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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Two and then some

My littlest princess just turned two! While I'd like to shout "Yippee!" because she's walking, talking, and has really come into her own, I'm not quite there. Partly because she’s brought with her the totally two attitude... and then some! Also because she’s my last baby and I’m not exactly ready to let go of babyhood yet. (sniff sniff)

With my other two I didn't mourn their babyhood being over. I think I was way too busy to notice, what with another one on the way. But this time I know this is my last biological baby and my other two are long past the lobster claw hands begging to be picked up or the long rocking chair snuggles.

So I suppose my little princess's "NO!" with a smile and pushing the outer limits of my patience are gifts in disguise. They certainly keep me laughing or praying so much I hardly notice she's growing up.

Wonder if I still look two to God…

Mark 10:15-16 says, “I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

I don’t mind looking two in this context!

But it took me having children to see firsthand what this verse meant. Then it took years of heart healing before I could receive it deep and let it free me to come to Him as a little child.

That’s what happened earlier this week.

Last blog I shared about my first visit to the Healing Rooms. What followed that blog post was a week of physical and emotional trial. My blood sugars went wild again and my emotions with it. I grew angry with God and that affected how I treated my children. Except God revealed quite clearly that wasn’t the source of my inner rage. And not until I faced the rage issues and came to Him in prayer about them, would I find the healing I longed to receive.

So being the “good Christian” that I am, I pouted. I accused God of not loving me and said I wouldn’t go back to the Healing Rooms again. (Talk about two year old behavior!)

Then I saw my rage mirrored in my oldest child—in her sad eyes and anger spilling out in everything she did.

I went back to the Healing Rooms three days later.

And God met me there beyond anything I could hope or imagine. I realized then that my first visit to the Healing Rooms weeks before was amazing preparation work. But I hadn’t yet experienced the physical healing I’d hoped for because God was working on something far greater than I expected.

As my prayer team prayed with me, I felt such an outpouring of love. Even as I shared about the abuse I’d endured and the ugly things I’d done in response, they still prayed for me and loved me. They really saw me, emotionally laid bare, and loved me. I cried and bawled with total strangers like I’ve never allowed myself to do before.

Because I felt safe. Safe and genuinely loved.

God used them to speak so clearly and so personally to my heart. They prayed things only God could know I needed to hear and led me to see God in the midst of my pain. Through their prayers for me and with me I finally reached the core of my rage and was able to experience God’s amazing forgiveness, total unconditional love for me, and deep healing from that rage. They spoke such encouragement to my heart and soul and were the arms and hugs of the Lord.

I haven’t yet received complete healing from my diabetes, but I know it’s coming. I now have the hope I lacked after my first visit because God has cleared away so much junk that was blocking all the good He has to show me. I know to the core of my being He will continue His healing work in me.

I’ve seen some improvements in my physical health. Enough to remind me that God’s timing is perfect and I'm willing to wait in expectant faith for the total healing He has already begun. Had I given up after my first visit and stayed angry with God that He didn’t immediately heal my body, I would not have received the heart healing and forgiveness of sins that Jesus knew I needed more than physical healing. Just like the paralytic in the Bible, Jesus knew I needed to experience forgiveness and healing from rage before He could begin the physical healing. And now He is.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

I’ve learned that healing prayer is not a “quick fix” or the way around sometimes slow and painful growth. But through healing prayer God does restore and renew both heart and body as well as prepare a person to receive all the good He has in store for them.

All that to say, I guess I really do look like a two year old to God. Stubborn, wanting a quick answer that comes exactly when and how I want it. At the same time, I know God sees my heart. And while I lovingly discipline my two year old, God is doing the same with me. He’s teaching me the in’s and out’s of growing up in Christ.

And I know He’s laughing with me like I laugh with my littlest princess.

I’m so glad she’s two…and then some!


HeyJules said...

Your baby is growing up!

I love the thought of us being two in front of God. Boy, I bet sometimes He wishes I acted my age for a change!

Any more on the possiblity of the book getting published???

Amy Wallace said...


Yes, my baby is growing up. I sure hope I am too! ;-)

Still waiting to hear back from two publishers who have full manuscripts. One book has survived almost the whole way up the ladder, just the last rung to go. Please pray!

Thanks for asking!

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