

God commanded it

Jesus modeled it

And the Holy Spirit empowers it.

There’s the why…here’s the how

Both Mark 12:30 and Luke 2:52 speak to four ways to get filled

The two greatest commandments in Mark 12:30 show the four areas we need to get filled in. Love the Lord with all your heart (emotional), soul (spiritual), mind (mental), and strength (physical).

Luke 2:52 says Jesus grew is wisdom (mental) stature (physical) favor with God (spiritual) and man (emotional)

Emotional

Listen to your heart, get information from your feelings, don’t ignore them

Example: journaling or talking to mature Christian friends~ so often I hear truth I was missing when my best friend points out a scripture or an idea that hadn’t crossed my mind.

Spiritual

Hang out with God. Not “read for an hour every day and pray for another hour.” Just hang out with God because you want to and because He wants to hang out with you. Sure, read your Bible and pray. But not as a task, as a way to get to know God.

Examples: getting outside with nature, listening to praise music, listening to a child pray. My top two here are listening to a mountain stream and my children praying. I’ve gotten away to listen to a stream alone that a few times, but since I’m a busy mommy, I can’t do that often. So I bought a few water CD’s at Target. They’re great! My other one is listening to my children pray. So often their simple, faith-filled talking to their Heavenly Daddy reminds me that’s how I’m to come too.

Mental

Feed your mind with healthy things.

Examples: Turn off the TV and computer. Turn on praise music or read a good book. Philippians 4:8 thinking isn’t just a good idea, it’s a command for our very best.

Physical

Studies show our bodies need at least 8 hours of sleep. I know for a fact I’m not a good mommy if I’m sleepy and grumpy. I stand a far better chance of listening to God and living in His strength if I obey His command to take care of myself. That includes sleep.

Example: Getting 8 hours of sleep at night. Eating healthy. Getting regular exercise. That’s not a To-do list item either. It’s a necessity for your mind and body that you can combine a few things to accomplish. If you like to read, what about reading for 20 minutes while walking on the treadmill? Or taking your kids in a stroller and walking abound the block? There are ways to multitask without adding lines on the list.

Taking care of yourself is the best gift you can give the people around you.

Taking care of ourselves is also one of the most important ways we make it possible to enjoy the journey of mommyhood.

If you’d like more information or to go more in depth in this area, check out the Life Resources section on my website for the link to some Bible studies I wrote for a women’s conference and then revised to teach my senior high Sunday school class about getting whole, full, and healthy. There’s also a discussion board on the website to talk about these studies and connect and learn with other women. Please come visit! www.amywallace.com

2) Prayer

To me prayer is all about loving God and loving others. One of the ways I most effectively serve my husband and children is to pray for them. It’s also some of the best time well spent.

Resources:

Praying the Armor from Ephesians 6

Stormie O’Martian’s The Power of a Praying Wife

Stormie O’Martian’s The Power of a Praying Parent.

Another resource in praying is listening to how God answers the prayers of others. God Answers Mom’s Prayers. I have a story in here entitled “For This Child.” It’s all about how God answered my prayers for protection with a “No” because He had a greater lesson to teach me. Plus, it’s a great example of my tornado second child and how I went to the emergency room in her place.

3) Nurture Your Marriage

Splashes of Serenity devotional: “Nurturing a good marriage goes a long way toward nurturing a child.” Not only that, but nurturing a good marriage goes a long way in nurturing your heart and drawing you closer to God.

Resources:

Simply Romantic Nights and Simply Romantic Secrets from FamilyLife.

Having a date night might feel at first like another thing to add to the “To-do” list, but taking the time once a week or once a month to really stop the world, connect, and focus on each other is worth the time spent. It can slow the rush of life and give you a little oasis where you can fill up and relax.

My marriage wasn’t well enough for over nine years to do any of those things. If that’s where you are, I have two recommendations. One is the Smalley Couples Intensive and the other is Dr. Douglas Rosenau. He is the most amazing counselor we’ve had. He really loved us both and helped us see the good worth working for in our marriage.

4) Calm bedtime routines

A few one on one minutes of calm can really revitalize our mommy hearts and help us connect with the hearts of our children.

This daily activity helped me stay sane many a day. It renewed my vision for loving my job as a daily clearner-upper, bottom-wiper, discipliner, and all the rest of my mommy hats because it gave me a glimpse of the pay-off. I could snuggle with each child in the quiet of their room and sing a lullaby, pray, and just chat a few minutes to see how their day was. Even my high-energy tornado kid would let me rock her and be still while I prayed and sang to her. It calmed us all down after a busy day.

I started this routine when they were babies. We’d wash face and brush teeth and then go into their room to have a few minutes together. While I was with one, the other two would be in their rooms reading or resting. I start with the youngest and go up in age in order because I figure the older they are the longer they can handle waiting.

Having a calm nighttime routine is one of those mommy things that top my Treasured Moments list. It’s worth working to put in place. For our children and for us.

5) Mommy and child dates

Planning special time to laugh and play with each child can nurture both mom’s and kid’s hearts.

We do this once a month with each child. Usually, we let the girls choose the activity. We’ve gone to the library to read, the park to play, occasionally out to dinner, a walk through our neighborhood, or to the children’s section of a bookstore. We often spend anywhere from one hour to three depending on our family schedule and needs.

My husband and I also take turns each month so that every other month we each get some good one-on-one time with each child. It’s so worth the time to get to know each child in their uniqueness and let them see how important they are to you.

6) Building into the schedule time to play as a family

Carving out time to just have fun slows the rush down and builds memories that enhance joy both now and later. We protect Friday nights to have game nights in our home. We’ve taught our girls how to play marbles and we all have a ball with that. My two year old loves holding the biggest, shiniest marble and chasing after the ones we don’t catch. We also play UNO and a host of board games and card games.

Sometimes we just read together as a family. We’ve recently read Little Women and Little Men by Louisa May Alcott, Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery and all of us snuggle up and imagine the story.

A few times we’ve popped popcorn and watched a movie like Anne of Green Gables or Beauty and the Beast.

7) Purpose not to wish or pray away the journey

There’s a quote from and old In Touch article about the persecuted church in China that I will never forget… “American Christians pray, ‘Lord deliver us from this trial.’ Chinese Christians pray, ‘Lord strengthen our backs.’”

What a different perspective.

God loves us more than we can imagine. And sometimes He shows it by giving us tough times to strengthen our faith. God gave me a priceless gift in the tough pregnancies and difficult first years. He gave me Himself. He captured my tears in a bottle and reminded me over and over not a one of them was shed in vain.

The truth is we can't stop time or even make the clocks move slower. But we can take care of ourselves, pray, and find practical ways to slow the rush and enjoy this journey. We can purpose to seek God and enjoy Him~ that’s the all-encompassing way we find the abundant life, the joy Jesus came to give us. My favorite line of the Westminster Shorter Catechism with a slight tweak from pastor John Piper says this, "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever." In doing that we can slow the rush of life and find joy in the journey of mommyhood, watching God work in and through us.

Here’s to the journey…may you enjoy it with all your heart.

A Word for the heart

It's ten days into the New Year and I’ve been mulling over a blog post by my wonderful mentor Mary Griffith about a word for the year. After reading her post and a few other bloggers' entries about the word God had given them for the year, I decided to ask God about a word for me.

The answer came quicker than I expected.

It both frightened and thrilled me. Frightened me because this is an area I’ve known God wanted to talk over with me for some time. And I’ve sort of avoided the discussion because it felt impossible for me to “do” what I thought He wanted me to do. But these past few days God has shown me that it’s not so much about me “doing” but me resting in Him and my word for the year will happen.

What’s the word?

ENJOY.

And immediately after He gave me this word, He handed me a speaking engagement where my topic is none other than my word for the year. It’s about slowing the rush and enjoying the journey through knowing and enjoying Him.

Then He let the testing come to drive home His point.

In the past few weeks I’ve been blessed over and above what I could have asked or imagined. And with these awesome gifts has come a question.

Will you trust Me?

I keep saying, “Yes, Lord. I trust You.” And then I get busy trying to tie up all the loose ends of life... today. Loose ends like five years of scrapbooking pictures sitting in boxes begging to be put in my books. Homeschool lessons to schedule for next year. Books to read. A mom lit novel burning in my heart to finish before I jump into my contracted series. Sunday school lessons I’ve wanted to teach for a long time that require much of me to do well. Then there are the daily things of life that I hold dear…laughing with my children, snuggling with my husband, talking to my friends on the phone and by email.

I can’t do any of these well when I let the rush of “have to” get in the way of enjoying the journey.

So God had to exhaust me last night with the futility of trying to do it all and then show me today how life doesn’t work well if I refuse to obey His two greatest commandments.

Love God and love others as myself.

I’d put my agenda as my focus and missed the joy in the journey. I hadn’t loved God well because I decided to depend on me to get it done. I hadn’t loved myself well because I was sleep deprived and hurting with all the stuff I was putting on my shoulders. And I certainly hadn’t loved my most favorite others~ my family~ because I was grouchy and rushed in all I was trying to do.

So I took a nap.

And woke up this afternoon knowing for sure the Lord has so much to teach me this year! But I’m glad for it. I’m glad He never lets me get so caught up in my To-Do lists and agendas for long. He wants me to get this word for the year.

ENJOY.

Enjoy the sunrises I’m blessed to see, the precious moments I have talking with my Daddy before the day swings into motion, connecting with my hubby, the sweet hugs of my girls, talking with my friends, and feeling the pleasure of God as I do the work He’s called and created me to do.

I can’t do any of that when I’m in rush mode. And I certainly can’t do any of it with my whole heart resting in the Lord. So ten days into the New Year, I have my word and the Lord has cast the vision before me with a clear reminder to simply trust Him.

My Daddy is not bound by space and time.

In fact, He has all my days and all the good works He created me to do in Christ Jesus already figured out. He’s not in a rush at all. And He provides the energy to do them as I rest and trust Him with a quiet heart.

My Daddy is God of the impossible.

I’ve seen it before and I’m sure I’ll need to see it again, but I know for a fact God can do more in one minute when my heart is depending on Him, than I can do in days and days of striving.

My Daddy loves me and will never stop drawing me to Him.

Sleep is a precious gift God knows I need. And God is a precious, loving Daddy who will do what it takes to keep me close to Him. Even wear me out so that I’ll see His way is BEST. Always. In LOVE.

The vision God cast before me, including my word for the year, can be summed up in one simple favorite phrase John Piper slightly altered from the Westminster Shorter Catechism …

The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.

Here’s to the journey! And enjoying each step…

Keep a Quiet Heart

During this time of the year it seems so many people make and break New Year's resolutions, think back over the past year, look ahead hoping to make the New Year better, and yet there’s a vague sense that all isn't well. They feel...restless. Not sure why or how to fix it. So they get busy, get organized, pray more, do more, read more, and on and on the To-Do list grows.

Me too.

But today I'd had enough. I can't stand the static in my soul caused by the vague sense that something is wrong. So I prayed and wandered around in my thoughts digging up lies I'd believed in the past few days that were weighing heavy in my heart. Lies that are so familiar it bugs me to admit I'm still listening to them.

Lies as old as dirt, yet with a new twist. The “I’ll never be good enough” is now “I’ll never be a good enough writer—people will read my stuff and think it’s mindless drivel or full of sentimentality without any meat.” Or they won’t buy my books. Or I won’t win any awards or make it into a book catalog. Or this and that and even more of the other. An endless list of reasons why I’m “not good enough.” I already had a pretty long list of reasons before I added these writing ones.

The “I’m unlovable” lie has expanded to include the belief that I’m also a freak because my life isn’t a frenzy of activity during the holidays or any other time. And because I’m not busily involved with life, my kids are missing out and I’m not doing enough to serve. So I feel guilty. Add to that my comparing myself to talented authors and speakers whose biographies are filled with interesting accomplishments, and I come up short every time because I’m not doing enough. I’m not perfect enough, not nice enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough. And on and on the list of why I’m unlovable grows to unmanageable proportions.

I thought I’d dealt with these lists a year ago.

But there’s an enemy who doesn’t stop reciting those lists. An enemy who keeps whispering these lies are truth. So often they feel true. And often circumstances seem to confirm they are true.

Even though a tree on Calvary says different.

In the midst of realizing I was beginning to operate out of these lies again, a still small voice invited me to dance. I almost ignored it in favor of doing a Bible study that was on my To-Do list for today.

But the nudge was too strong and my heart longing too big to ignore the only One who could help me.

So I danced.

I told my Daddy all the things I’d believed while we swayed to the music. Then I started telling Him what I knew in my head was true. He stopped me there and spoke for Himself.

“You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased.”

I stopped dancing and fell on my knees crying.

It doesn’t matter to God what my biography says or how many good things I do. I’ve learned I can’t keep a quiet heart when I’m busy. And when my heart isn’t quiet I miss times like tonight with God.

That I can’t live without.

So I listened to His whispered words to my heart and let them sink deep. Because what He says is all that really matters.

And He says I’m His. I’m my Daddy’s daughter regardless of what my flesh or the world tell me I should be.

The Great I AM is my Daddy. And I am His.

With that truth, my heart quiets.

The Launch

The month of December has traditionally been a roller coaster ride~ all the joy of decorating, all the family stress of who travels where and when, and all the wide-eyed wonder of little ones. Add to that my wedding anniversary on New Year’s Eve and I have a sometimes enjoyably breathless, sometimes incredibly stressful December.

This year it’s been enjoyably breathless. Thank You, Lord!!!

My marriage has grown up by leaps and bounds and we’re enjoying a December that’s been filled with heart chocolate and warm snuggles. Thank you all for the prayers…. many of you have been His voice of truth to help me hang on to the fact that God is good and He has a good plan.

My kiddos have been joyous messes as we’ve baked cookies and wrapped and unwrapped lots of love in specially chosen packages. They’ve added so much sparkle to this special time of year.

On top of all that, God saw fit (in the fullness of His time) to extend an early Christmas present in the form of three published stories due out in March and October of 2006. I’m so excited about these stories because in each of them I get to share my heart and offer words of encouragement to three special groups of people~ fellow diabetics, expectant moms, and teen girls.

Adding to my excitement is my wonderful web designer husband who has my website almost ready to launch. And he’s done an amazing job. The debut will be THIS SATURDAY~ NEW YEAR’S EVE!!! (www.amywallace.com) My husband’s heart and talent shine bright on every page. This site is our way of ringing out a year of growth to be celebrated and ringing in a new year full of promise. Please come visit me there!

Then, just to be sure I got the message that God does indeed have good plans for me, He did something even better than I could ask or imagine…

He, through the wonderful people at Multnomah Publishers, extended a THREE BOOK CONTRACT!!!!!!!! Come February 2007 Ransomed Dreams will move from the dust bunny hideout under my desk to store shelves and beyond.

God is so good!!!!!

He was good when life hurt so badly I wanted to give up this time last year, and He is good now. What an awesome God we serve!

As we celebrate the end of 2005 and the beginning of 2006, please join me in dreaming big. God is good and He does have good plans for each one of us…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Another cool God kiss

Last night, after enjoying a relaxing cup of eggnog by Christmas tree light with my wonderful hubby, we came down to the family room and got busy on our computers. I did some blog touring and catching up, which was great. My husband did some work on my soon-to-come website. This weekend he designed a yummy splash page to announce the coming soon. In my totally unbiased opinion I think it's awesome! ;-)

Here's the link: www.amywallace.com I'd love to hear what you think.

Before I went to bed, I surfed to a website I used to check often to see if I made it into my second book compilation. But enjoying Christmas with little ones has had me so happily busy I hadn't checked the site in a good while.

Well, last night I saw that the list was posted...

And....

I MADE IT!!!

The U-Turns book The Choices Teens Make will be coming out in October of 2006 with my story "If Only I Were Beautiful" in it. I'm SO excited!!!

Still no news about my two novels, but I'm learning with every baby step that God is good and He has good plans, contracts or not. It's nice, especially this bustling time of year, to relax and enjoy the goodness of God.

God kisses and heart chocolate make this the most wonderful time of the year for me!

Merry Christmas with God kisses

Merry Christmas!!!

This is truly a most wonderful time of the year this time round! All the painful work God has done in this past year finally feels like it is coming together and creating an incredible holiday season I'm thoroughly enjoying with my family.

We started with a Thanksgiving to remember... dancing with my two year old to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and watching all three of my princesses wide-eyed wonder at the floats and singer and festivities. My youngest pointed to the Rockettes' routine on the TV and said, "mommy dance." I look nothing like a Rockette, but it sure felt nice to be so seen by my baby. ;-)

Since then we've enjoyed decorating the house, hanging precious picture ornaments together on the tree, having Christmas pictures taken, (and actually enjoying it!) and making a gingerbread Christmas tree. And we still have many more fun, memory-making things planned. Tomorrow we bake cookies and next week we are going to see the Nutcracker at the Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta.

Plus, we have the annual holiday trip to Brusters for scoops of eggnog and peppermint ice cream all around. And ice skating on Christmas Eve. Then my girls' favorite thing to do on Christmas Day...putting up the Baby Jesus on our advent calendar.

We’ve done most of these things for years now, but this year everything sparkles a little more through happy tears as we read Christmas stories and snuggle together by the glowing tree my girls picked out and their daddy cut down.

My heart is full and overflowing.

But that’s not all…here’s where the unexpected God kisses multiply.

As my family life has grown more and more healthy, I’m learning to enjoy the moments instead of frantically capture them. One huge God kiss after another there. My writing as well has taken me places I’ve never gone before—some amazing and some awful. I’m still waiting to hear back from two publishing houses that have been very interested in my first two novels. This is both amazing and awful at the same time. ;-) I’ve also made it to the final editor stage for three short stories, with contracts signed.

Then I found out the highest paying one fell through. I didn’t make the final cut. And it was the one I felt most sure I’d see it printed. I was sad, took it to God, and then moved on and kept working on my third book.

Here comes the coolest part…

Yesterday I got the entire galley for the Chicken Soup book my story didn’t make it into. I was shocked and decided to delete it, not wanting to know which ones made it without mine in there.
But my husband insisted I just look. So I did.

And there was my story.

It's the last one in this compilation. I get to close this awesome book with one of my favorite lines I’ve written to date.

“Dance. Even when life hurts. It’s worth every step.”

I made it after all!!!! I was in total shock. Then I shared the news with my girls and they danced around and said, “Yeah, Mommy!” That’s when I felt it.

My eyes watered…

My heartbeat grew faster…

And God bent down and whispered a kiss into my soul.

He does have good plans for me. For my writing and for my precious family. Because I’m His and He loves me.

To be loved like that is the greatest of all gifts my Daddy could have given me this most special time of the year.

Thank you, Abba. You’re the BEST!

A Martin Luther moment

Gearing up for the holidays has been something I've enjoyed since childhood. Unfortunately, growing up in the painful family I did, all my excitement usually ended with ugly family arguments or icy silence during and after the holiday.

This year is different. The family argument has already taken place before the holidays even started. But this time I’m different too. I laid appropriate boundaries and stuck with them even when my mother laid all the blame at my feet and said because of my boundaries she would not come visit and hung up on me.

Needless to say that was a hurtful conversation. But I took it to God and am still growing into all He’s show me through these circumstances. One of the first things He revealed was my “place” in my family of origin. I have, ever since I can remember, been the family “bad guy” and “scapegoat” because I tried to be the family counselor and no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I was the problem for saying we had a problem. When I became a Christian in my teens, I became even more of a “problem” because I had words to define the awful stuff that went on in my “everything looks good on the outside” family.

It took this year’s argument with my mother for me to face my role as the “bad guy” in my family. To see that I still believed her insults even though I pointed out what’s wrong in our family system and said I wouldn’t continue to walk that way.

But God had something different to say about who I am.

When I went to Him with all the hurt and all the painful things that were said, God took me to three different verses about blame. I’ve personalized them in my special Bible verse album (it’s a dollar store photo album) that I look through when I’m discouraged. It helps me remember the Truth.

The first verse was Ephesians 1:4: “For God chose Amy in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love…”

The next verse God showed me is one of my all-time favorites~ 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24: “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify Amy through and through. May Amy’s whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”

At this point the truth started to seep into those wounded places in my heart and wash out some entrenched lies. I don’t have to “get blameless” or prove anything to my family. God is the one who makes me blameless and keeps me blameless in Him. And, not to be cold, but it doesn’t matter what my family thinks. What they say and how they treat me is on them, not for me to bear and live as though it’s true.

How I act is another story.

So I started talking to God about all the ways I’ve failed to be a godly example to my family and all the ways I’ve failed to honor and respect my parents. I started to see how I’ve tried to push harder and work faster to get blameless and make myself perfect to avoid the painful rejections from my family when I did mess up. Instead of resting in God’s perfection, I tried to get there on my own.

Big mistake.

But one that is like all others… paid for at the Cross.

When I started thinking about the Cross, that’s when my Martin Luther moment happened. Like Luther’s reading in Romans and realizing salvation is by faith alone and the amazing revelation of God being a God of grace and love, I had my “ah-ha” moment reading in 1 Peter 2:23-24.

“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”

All I could think over and over in my mind and heart was, “Jesus bore my sin. Jesus bore my sin. Jesus bore my sin.”

While I’m pretty sure I had a vague understanding of this at salvation some twenty years ago, the everyday truth I missed. But in reading those verses and talking about all my family stuff with God, He made it real to me. I don’t have to bear my sins. In fact, I can’t. Jesus already did.

Even if my family wants a perfect Amy who sees no wrong or else I’m insulted and punished verbally for my opinions, I don’t have to receive what they believe and play the family scapegoat role. Jesus bore my sins. And He left me an example to follow as well as the Holy Spirit’s power within me to do as Jesus did.

So this holiday season will be different for me in many ways. While I won’t see any of my birth family and that saddens me some, I also won’t be playing the old family role either. I’m stepping into a healthier place. One where I hope and pray my parents and siblings will choose to join me. I’m trying to invite them in little ways. But even if my family doesn’t respond, this truth and the healthier place it has produced in me is bearing fruit in my own family. I’m learning in action that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved, and neither do they. My husband and I and our precious princesses are being freed by this truth to enjoy each other and celebrate this holiday season with renewed hope.

We give thanks because Jesus came as a baby and grew into a man for the purpose of bearing the sins of the world on a tree.

My girls and I were talking about this a few days ago. About how the shadow of the cross was on the infant in the manger. What an amazing truth.

I pray I’ll remember each day that the shadow of the cross rests on me because the blood shed there paid for my sins. Totally. The only role I have is that of God’s Beloved Child. I don’t ever want to forget or fail to be moved by this simple truth…

Jesus bore my sins.

Unfailing love

Last night I did a Beth Moore Bible study on the topic of unfailing love. It's taken me two years to get to Week Eight of Breaking Free, but I keep plugging away. And quitting. And going back again. God has to show me over and over in real life before the words in this study make it into my heart.

The whole idea of living free and especially grasping the truth of unfailing love is a tough one. Before this week I don’t think I could have really processed the little that I did last night. I’m so glad God is Sovereign and cares that I read the right thing at the right time for it to burrow deep into my soul.

Not only that, but He also orders my circumstances to make sure I don’t miss a thing. Even when I wish He wouldn’t.

It’s been a tough few days around my home. Make that a tough few weeks, and really, a tough few years. Looking at it objectively, there have been some wonderful good times and some horrendous bad times. Lately it feels like the tide has turned back to more of the bad than good. But I think that’s actually a function of my attitude more than it is the “facts” about each day.

God is using it all to drive home a point about unfailing love.

I can’t get it from my husband.

I can’t get it from my children.

I can’t get it from my friends.

I can’t get it from my writing.

And I can’t even force God to prove it.

That hit me like a load of bricks today. Me, try to force God to prove He loves me??? Yep.

Unfortunately, that being two before God thing doesn’t always mean I’m cuddly and sweet and coming to Him like an adoring child. I think I’m a lot more like a two-year-old tantrum than I wanted to admit.

So God had to shine the light and hold a mirror in my direction once again.

And He worked through one of His favorite means in my life… my girls. Not just my three little princesses, but also my Bible study girls. One of which sent me an email today talking about the deadness she felt inside. All I could think to say in response was, “Me too.”

So that’s what I typed. But my conscious wouldn’t leave me alone. Just commiserating about how life sucks isn’t what God gave me words to do. Sure it’s important to bear one another’s burdens and weep with those who weep. That’s what I started doing, but it wasn’t enough.

And maybe nothing I said will be enough. But I’m praying what God started to show me as I typed will be. If nothing else I hope it will plant a seed.

This young lady is precious to me, as are all my Bible study girls and the seniors I teach on Sundays. But the one who emailed me today is unique in that God seems to be walking us down similar paths. It’s humbling to write with the intent of encouraging and teaching only to end up realizing I’m the student.

I didn’t start my email response to her with the purpose of teaching. My only thought was to let her know I’m right there with her. But I couldn’t stop typing once I started, because God got a hold of my heart.

I remembered my Bible study last night on unfailing love and it hit me that I'm feeling numb inside because I shut myself down. Because I'm so tired of my own failure and the hurt from other people failing me. I'm even a little angry with God for not answering prayers and changing things I've begged Him to change for a long while now.

There’s that forcing God to prove He loves me. I didn’t realize it, but I was saying in effect…

Heal my body and I’ll believe You love me.

Heal my marriage and I’ll believe You love me.

Give me a book contract and I’ll believe You love me.

God says simply, “I love you with an unfailing love.” Period.

No conditions.

Just the Cross.

And His Word.

Proverbs 19:22 “What a man desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.”

Proverbs 20:6 “Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?”

Every human alive longs for, desires, and is so hungry to have unfailing love that we'll do anything just to get a taste. Even numb out as a way to deny the pain when this need feels unfulfilled.

But only God is capable of unfailing love. In fact the Biblical words for unfailing/ agape love ONLY refer to God. We humans can't muster or get "holy" enough to love that way. And no human can love us that way all the time. We all fail. We fail to love and be loved well.

But God doesn't. He loves anyway. No matter the sin. No matter the anger. No matter the deadness inside. No matter what I perceive as unanswered prayers.

Those “unanswered prayers” are one way God got my attention to see that the fight I’m to fight isn’t about forcing Him to prove He loves me. Or to get others to love me the way I want to be loved.

It’s the fight of faith that counts. The fight to believe the truth. And walk in it.

The fight that runs to God believing that God and God alone is the only one capable of unfailing love.

We either fight the fight of faith and keep fighting or we try to deaden our hearts a little more every day. If we fight, there will be times of rest, times of healing, and- ultimately... finally...in God's perfect time - complete rest, healing, and peace.

But if we give up and deaden our hearts, what is there? No hope. No possibility of joy. Nothing. That's where the enemy wants us to stay. Because he knows who we were created to be and he fears us.

Love and joy and faith are painful. No two ways about that. But inner deadness isn't really death. It's self-protection. And it doesn’t work.

As I finished up the email to my friend, I was reminded self-protectiveness is a sin because it's denying God's rightful place in my life. He's my Protector and Comforter. He's Daddy and Mommy; Strength and Peace. He's everything I need. And it’s God, and God alone, that loves me with unfailing love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud. God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs. God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. God never fails.”

Jeremiah 31:3 "I have loved you with an everlasting love.”

Period.

Exclamation mark!

Unfailing love.

Not only is God’s love exactly what I need… it’s what I want, what I desire too.

What about you?

Two and then some

My littlest princess just turned two! While I'd like to shout "Yippee!" because she's walking, talking, and has really come into her own, I'm not quite there. Partly because she’s brought with her the totally two attitude... and then some! Also because she’s my last baby and I’m not exactly ready to let go of babyhood yet. (sniff sniff)

With my other two I didn't mourn their babyhood being over. I think I was way too busy to notice, what with another one on the way. But this time I know this is my last biological baby and my other two are long past the lobster claw hands begging to be picked up or the long rocking chair snuggles.

So I suppose my little princess's "NO!" with a smile and pushing the outer limits of my patience are gifts in disguise. They certainly keep me laughing or praying so much I hardly notice she's growing up.

Wonder if I still look two to God…

Mark 10:15-16 says, “I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

I don’t mind looking two in this context!

But it took me having children to see firsthand what this verse meant. Then it took years of heart healing before I could receive it deep and let it free me to come to Him as a little child.

That’s what happened earlier this week.

Last blog I shared about my first visit to the Healing Rooms. What followed that blog post was a week of physical and emotional trial. My blood sugars went wild again and my emotions with it. I grew angry with God and that affected how I treated my children. Except God revealed quite clearly that wasn’t the source of my inner rage. And not until I faced the rage issues and came to Him in prayer about them, would I find the healing I longed to receive.

So being the “good Christian” that I am, I pouted. I accused God of not loving me and said I wouldn’t go back to the Healing Rooms again. (Talk about two year old behavior!)

Then I saw my rage mirrored in my oldest child—in her sad eyes and anger spilling out in everything she did.

I went back to the Healing Rooms three days later.

And God met me there beyond anything I could hope or imagine. I realized then that my first visit to the Healing Rooms weeks before was amazing preparation work. But I hadn’t yet experienced the physical healing I’d hoped for because God was working on something far greater than I expected.

As my prayer team prayed with me, I felt such an outpouring of love. Even as I shared about the abuse I’d endured and the ugly things I’d done in response, they still prayed for me and loved me. They really saw me, emotionally laid bare, and loved me. I cried and bawled with total strangers like I’ve never allowed myself to do before.

Because I felt safe. Safe and genuinely loved.

God used them to speak so clearly and so personally to my heart. They prayed things only God could know I needed to hear and led me to see God in the midst of my pain. Through their prayers for me and with me I finally reached the core of my rage and was able to experience God’s amazing forgiveness, total unconditional love for me, and deep healing from that rage. They spoke such encouragement to my heart and soul and were the arms and hugs of the Lord.

I haven’t yet received complete healing from my diabetes, but I know it’s coming. I now have the hope I lacked after my first visit because God has cleared away so much junk that was blocking all the good He has to show me. I know to the core of my being He will continue His healing work in me.

I’ve seen some improvements in my physical health. Enough to remind me that God’s timing is perfect and I'm willing to wait in expectant faith for the total healing He has already begun. Had I given up after my first visit and stayed angry with God that He didn’t immediately heal my body, I would not have received the heart healing and forgiveness of sins that Jesus knew I needed more than physical healing. Just like the paralytic in the Bible, Jesus knew I needed to experience forgiveness and healing from rage before He could begin the physical healing. And now He is.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

I’ve learned that healing prayer is not a “quick fix” or the way around sometimes slow and painful growth. But through healing prayer God does restore and renew both heart and body as well as prepare a person to receive all the good He has in store for them.

All that to say, I guess I really do look like a two year old to God. Stubborn, wanting a quick answer that comes exactly when and how I want it. At the same time, I know God sees my heart. And while I lovingly discipline my two year old, God is doing the same with me. He’s teaching me the in’s and out’s of growing up in Christ.

And I know He’s laughing with me like I laugh with my littlest princess.

I’m so glad she’s two…and then some!

Heart healing

It's hard to believe there's something better out there than heart chocolate. But there is. It's healing that reaches from your head to your toes and to the depths of your very soul.

Heart healing.

I blogged a few weeks ago about my heart chocolate experience in Nashville and how Brandilyn prayed for me. Well this week I followed through with something else the Lord put on my heart from that time in Nashville. To visit the Healing Rooms. First I visited their web page, which I would encourage you all to check out. There's a quote there that immediately grabbed my heart…

"If you want to walk on water, you must get out of the boat."

Peter and his water walking is my all-time favorite story in the Bible. God has used it over and over to teach me so much. In my marriage, my writing, my teaching, my friendships, in all I hold dear— I sink and cry out… and am learning to walk on water.

So I read the quote and did it again. I got out of the boat and made plans to visit the Healing Rooms. The enemy attacked on so many fronts. My marriage took some painful hits and we almost didn’t follow through with the plan to go for prayer. But God is God and He had appointed a time for us to go.

My husband stepped out of his boat and decided we’d go, even if I wasn’t willing to talk to him. The entire trip to the Healing Rooms was spent in silence. Me listening to the Holy Spirit’s conviction of how I’d treated my husband and forgiving him for how he’d treated me as well. (Over a small incident of selfishness we both fell back into old patterns of relating and let the enemy have a field day in our relationship. Thankfully God is not about to give up on us and has better plans that even our foolishness can’t thwart.)

While we waited for our appointed time to be prayed over we read some of the books on display. One in particular caught my eye. In it I read about diabetes and both physical and spiritual/emotional causes of the disease. I’ve know since I was diagnosed 18 years ago that my mind and heart had a lot to do with this disease manifesting itself in my body. So nothing in that struck me as odd. What knocked my feet out from under me was the statement about severe rejection being one of the emotional roots.

Rejection?

Immediately my mind went to the fact that I’ve never known my biological father. He’s known how to contact me, but never has. And I’ve tried to contact him with no return response. But God had far deeper places to take me.

My husband went to be prayed for and I went a little later with a totally different team. Not my plan, but God knew exactly what He was doing. The team that prayed for me was incredible. We did talk through some issues of forgiveness, but not towards my dad. What came out of my mouth was all about my mom.

After that, the two wonderful ladies on my prayer team spent most of our time together praying for my physical healing. It was an experience like I’ve never had before. Going into the prayer time I had the assurance from the Lord that I would be healed, but that my healing would not be an instant happening. In fact, I had to sign a form that I would not stop any medical treatment before seeing my physician. God showed me then that He had far bigger plans for my healing than just my freedom from diabetes.

What happened at the Healing Rooms is a precious memory to me now, something I will go back to and be reminded of God’s amazing power and faithfulness. But what happened later that night is an even more incredible memory.

It began with one of the prayer ladies speaking to me about God being whatever I needed. I have received Him as my Daddy, my protector and provider, my strong tower where I would run. But I’ve struggled with Him being my comforter, softly and tenderly drawing me to Himself and enjoying me like a mommy does her little ones.

So that night, I prayed about God being whatever I needed and He gave me these verses:

Isaiah 66:12-13 “For this is what the LORD says: ‘I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.’”

Isaiah 51:3 “The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.”

As I started to personalize those verses and pray them, God broke open the floodgates in my heart. Pain I had kept stored there, rejections that felt like a noose around my neck, years and years of memories. Ones I had forgiven and even felt before, but not like this. Not in the context of rejection and how I’d allowed it to define me. I cried curled up in a ball rocking back and forth on my bedroom floor for what felt like hours.

But this time as I cried, I felt the cleansing that can only come from being in the presence of God, laid bare and yet totally loved.

I feel it’s important to say here that I love my mom and she loves me. She is a wonderful person who, like me, lived out of her wounds and wounded others.

But I had to face those wounds, not so much what she did or didn’t do, but what I received from the enemy through those wounds and allowed to continue hurting me over and over again. Feeling the wounds in the safety of God’s arms and proclaiming from my heart forgiveness for my mom, freed me. Internal walls crumbled and I felt God’s presence, His soft, gentle comfort surround me.

I reread those verses and cried tears of peace and joy. God had answered the cries of my heart. I wrote them in a little notebook this way:

This is what the Lord says, “I will extend peace to Amy like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; Amy will nurse and be carried on My arm (provided for and held dear) and dandled on My knee. (enjoyed) As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort Amy.

The Lord will surely comfort Amy and will look with compassion on all her ruins; (my physical body, my past, and the difficulties in my marriage) He will make Amy’s deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in Amy, thanksgiving and the sound of singing.

Typing this I can’t help but smile. The Lord has been so good to me.

And He continues to be. He’s answering the prayers for healing from diabetes and continued healing in my marriage. I’ve already started to see physical improvements in my body and my blood sugars. Slow and steady, but there nonetheless.

And in my marriage… wow. God has been teaching us new ways of living and relating to each other for some time now. But after Thursday, I’ve seen what a major work God is dong in both of our hearts and how it extends far beyond us. Quiet, but powerful, like the sun after a solar eclipse. That’s how I feel. The eclipse has passed and the Son is shining—even brighter than before.

Please keep praying for us. I’m seeing that marriage is a journey of the heart— healing, rejoicing, stumbling, and growing even more, going deeper and deeper still with God and each other. Please pray we’ll stay the course and let our light shine so that many will be drawn to the Lord. In the same way, that my physical healing from diabetes will be used to show many that God is indeed still in the business of working miracles… inside and out.

At war with words

I've been in a pensive state for a few days and a ton of thoughts are converging on one single theme. That's when I know it’s time to blog again.

So what's the theme?

Words.

The recent news reports of prominent people bringing such pain with their poorly chosen words have grieved my heart. Then I look in the mirror and listen to the words that come carelessly out of my mouth and I’m grieved even more.

A few Sundays back I was talking to my 12th grade girls about the Church. In sharing about leadership and their roles within the Body, I felt compelled to share a verse that cuts straight to my heart and sits heavily there.

"Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly." (James 3:1 NIV)

I take that verse very literally and pray with fear and trembling that the words I speak and the words write honor the Lord. Last night that verse weighed even heavier on my heart as I stepped into a new place in my writing career. I received an email from an editor requesting more information because my very first novel is now under “active consideration” with a major publishing company~ my brass ring for that manuscript.

I thought I was going to throw up.

Not the response I'd expected to have when I reached this place. I thought I’d be dancing around and leaping for joy. But I didn’t. I wanted to cry. Because it hit me with renewed vigor the importance of words and how vital it is that I choose mine wisely.

So much so when I write words that people who don’t know me will read.

See, with the senior girls I teach if I say or do something wrong I can face them and ask forgiveness.

Even more so with my daughters. They are quick to forgive when my words are less than godly. Because they know my heart and know I love them. It grieves me so much when I hurt their hearts. It’s an area I’ve committed to bring to the Lord daily. I have so far to go. But when I remember the pain in their eyes at my harsh comments and their speedy forgiveness when I confess my sin, I’m humbled. Humbled that I’m forgiven and that I have another chance to grow and learn and try again to love well.

Same goes for my best friend and writing partner. She calls me on my words nearly every day. Whether on the phone or over the computer, I can trust her to hold up the mirror to see if my words are honoring words of life… or not. And if not, she lets me know and helps me see how to change them. I love that!

She even gave me a plaque that reads, “Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.”

I so need to pray that prayer… often!

But with a novel, words that I’ve written receive no second chance at explanation. I have no option to ask forgiveness if I blow it and write something that offends, or worse, hurts.

Then I remember Martin Luther standing before his written words, being asked to recant what he’d penned. He steadied his resolve and said, “I cannot. I will not…recant. Here I stand.”

The prayer of my heart is that I will walk so closely with the Lord as I type and speak that I too can stand with passion and boldness and know my words are for His glory.

I’m acutely aware that doesn’t mean everyone will like my words. I already know from experience not all words are received with immediate joy. My daughters and my Bible study girls don’t often like the words of correction that come from my lips. But they know it’s because I love them. I don’t like those correcting words directed at me any more than they do. But I’ve learned to receive similar words from people that love me because I want to grow.

And so, I pray that those who read my words will hear my heart. Even more, that they will hear Jesus.

With that prayer on my tongue, instead of throwing up at this new avenue for my words to go out, I’ve decided to throw myself in my Daddy’s lap and ask Him to make my words His. He has called me and I’m trusting He will accomplish His good, His way, and in His time.

I don’t want to war with words, using them to bring death. Instead, I want to fight the good fight and speak words of life. Please pray that I’ll do just that in all I write and in all I speak.

I love the way The Message writes Ephesians 4:29. “Say only what helps, each word a gift.”

May that be true for each of us…