It never ceases to amaze me that when I get honest before the Lord, He always shows up! ;-) My last blog entry detailing some of the stresses of life and feeling a slight bit like Job opened up some real and painful dialogue with God.
Which at times has left me feeling like Job~ not all my questions answered, but with my hand over my mouth and my heart crying out “You alone are God!” and “You alone are in control!” Add to that a healthy dose of humility in the face of shaking my fist at heaven and questioning His love and goodness.
I’m so glad God doesn’t anger at my questions or shy away from them. He shows up. And in some ways, He does answer.
I’ve gotten a real kick telling my recent story of God showing up because as a writer, if I put this into a fiction novel people would shake their fingers about the implausibility of it all.
No matter. I was there. I saw God and He left an indelible reminder of His grace…in the grape shade of purple…
After my blog post a few Saturdays ago, God stepped in pretty fast to answer one of my immediate needs~ transportation to church. A neighbor of ours~ a little girl we’ve watched grow into an amazing young woman~ heard my husband talking to her mom about car stuff and she offered us her car so we could go to church. I was humbled as we climbed in and then enjoyed being with other believers knowing that God Himself had carried us there with a special wink and a whisper to trust Him.
Then He promptly closed every available or even slightly possible door for our getting another car. But my mother-in-law let us borrow her car on Monday so that my husband could run to his office and gather more work to do at home until God provided a vehicle. God also allowed me to borrow that car to go to a place that’s become a special invitation for refreshment and renewal. I went to the Healing Rooms and the prayer team that prayed with me and over me was so perfectly chosen by God that I cried and felt God release some deep “stuff” in my heart. One thing they challenged me to do after our time together was to ask my husband to pray with me through our house and seek His direction together.
Given that my husband and I have been struggling some with our communication, I wasn’t sure how this would go over. But God had already gone before me ~ why I’m still surprised at this I don’t know~ and my husband was excited about what the prayer team had suggested. That night we spent a very long time praying together and I have to say God opened my eyes even wider to the gift my husband is. He’s a fallible and imperfect human, just like me, who loves God too. He prayed with such power and confidence that I was in awe. God whispered to my heart, “I’ve got this covered too.” And God does. We’re still working at this tough and wonderful journey of marriage, but God showed up there once again and breathed new life, His life, over us.
Then Tuesday we received a call about a possible car. Not really wanting to get my hopes up, I listened to the specifics and agreed it was worth looking into. So my husband called the guy about his Saturn and agreed to meet him. The man with the Saturn also asked my husband to bring our van because his neighbor~ also a mechanic~ works specifically on Town and Country vans. Just like ours.
Much longer story a little shorter… the two mechanics were gifts from God. Both neat guys, they managed to fix our van for under $200 (when our regular mechanic had declared it dying) and tell us that we have 100,000 miles of good life left in my daughters’ favorite car.
Plus, the Saturn was one of the cutest cars we’ve ever considered and the guy sold it to us for exactly what we had to spend. Not only that but he took our very dying Corsica and slashed $200 off the cost of the Saturn. That ~ with a gift from a wonderful co-worker of my husband’s ~ and we were the proud owners of two “new” cars with absolutely no debt.
Can’t forget to mention our Saturn has a sunroof, a kicking stereo system, and leather seats. I feel like a teenager’s dream of summer every time I slide behind the wheel.
Add to that my mouth ulcers are finally gone~ praise God! And I’m loving my writing again. I’m 12 chapters shy of finishing this awesome story that God has given me new eyes for and a new appreciation of what it means to trust Him and leave the results in His hands.
Did I mention the adorable paint job on our “new” Saturn???
It’s the grace shade of purple.
What an awesome God we serve!
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Life as I know it
Life has become a real-time study in the book of Job. I don’t say that lightly. Thankfully, the Lord saw fit to skip over the losing my children and my barns part. But the rest? Well, let’s just say it’s still crashing around me.
I don’t know how long Job had to deal with painful sores, unanswered heart cries, and more than painful accusations from friends. But I’m sitting in the dust and asking God some of the same questions. What’s the purpose in all this?
Why was I in the ER twice on my vacation? Why did I miss the one place where I go to rest because the pain was and is again almost unbearable? Why have both our cars died right before we were going to give our daughters a taste of their childhood dreams? Why is my husband’s job at risk because a mysterious injury is causing him so much pain? Why is my marriage still stretched to the breaking point? Why is writing a painful exercise in failure right now? With all the work my husband and I do, why can’t we even afford a basic used car? And why do I hurt so much?
Where are You, God?
Many of these questions have been dogging my heels most of my waking moments for the better part of three years. Some, like the intense physical pain and mysterious injuries, are newer. But the deep questions are the same. God, don’t You care that I hurt? What am I doing wrong that so much bad continues? Where is the healing?
I do know I have tons of blessings to count. I have my precious girls, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. For that I’m richer than I deserve. I know that. But sometimes that doesn’t stop the deep spiritual pain of unanswered questions.
Why doesn’t my mom love me?
Why doesn’t my marriage heal?
Why do I feel like a failure ~ unimportant, unappreciated, unseen?
Last night, after a horrid writing day and an unrelenting deadline looming…with my mouth full of ulcers…life and pain got the best of me and I had a mommy tantrum in front of my family. My eldest and her father sat in as Job’s well-meaning friends with things like, “Maybe God is trying to teach you something.” Yeah, and I keep missing it? How does that help me? I probably would have screamed if they’d asked me about sin in my life and religious-sounding hypotheses about if I’d just pray more or believe more or confess more.
They didn’t have to though. I had already been doing all that to myself.
And I still had no answers. I’ve tried to pray. Asked others to pray. Confessed my complaining, unappreciative attitude and my plethora of other sins as well. Tried to write through it, pray through it, believe through it. And my favorite~ not “stress” through it. Like that’s a simple choice I make and all is better.
Then today God sent me an angel in the form of an email. Don’t laugh. If God can use a burning bush or a talking donkey, He can use email. ;-) This email was from a new friend asking about my writing and a fear we had in common. As I replied to her, I started to cry. Something I haven’t let myself do in a long time. Then I started to write my heart. Something I haven’t done much since I haven’t been blogging like I used to.
And God showed up.
Actually, He had never left. I’d just closed my eyes.
Here’s what I shared with my friend…
She’d asked if I had ever written as a form of therapy. Boxes of journals and pages upon pages of blog posts answer a resounding “yes.” But that’s when I realized I haven’t done the heart writing that used to sear my soul with truth. The writing where God talks back to me and I get it. I see. I miss that. Today, my hurting heart is showing up. And trusting God to speak.
As I started to write in the hopes of encouraging my friend in dealing with a fear of hers, that’s when my tears started to break free. Here’s what God illuminated to my heart…
“For me, I know the fear is about failure. If I do this (write a book or try to work with my husband on some painful issues) and it's awful, then I'm a failure and ultimately not worthy of being loved. Sounds silly when I type it out. But the emotions are the most basic we have and the most powerful desire I think all humans share. To be loved. To be known and respected. To be important, valued. What I'm realizing again as I type ~ for probably the hundredth time ~ is that for me to walk in the truth, I have to believe the truth. I am loved. Whether this book is a failure or not. Whether I flub a talk or not. Whether or not my marriage ever heals. That's the truth I know I've been running from and it took your email for me to listen. Thank you. What I just typed in this paragraph is the core of who I am and what I feel like God has called me to do~ teach the truth about rejecting lies and believing truth. And I was just reminded that my writing is what has given me the most opportunity to do that. To share with you and with others what God is always in the process of doing~ loving us. Teaching us truth. Healing us. Calling us to join Him in His work. To see we were created for a purpose and plan far greater than we could ever ask or imagine.
"This believing lies or truth is so hard to wrap my mind around and so easy it seems to forget. But I think that's one reason God created us to be part of a Body~ to remember. To encourage each other to hang on to the truth when the enemy blasts his fiery darts and they hurt.”
When life hurts. Which, right now, is life as I know it. Life as so many of us know it. Where are God’s healing miracles? Where is God when life hurts?
A lot of the time I feel like the paralytic in John 5 who sat for decades not getting into the pool to receive a healing. When Jesus asked him, "Do you want to get well?” He replied, "Sir, I have no one to help me.”
Or we can add our own version of the words, “But Lord, I hurt too much.” Or “But Lord, I don’t understand.” Or “But Lord, I’m not this, that or the other.” Or mine as of late, “But Lord, I’m terrified of failing.”
Today, I finally looked up as Jesus asked me the same question as the paralytic. “Do you want to get well?” Uhm, yes? At least I know I want to lose the pain and the heartache and make my circumstances feel better.
So Jesus asked again. “Do you want to get well?” And then He extended His hand in the form of an email. When I stopped to listen and look into His face, I felt His answer for me.
The Holy Spirit brought to mind two verses…
2 Timothy 1:8-9 “God has saved us and called us with a holy calling—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time…”
John 6:29 “Jesus answered, ‘The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.’”
I think because I’m so slow to let go of what I want to happen, God added this…His spoken words to my heart.
“Fear not, Amy. I have called you by name. You are Mine.”
God’s healing miracles are working themselves through my heart as I turn to Him and listen.
I still don’t have a car for church tomorrow.
I still have a mouth full of ulcers.
My marriage still has a lot of healing needed.
I still have a looming deadline.
I still live in a painful, fallen world.
Some of my questions remain unanswered.
But I have put my hand in the Hand of the One who made the universe. And I’m standing again. In truth.
I am loved.
He has a purpose and plan for me that’s beyond all I can imagine.
He promises He will complete His work.
And for now, that’s enough for me to walk again. With Him.
I don’t know how long Job had to deal with painful sores, unanswered heart cries, and more than painful accusations from friends. But I’m sitting in the dust and asking God some of the same questions. What’s the purpose in all this?
Why was I in the ER twice on my vacation? Why did I miss the one place where I go to rest because the pain was and is again almost unbearable? Why have both our cars died right before we were going to give our daughters a taste of their childhood dreams? Why is my husband’s job at risk because a mysterious injury is causing him so much pain? Why is my marriage still stretched to the breaking point? Why is writing a painful exercise in failure right now? With all the work my husband and I do, why can’t we even afford a basic used car? And why do I hurt so much?
Where are You, God?
Many of these questions have been dogging my heels most of my waking moments for the better part of three years. Some, like the intense physical pain and mysterious injuries, are newer. But the deep questions are the same. God, don’t You care that I hurt? What am I doing wrong that so much bad continues? Where is the healing?
I do know I have tons of blessings to count. I have my precious girls, a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my belly. For that I’m richer than I deserve. I know that. But sometimes that doesn’t stop the deep spiritual pain of unanswered questions.
Why doesn’t my mom love me?
Why doesn’t my marriage heal?
Why do I feel like a failure ~ unimportant, unappreciated, unseen?
Last night, after a horrid writing day and an unrelenting deadline looming…with my mouth full of ulcers…life and pain got the best of me and I had a mommy tantrum in front of my family. My eldest and her father sat in as Job’s well-meaning friends with things like, “Maybe God is trying to teach you something.” Yeah, and I keep missing it? How does that help me? I probably would have screamed if they’d asked me about sin in my life and religious-sounding hypotheses about if I’d just pray more or believe more or confess more.
They didn’t have to though. I had already been doing all that to myself.
And I still had no answers. I’ve tried to pray. Asked others to pray. Confessed my complaining, unappreciative attitude and my plethora of other sins as well. Tried to write through it, pray through it, believe through it. And my favorite~ not “stress” through it. Like that’s a simple choice I make and all is better.
Then today God sent me an angel in the form of an email. Don’t laugh. If God can use a burning bush or a talking donkey, He can use email. ;-) This email was from a new friend asking about my writing and a fear we had in common. As I replied to her, I started to cry. Something I haven’t let myself do in a long time. Then I started to write my heart. Something I haven’t done much since I haven’t been blogging like I used to.
And God showed up.
Actually, He had never left. I’d just closed my eyes.
Here’s what I shared with my friend…
She’d asked if I had ever written as a form of therapy. Boxes of journals and pages upon pages of blog posts answer a resounding “yes.” But that’s when I realized I haven’t done the heart writing that used to sear my soul with truth. The writing where God talks back to me and I get it. I see. I miss that. Today, my hurting heart is showing up. And trusting God to speak.
As I started to write in the hopes of encouraging my friend in dealing with a fear of hers, that’s when my tears started to break free. Here’s what God illuminated to my heart…
“For me, I know the fear is about failure. If I do this (write a book or try to work with my husband on some painful issues) and it's awful, then I'm a failure and ultimately not worthy of being loved. Sounds silly when I type it out. But the emotions are the most basic we have and the most powerful desire I think all humans share. To be loved. To be known and respected. To be important, valued. What I'm realizing again as I type ~ for probably the hundredth time ~ is that for me to walk in the truth, I have to believe the truth. I am loved. Whether this book is a failure or not. Whether I flub a talk or not. Whether or not my marriage ever heals. That's the truth I know I've been running from and it took your email for me to listen. Thank you. What I just typed in this paragraph is the core of who I am and what I feel like God has called me to do~ teach the truth about rejecting lies and believing truth. And I was just reminded that my writing is what has given me the most opportunity to do that. To share with you and with others what God is always in the process of doing~ loving us. Teaching us truth. Healing us. Calling us to join Him in His work. To see we were created for a purpose and plan far greater than we could ever ask or imagine.
"This believing lies or truth is so hard to wrap my mind around and so easy it seems to forget. But I think that's one reason God created us to be part of a Body~ to remember. To encourage each other to hang on to the truth when the enemy blasts his fiery darts and they hurt.”
When life hurts. Which, right now, is life as I know it. Life as so many of us know it. Where are God’s healing miracles? Where is God when life hurts?
A lot of the time I feel like the paralytic in John 5 who sat for decades not getting into the pool to receive a healing. When Jesus asked him, "Do you want to get well?” He replied, "Sir, I have no one to help me.”
Or we can add our own version of the words, “But Lord, I hurt too much.” Or “But Lord, I don’t understand.” Or “But Lord, I’m not this, that or the other.” Or mine as of late, “But Lord, I’m terrified of failing.”
Today, I finally looked up as Jesus asked me the same question as the paralytic. “Do you want to get well?” Uhm, yes? At least I know I want to lose the pain and the heartache and make my circumstances feel better.
So Jesus asked again. “Do you want to get well?” And then He extended His hand in the form of an email. When I stopped to listen and look into His face, I felt His answer for me.
The Holy Spirit brought to mind two verses…
2 Timothy 1:8-9 “God has saved us and called us with a holy calling—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time…”
John 6:29 “Jesus answered, ‘The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.’”
I think because I’m so slow to let go of what I want to happen, God added this…His spoken words to my heart.
“Fear not, Amy. I have called you by name. You are Mine.”
God’s healing miracles are working themselves through my heart as I turn to Him and listen.
I still don’t have a car for church tomorrow.
I still have a mouth full of ulcers.
My marriage still has a lot of healing needed.
I still have a looming deadline.
I still live in a painful, fallen world.
Some of my questions remain unanswered.
But I have put my hand in the Hand of the One who made the universe. And I’m standing again. In truth.
I am loved.
He has a purpose and plan for me that’s beyond all I can imagine.
He promises He will complete His work.
And for now, that’s enough for me to walk again. With Him.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Happy Memorial Day!
There's a poem I've read a number of years in a row about Memorial Day that never fails to bring tears. I don't know who to give a writing credit to, but as you read, I pray you will remember our Veterans and the men and women who are serving our country right now.
My daddy is a Veteran and proudly served our country. To him and to all the men and women who have served and are serving us well...THANK YOU!
Remember Our Veterans
It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN, not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN,
who salutes the Flag,
It is the VETERAN,
who serves under the Flag.
Please remember to pray for our VETERANS today!
My daddy is a Veteran and proudly served our country. To him and to all the men and women who have served and are serving us well...THANK YOU!
Remember Our Veterans
It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,
who has given us freedom of religion.
It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,
who has given us freedom of the press.
It is the VETERAN, not the poet,
who has given us freedom of speech.
It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.
It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.
It is the VETERAN, not the politician,
Who has given us the right to vote.
It is the VETERAN,
who salutes the Flag,
It is the VETERAN,
who serves under the Flag.
Please remember to pray for our VETERANS today!
Friday, May 12, 2006
Mother's Day surprises
I received in my inbox yesterday some very cool surprises. After receiving my HUGE edits on Tuesday with two months to rewrite my first novel and word from the mechanic on Wednesday that our car is dying, I tried to listen to the Lord and instead let fear win.
Then I sent a prayer request to my awesome ACFW friends and the return emails opened the door for me to truly hear the Lord and stand in faith. God is sooo good! Not only did my friends encourage me with their prayers and words of "you can do this!" but they also prayed for my little girls~ that God would provide a car so we can take them to special horse riding lessons we found for a very low cost. Something extra incredible we wanted to do as a gift for them.
My mommy heart was so touched that happy tears slipped out.
Then another email surprise came. The National Institute of Marriage (an AWESOME resource worth your time in checking out) sent a Happy Mother's Day email with a special story of encouragement.
The story?
It was mine. ;-)
I was so excited and humbled that God and the great folks at NIM would use my words to encourage other moms. I'm going to share it with you all as well.
May God encourage all of us today to be the people He created and smiles at as He watches over us with His perfect loving care.
The Article Archives
Topic: Encouragement
A Mom's Greatest Gift
May 11, 2006
Amy Wallace
Written by: Amy Wallace, www.amywallace.com
There's one thing the Lord consistently uses to touch my heart when nothing else will— My three pint-sized princesses. Through them, He shows me more of His heart and more of my need for Him.
My girls greet me with hugs and kisses and tell me I'm, "the most beautifulest and wonderfulest mommy in the world" even when I feel every bit the opposite. A precious glimpse of His unconditional love.
When their sad eyes water because of the hurtful lies they believe when I speak harshly, God uses those little faces to drive me to my knees and back to Him.
When I want to hide from the world because of all the pain and unhealthiness I see "out there" and in me, my little girls smile and tell me that when they grow up they want to be like Jesus and help people and tell them God loves them. Their pure enjoyment of God and desire to share Him with others reminds me that even in the bad, God is good and He has good plans.
But I have to say the neatest thing they've shown me is a picture perfect example of a truth I learned at the [National Institute of Marriage] Intensive. I'll share two illustrations...
The first is from the day after my husband and I returned home from the [NIM] Intensive. After four full days of not seeing our girls, we went into each of their rooms together to say good morning. We shared a little of how God answered their prayers in that He was working in our hearts and healing our marriage. My oldest daughter's eyes danced while we talked. Then when we were done, she jumped from her bed and hugged us at the same time~ a very long and tight hug. Our middle daughter had the same intense reaction and added, "I'm so happy you went and that you're home." Our youngest wiggled with smiles.
My girls all danced with hope that God was indeed healing their mommy and daddy's hearts. I will always treasure the look in their smiling eyes. Eyes full of joy, anticipation, and brimming over with love.
Another illustration is from a few days later. As the girls and I settled back into our everyday routine, I shared many of the things we had learned at the intensive. We talked about living out of fear and how to get out of that fear cycle by running to God and asking Him what's going on in our hearts. Then asking what He says about the heart messages.
One morning's chaos gave an opportunity to put into practice what I'd been teaching. My oldest spent the morning talking over people, talking when she was supposed to be working, and not giving anyone else a chance to speak. I pointed out her demand to be heard was coming out of a heart wound. She looked at me with sad eyes and said, "I don't think anyone will listen to me. I'm afraid people will think I'm not good enough to listen to."
My heart hurt. We sat on our couch and I asked her when was the first time she could remember feeling that way. She talked about me yelling at her years before over a handwriting assignment. I listened and my heart broke for the pain I'd opened her up to with my unhealthy way of handling stress by yelling. After she finished sharing her memories, I suggested she head up to her room and grab her teddy bear and talk to God about all that hurt and ask Him what the truth was.
She went to her room and the crying I heard nearly shattered my heart. She bawled and bawled. I bawled with her downstairs, but didn't go try to make it okay. I knew God could do a better job than I could.
When she came down we talked about her hurt. I listened and cried with her. I shared how I was so wrong to yell and how sorry I was that she hurt. We talked about the lies she believed when I yelled. The lies that she was “not good enough” or “not worth listening to.” I asked her to forgive me for yelling. She did. She went on to share what truth God spoke to her hurt. "He told me that He loves me no matter what I do."
Such simple truth shone from her eyes. I knew she'd heard the Lord and He'd worked in her heart. But what she shared next, I will forever treasure in my heart. My oldest looked at me and with tears in her eyes said, "Thank you, Mommy. I'm so glad you went to that marriage thing." She hugged me with a fierce hug and skipped away.
I sat there awed by what God had done in my heart and in hers.
In my daughter’s eyes and thanks I saw an amazing truth: The greatest gift I can give my children is my own health.
Without getting with God to heal my heart, I could not have helped my daughter learn how to run to God.
Without being healthy, I could not have heard her pain, cried with her, and asked forgiveness.
Without God’s healing in my heart, I could not have shown my girls what Christlikeness looks like in skin and bones.
And without both my husband and I receiving the healing that only truth from God brings, we could not have shown them the power of forgiveness, the picture of Christ and the church in marriage, or given the gift of a healthy home.
All these things will aid them well in their walk with the Lord. They won’t have to spend thirty plus years wondering around in a desert of longing and pain with hurts and lies from the enemy filling their hearts. Those lies that constrain us like the grave wrappings Jesus commanded taken from Lazarus when He raised His friend from death.
My girls will have to make their own choices as they journey with the Lord. My heart health won’t prevent them from experiencing pain. But living from a whole, full, and healthy heart will show them how to handle that pain. It will show them truth not hidden by an unhealthy life.
And we know as absolute fact, “You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”
That’s the greatest gift of all.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!
Then I sent a prayer request to my awesome ACFW friends and the return emails opened the door for me to truly hear the Lord and stand in faith. God is sooo good! Not only did my friends encourage me with their prayers and words of "you can do this!" but they also prayed for my little girls~ that God would provide a car so we can take them to special horse riding lessons we found for a very low cost. Something extra incredible we wanted to do as a gift for them.
My mommy heart was so touched that happy tears slipped out.
Then another email surprise came. The National Institute of Marriage (an AWESOME resource worth your time in checking out) sent a Happy Mother's Day email with a special story of encouragement.
The story?
It was mine. ;-)
I was so excited and humbled that God and the great folks at NIM would use my words to encourage other moms. I'm going to share it with you all as well.
May God encourage all of us today to be the people He created and smiles at as He watches over us with His perfect loving care.
The Article Archives
Topic: Encouragement
A Mom's Greatest Gift
May 11, 2006
Amy Wallace
Written by: Amy Wallace, www.amywallace.com
There's one thing the Lord consistently uses to touch my heart when nothing else will— My three pint-sized princesses. Through them, He shows me more of His heart and more of my need for Him.
My girls greet me with hugs and kisses and tell me I'm, "the most beautifulest and wonderfulest mommy in the world" even when I feel every bit the opposite. A precious glimpse of His unconditional love.
When their sad eyes water because of the hurtful lies they believe when I speak harshly, God uses those little faces to drive me to my knees and back to Him.
When I want to hide from the world because of all the pain and unhealthiness I see "out there" and in me, my little girls smile and tell me that when they grow up they want to be like Jesus and help people and tell them God loves them. Their pure enjoyment of God and desire to share Him with others reminds me that even in the bad, God is good and He has good plans.
But I have to say the neatest thing they've shown me is a picture perfect example of a truth I learned at the [National Institute of Marriage] Intensive. I'll share two illustrations...
The first is from the day after my husband and I returned home from the [NIM] Intensive. After four full days of not seeing our girls, we went into each of their rooms together to say good morning. We shared a little of how God answered their prayers in that He was working in our hearts and healing our marriage. My oldest daughter's eyes danced while we talked. Then when we were done, she jumped from her bed and hugged us at the same time~ a very long and tight hug. Our middle daughter had the same intense reaction and added, "I'm so happy you went and that you're home." Our youngest wiggled with smiles.
My girls all danced with hope that God was indeed healing their mommy and daddy's hearts. I will always treasure the look in their smiling eyes. Eyes full of joy, anticipation, and brimming over with love.
Another illustration is from a few days later. As the girls and I settled back into our everyday routine, I shared many of the things we had learned at the intensive. We talked about living out of fear and how to get out of that fear cycle by running to God and asking Him what's going on in our hearts. Then asking what He says about the heart messages.
One morning's chaos gave an opportunity to put into practice what I'd been teaching. My oldest spent the morning talking over people, talking when she was supposed to be working, and not giving anyone else a chance to speak. I pointed out her demand to be heard was coming out of a heart wound. She looked at me with sad eyes and said, "I don't think anyone will listen to me. I'm afraid people will think I'm not good enough to listen to."
My heart hurt. We sat on our couch and I asked her when was the first time she could remember feeling that way. She talked about me yelling at her years before over a handwriting assignment. I listened and my heart broke for the pain I'd opened her up to with my unhealthy way of handling stress by yelling. After she finished sharing her memories, I suggested she head up to her room and grab her teddy bear and talk to God about all that hurt and ask Him what the truth was.
She went to her room and the crying I heard nearly shattered my heart. She bawled and bawled. I bawled with her downstairs, but didn't go try to make it okay. I knew God could do a better job than I could.
When she came down we talked about her hurt. I listened and cried with her. I shared how I was so wrong to yell and how sorry I was that she hurt. We talked about the lies she believed when I yelled. The lies that she was “not good enough” or “not worth listening to.” I asked her to forgive me for yelling. She did. She went on to share what truth God spoke to her hurt. "He told me that He loves me no matter what I do."
Such simple truth shone from her eyes. I knew she'd heard the Lord and He'd worked in her heart. But what she shared next, I will forever treasure in my heart. My oldest looked at me and with tears in her eyes said, "Thank you, Mommy. I'm so glad you went to that marriage thing." She hugged me with a fierce hug and skipped away.
I sat there awed by what God had done in my heart and in hers.
In my daughter’s eyes and thanks I saw an amazing truth: The greatest gift I can give my children is my own health.
Without getting with God to heal my heart, I could not have helped my daughter learn how to run to God.
Without being healthy, I could not have heard her pain, cried with her, and asked forgiveness.
Without God’s healing in my heart, I could not have shown my girls what Christlikeness looks like in skin and bones.
And without both my husband and I receiving the healing that only truth from God brings, we could not have shown them the power of forgiveness, the picture of Christ and the church in marriage, or given the gift of a healthy home.
All these things will aid them well in their walk with the Lord. They won’t have to spend thirty plus years wondering around in a desert of longing and pain with hurts and lies from the enemy filling their hearts. Those lies that constrain us like the grave wrappings Jesus commanded taken from Lazarus when He raised His friend from death.
My girls will have to make their own choices as they journey with the Lord. My heart health won’t prevent them from experiencing pain. But living from a whole, full, and healthy heart will show them how to handle that pain. It will show them truth not hidden by an unhealthy life.
And we know as absolute fact, “You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”
That’s the greatest gift of all.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
A child’s perspective on Mother’s Day
Today I’m doing a new thing. Something I haven’t seen on any other blog. I’m featuring what I believe is the youngest guest blogger ever. She’s an eight-year-old dynamo kiddo and very special to my heart.
My own firstborn precious princess.
The reason for featuring her is many-fold. First, Elizabeth is an aspiring author who’s already submitted one story for publication and has such a talent this proud mommy wanted to share her second story. Second, I wanted her to know how special her story is to me. And third, this mommy wanted something a little new for an encouraging Mother’s Day message.
We moms wear all sorts of hats on any given day. My favorites are kid-hugger and chocolate-sharer. ;-) But I also do a fair share of discipliner, dish washer, sick day cleaner upper, boo-boo kisser, devotion leader, book reader, teacher, and role model.
Very often I’m not proud of how poorly I do the above listed jobs. I often fail to speak kindly and love well. And I cringe when I think what type of example I’m setting. Especially on those terrible, awful, no good, very bad days when I should have just stayed in bed.
That’s where Elizabeth’s essay comes in. She wrote about why her mommy is the best mommy in the whole world. I was in tears when I first read it thinking more about how I fail to live up to what she penned.
Then it hit me… this is how my daughter remembers me. She sees beyond my failures and has seen my heart. A heart I know for a fact is filled with love for her and her two precious sisters.
So please read the following story and hear not a “look at Amy” essay. My prayer is you’ll hear my daughter’s words and consider that maybe, just maybe, your children see beyond your mistakes and love you so very much too.
For those to whom this might be painful because you can’t imagine your children saying such things about you…remember your Heavenly Father has already paid for your failures and He knows for a fact there is so much good in your heart.
Isaiah 40:11 says, “He gently leads those that have young.” God is leading you in this most precious calling and cheering you on as you wear one of my favorite names in the whole world, “Mommy.”
So here’s an early Happy Mother's Day to all you moms!!! You are such a precious gift to your family.
Now for my most wonderfulest guest blogger…
My Awesome Mommy
By Elizabeth Wallace
My mom is wise, priceless, helpful, and attractive. She loves to spend time with me and I love to be with her.
She homeschools me and we sometimes go on mommy dates to fun places like the park. She likes to play games and read with me. We do crafts and learn other languages, such as German. It’s lots of fun to go on field trips and walks-or just to play outdoors. Mommy wears lovely dresses and clothes when we go out, and nice sweaters at home. Mommy and I both like music-dancing, listening to it, or singing it. It also brings us enjoyment to read a good book. My mommy is gentle, loving, and kind. We have the best time together.
My mommy encourages me to do my work well all the time. She is glad when I read good books that help me use my imagination. She lets me play and helps me to do my best work. We do projects like mixing vinegar, baking soda, and red food dye in a “volcano” to make it erupt or dissecting an owl pellet or sewing a teddy bear.
For the summer, we go to the beach, do art, explore, study nature, and many other fun things. She uses money she earns from writing books to buy me new clothes or other things for our family. She also gives me what she knows I’ll like for my birthday and Christmas.
In conclusion, my mommy is awesome and deserves much praise. Clearly, She is terrific and helpful.
May all you mommies know how much you are loved! Happy Mother’s Day!
My own firstborn precious princess.
The reason for featuring her is many-fold. First, Elizabeth is an aspiring author who’s already submitted one story for publication and has such a talent this proud mommy wanted to share her second story. Second, I wanted her to know how special her story is to me. And third, this mommy wanted something a little new for an encouraging Mother’s Day message.
We moms wear all sorts of hats on any given day. My favorites are kid-hugger and chocolate-sharer. ;-) But I also do a fair share of discipliner, dish washer, sick day cleaner upper, boo-boo kisser, devotion leader, book reader, teacher, and role model.
Very often I’m not proud of how poorly I do the above listed jobs. I often fail to speak kindly and love well. And I cringe when I think what type of example I’m setting. Especially on those terrible, awful, no good, very bad days when I should have just stayed in bed.
That’s where Elizabeth’s essay comes in. She wrote about why her mommy is the best mommy in the whole world. I was in tears when I first read it thinking more about how I fail to live up to what she penned.
Then it hit me… this is how my daughter remembers me. She sees beyond my failures and has seen my heart. A heart I know for a fact is filled with love for her and her two precious sisters.
So please read the following story and hear not a “look at Amy” essay. My prayer is you’ll hear my daughter’s words and consider that maybe, just maybe, your children see beyond your mistakes and love you so very much too.
For those to whom this might be painful because you can’t imagine your children saying such things about you…remember your Heavenly Father has already paid for your failures and He knows for a fact there is so much good in your heart.
Isaiah 40:11 says, “He gently leads those that have young.” God is leading you in this most precious calling and cheering you on as you wear one of my favorite names in the whole world, “Mommy.”
So here’s an early Happy Mother's Day to all you moms!!! You are such a precious gift to your family.
Now for my most wonderfulest guest blogger…
My Awesome Mommy
By Elizabeth Wallace
My mom is wise, priceless, helpful, and attractive. She loves to spend time with me and I love to be with her.
She homeschools me and we sometimes go on mommy dates to fun places like the park. She likes to play games and read with me. We do crafts and learn other languages, such as German. It’s lots of fun to go on field trips and walks-or just to play outdoors. Mommy wears lovely dresses and clothes when we go out, and nice sweaters at home. Mommy and I both like music-dancing, listening to it, or singing it. It also brings us enjoyment to read a good book. My mommy is gentle, loving, and kind. We have the best time together.
My mommy encourages me to do my work well all the time. She is glad when I read good books that help me use my imagination. She lets me play and helps me to do my best work. We do projects like mixing vinegar, baking soda, and red food dye in a “volcano” to make it erupt or dissecting an owl pellet or sewing a teddy bear.
For the summer, we go to the beach, do art, explore, study nature, and many other fun things. She uses money she earns from writing books to buy me new clothes or other things for our family. She also gives me what she knows I’ll like for my birthday and Christmas.
In conclusion, my mommy is awesome and deserves much praise. Clearly, She is terrific and helpful.
May all you mommies know how much you are loved! Happy Mother’s Day!
Friday, April 28, 2006
Finding the time
Have you ever struggled to “get it all done” within the twenty-four hours a day you have? I’ve heard it said people like Ben Franklin had the same 24-hour day we have and look at all he accomplished.
That so does not encourage me.
Then I’ve had this interesting thing keep happening to me recently. A number of people will ask me this question…
“How do I find the time to write???” or “How do you do all you do in a days time?”
My answer… “I wish I knew.” ;-)
Inside I’m looking around my life and wondering what in the world they see. I have dirty dishes, dirty laundry, paint-chipped baseboards, and a to-do list a mile long that’s serving only to collect dust bunnies that have escaped their other normal hangouts.
At the same time, I do have three amazing little girls, a neat house, and two full-time jobs~ homeschool mom and author. I know full well how I have those. God. And a great hubby who takes up the slack when I’m writing.
Now that might seem like a Sunday school answer I tell my students at church not to give. But the truth is, I am who I am and I do what I do only because God has called and equipped me.
Same as you.
Same as ole Mr. Ben Franklin.
We each have the same allotment of 24 hours a day to live the life God created us to live. He’s the one who gives us dreams and then asks us to put them in His hands.
Sometimes fear keeps us sitting on our dreams instead of opening ourselves to what God wants to put there. Sometimes the season of life we’re in requires a little more time in God’s “classroom” before we’re able to step into the reality of the dream He’s dreamed for us.
But regardless of where we are and why, there’s a lesson that holds true every time.
I love The Message translation of Matthew 6:33-34:
“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.
Don't worry about missing out.
You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
That in a nutshell is how any of us do what we were created to do and excel.
I so needed this reminder from the Word today. I hope it encourages you too.
In case you’re wondering, I do have a longer answer to the question of how I find the time to write. It goes a little something like what I wrote to a fellow mom friend…
“I write mostly on Saturdays and my family has taken up the slack and are awesome encouragers telling me to do what God created me to do. For me I can't not write. It's part of who I am. And for this season it's part of what God has called me to and given me the time to do. I struggle with it though. I think we, as moms, are especially prone to feel guilty about something. I'm learning to stay before the throne of Grace and trust that if He says write, I'll write and entrust all of it to Him.”
To that I’ll add~ homeschooling has taught me a lot about the necessity of personal organization. I don’t follow a “method” because none I’ve read fit me perfectly. But I’ve taken bits and pieces and adapted them to fit my life. For example, my girls have room time or naptime every afternoon for about two hours. They go to bed by 8:30 pm at night. I do my “life stuff” like exercising, emails, keeping our budget, working on Sunday school lessons, and all the odds and ends we all have during that time.
And when Saturday comes, I write.
For twelve awesome hours I get the privilege of pouring out what God has poured into me through the power of a story. My prayer is what comes out will somehow be used to draw others to Him and give my readers a sense that the God of the universe loves them and has a special plan for each of their lives.
The coolest thing to see is God’s people embracing who He created them to be and living out of the fullness we have in Christ. It looks amazing on each one of us.
And different.
But the lesson of finding the time is the same for all of us…
“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
He is with you yesterday, today, and forever. One day at a time. Always by your side. Loving the unique person He created in you.
And smiling.
That so does not encourage me.
Then I’ve had this interesting thing keep happening to me recently. A number of people will ask me this question…
“How do I find the time to write???” or “How do you do all you do in a days time?”
My answer… “I wish I knew.” ;-)
Inside I’m looking around my life and wondering what in the world they see. I have dirty dishes, dirty laundry, paint-chipped baseboards, and a to-do list a mile long that’s serving only to collect dust bunnies that have escaped their other normal hangouts.
At the same time, I do have three amazing little girls, a neat house, and two full-time jobs~ homeschool mom and author. I know full well how I have those. God. And a great hubby who takes up the slack when I’m writing.
Now that might seem like a Sunday school answer I tell my students at church not to give. But the truth is, I am who I am and I do what I do only because God has called and equipped me.
Same as you.
Same as ole Mr. Ben Franklin.
We each have the same allotment of 24 hours a day to live the life God created us to live. He’s the one who gives us dreams and then asks us to put them in His hands.
Sometimes fear keeps us sitting on our dreams instead of opening ourselves to what God wants to put there. Sometimes the season of life we’re in requires a little more time in God’s “classroom” before we’re able to step into the reality of the dream He’s dreamed for us.
But regardless of where we are and why, there’s a lesson that holds true every time.
I love The Message translation of Matthew 6:33-34:
“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.
Don't worry about missing out.
You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
That in a nutshell is how any of us do what we were created to do and excel.
I so needed this reminder from the Word today. I hope it encourages you too.
In case you’re wondering, I do have a longer answer to the question of how I find the time to write. It goes a little something like what I wrote to a fellow mom friend…
“I write mostly on Saturdays and my family has taken up the slack and are awesome encouragers telling me to do what God created me to do. For me I can't not write. It's part of who I am. And for this season it's part of what God has called me to and given me the time to do. I struggle with it though. I think we, as moms, are especially prone to feel guilty about something. I'm learning to stay before the throne of Grace and trust that if He says write, I'll write and entrust all of it to Him.”
To that I’ll add~ homeschooling has taught me a lot about the necessity of personal organization. I don’t follow a “method” because none I’ve read fit me perfectly. But I’ve taken bits and pieces and adapted them to fit my life. For example, my girls have room time or naptime every afternoon for about two hours. They go to bed by 8:30 pm at night. I do my “life stuff” like exercising, emails, keeping our budget, working on Sunday school lessons, and all the odds and ends we all have during that time.
And when Saturday comes, I write.
For twelve awesome hours I get the privilege of pouring out what God has poured into me through the power of a story. My prayer is what comes out will somehow be used to draw others to Him and give my readers a sense that the God of the universe loves them and has a special plan for each of their lives.
The coolest thing to see is God’s people embracing who He created them to be and living out of the fullness we have in Christ. It looks amazing on each one of us.
And different.
But the lesson of finding the time is the same for all of us…
“Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”
He is with you yesterday, today, and forever. One day at a time. Always by your side. Loving the unique person He created in you.
And smiling.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
The Dance Revisited
In looking through some old blog posts for a dear friend of mine facing a hard time, I came across an entry entitled The Dance. Reading it again, I knew God took me there to speak to my heart once more like He did the day I typed the first post.
I so needed the reminder.
If you've read The Dance before~ I hope it will encourage you all over again and remind you to keep dancing.
If you haven't read it~ my prayer is that the Lord speaks directly to your heart words that will serve as an invitation...
To Dance.
There's a line from my story in Chicken Soup for the Soul Healthy Living: Diabetes that won't leave me alone. It says: Dance. Even when life hurts. It's better than the alternative.
I've talked a lot about dances on this blog and in the youth discipleship group I loved leading: the fear dance, The Great Dance, and in my newly published story, "Dancing with Diabetes". All of these share a common element of comparing hard things in life to a dance.
One of my favorite songs from college does the same thing. It’s a Garth Brooks song called "The Dance." Like the author of this song, I shared a dance with someone that left me alone holding a broken heart. Listen to these lines:
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars above
For a moment, all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye.
And now, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance.
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn’t I a king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say, you know I might have chanced it all.
And now, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance.
I know life is not left to chance. But it is better left in the hands of our loving God who knows best. Even when what He decides hurts.
Truth be told, I had no business staying with the guy that left me brokenhearted. God warned me to get out of the relationship and finally showed me the truth I didn’t want to see. But like a lot of painful things in my life, God has proven He truly does work all things for good.
He’s the author of the Dance. My dance. And yours.
There are so many times I’d like to sit this dance out. Like when my diabetes is out of control or when things in my marriage hurt. But if I truly believe God is good, I have to keep dancing, even when life hurts. Why? Because I know from experience God has something to show me. Something good.
I was reading a chapter in my writer’s devotional on being like Peter, my all-time favorite Bible character. To anyone who knows me well this is no surprise. ;-) I’m so like brash, bold, impetuous, loud Peter. I only hope God has great things in store for me like He did for Peter.
Every time I hang out with my three princesses or my Bible study girls, I know for sure He does. They remind me God has a good plan.
They also help me to remember the dance is worth every step. Even the ones that hurt.
Back to Peter. Here are some of the quotes that hit me so hard as I read. Quotes that led me to thinking about this dance of life.
“Be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.” 1 Peter 4:7 NIV
“Keep on doing what is right and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you.” 1 Peter 4:19
And the final line from today’s devotion: “He has chosen us and will equip us so that, through the words we write and the lives we live, we will effectively be able to ‘show to others how God called [us] out of the darkness into His wonderful light’” 1 Peter 2:9
Those verses challenge me. First to keep my mouth shut when I’m angry so that my rash words don’t bring further damage in a tough situation. Something I’m still learning and failing at more than I succeed. But I’m learning. I’m a glorious mess. God is so getting that point across to me.
Second, those verses challenge me to trust myself to God because He will never fail me. People will. But that’s not an excuse to sit this dance out. To withhold forgiveness. Or to refuse to love.
That’s hard. Hard on a good day and even more difficult when I’m looking at the surrounding storm, watching the waves. And sinking.
Not only is Peter my favorite Bible character, but his story of walking on the waves is also my favorite place to go for encouragement.
God called Peter into that storm and out of the boat.
And even though he started to sink, God was there to rescue Peter.
Me too.
When I listen. When I dance. And more often than that, my awesome Daddy pursues me when I’m trying not to listen and instead working hard to sit things out in disobedience.
I don’t believe I’m alone in that. Peter and I aren’t the only ones that focused on the waves and sank. Right?
Wherever you are, whether enjoying a great dance, or trying to sit one out, please listen closely to the Father’s outstretched hands and love-filled command to “Come.”
You see, He’s playing your song.
Don’t sit this one out. Because when this dance lesson is over, we’ll be dancing for all eternity to the perfect rhythm of grace, in the arms of our Perfect Partner.
So dance. Even when life hurts. It’s worth every step.
I so needed the reminder.
If you've read The Dance before~ I hope it will encourage you all over again and remind you to keep dancing.
If you haven't read it~ my prayer is that the Lord speaks directly to your heart words that will serve as an invitation...
To Dance.
There's a line from my story in Chicken Soup for the Soul Healthy Living: Diabetes that won't leave me alone. It says: Dance. Even when life hurts. It's better than the alternative.
I've talked a lot about dances on this blog and in the youth discipleship group I loved leading: the fear dance, The Great Dance, and in my newly published story, "Dancing with Diabetes". All of these share a common element of comparing hard things in life to a dance.
One of my favorite songs from college does the same thing. It’s a Garth Brooks song called "The Dance." Like the author of this song, I shared a dance with someone that left me alone holding a broken heart. Listen to these lines:
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars above
For a moment, all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye.
And now, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance.
Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn’t I a king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say, you know I might have chanced it all.
And now, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance.
I know life is not left to chance. But it is better left in the hands of our loving God who knows best. Even when what He decides hurts.
Truth be told, I had no business staying with the guy that left me brokenhearted. God warned me to get out of the relationship and finally showed me the truth I didn’t want to see. But like a lot of painful things in my life, God has proven He truly does work all things for good.
He’s the author of the Dance. My dance. And yours.
There are so many times I’d like to sit this dance out. Like when my diabetes is out of control or when things in my marriage hurt. But if I truly believe God is good, I have to keep dancing, even when life hurts. Why? Because I know from experience God has something to show me. Something good.
I was reading a chapter in my writer’s devotional on being like Peter, my all-time favorite Bible character. To anyone who knows me well this is no surprise. ;-) I’m so like brash, bold, impetuous, loud Peter. I only hope God has great things in store for me like He did for Peter.
Every time I hang out with my three princesses or my Bible study girls, I know for sure He does. They remind me God has a good plan.
They also help me to remember the dance is worth every step. Even the ones that hurt.
Back to Peter. Here are some of the quotes that hit me so hard as I read. Quotes that led me to thinking about this dance of life.
“Be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray.” 1 Peter 4:7 NIV
“Keep on doing what is right and trust yourself to the God who made you, for He will never fail you.” 1 Peter 4:19
And the final line from today’s devotion: “He has chosen us and will equip us so that, through the words we write and the lives we live, we will effectively be able to ‘show to others how God called [us] out of the darkness into His wonderful light’” 1 Peter 2:9
Those verses challenge me. First to keep my mouth shut when I’m angry so that my rash words don’t bring further damage in a tough situation. Something I’m still learning and failing at more than I succeed. But I’m learning. I’m a glorious mess. God is so getting that point across to me.
Second, those verses challenge me to trust myself to God because He will never fail me. People will. But that’s not an excuse to sit this dance out. To withhold forgiveness. Or to refuse to love.
That’s hard. Hard on a good day and even more difficult when I’m looking at the surrounding storm, watching the waves. And sinking.
Not only is Peter my favorite Bible character, but his story of walking on the waves is also my favorite place to go for encouragement.
God called Peter into that storm and out of the boat.
And even though he started to sink, God was there to rescue Peter.
Me too.
When I listen. When I dance. And more often than that, my awesome Daddy pursues me when I’m trying not to listen and instead working hard to sit things out in disobedience.
I don’t believe I’m alone in that. Peter and I aren’t the only ones that focused on the waves and sank. Right?
Wherever you are, whether enjoying a great dance, or trying to sit one out, please listen closely to the Father’s outstretched hands and love-filled command to “Come.”
You see, He’s playing your song.
Don’t sit this one out. Because when this dance lesson is over, we’ll be dancing for all eternity to the perfect rhythm of grace, in the arms of our Perfect Partner.
So dance. Even when life hurts. It’s worth every step.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
What's in a word?
This past Saturday I received my first real taste of what it means to be a writer. And it came in a most unexpected way. I'm a writer. Not a speaker. But God put two pretty amazing opportunities in my path that I couldn't find a way to veer around. So I walked straight ahead and right smack into them.
With much fear and trembling I might add.
I’ve never given a talk without a little inward war happening in my belly. Even when I teach Sunday school—which I do almost every week—I get nervous. Most times I can pray through it and settle down without another thought.
But going to speak when I’m up in front of a crowd as an “author” is another story. My knees literally start knocking and my voice gets quivery. And I vow I’ll never do it again.
This past Saturday was a whole different experience.
First off, until right at the starting time, it didn’t look like anyone would arrive. I’ve heard of fashionably late, but this was something else. By the time people arrived, I'd already decided to enjoy a nice brunch with the lady who invited me to speak and then head home. No knocking knees. No quivery voice.
Then when people did start to trickle in, I got involved in some conversation and forgot I was there to speak. We enjoyed a nice brunch and then when I was introduced, I just started talking. Shared a little about my family and jumped into the body of my talk.
About Heart Chocolate.
Between the subject matter and the smiling faces of some precious ladies, I felt at home. By the end of our time together, I felt refreshed and recharged. These ladies had given me a gift.
Through their nodding heads and bright smiles, along with a few “Amen’s” when I’d say something about enjoying chocolate, I received encouragement and learned a valuable lesson.
There’s power in our words.
It’s not like I didn’t realize that before. But this time the lesson was different. I was speaking as an author to people I had never met before. I went to encourage and to teach and came away the recipient and student.
These wonderful ladies listened to what I had to say and took the time afterwards to share with me what an encouragement I’d been to them. One precious lady even wrote to me later to say God had confirmed a direction for her through my talk.
Talk about the power of words.
As I pondered all that God was doing in my heart, I started to feel a familiar fear creep in. What if my stories and books don’t help, but hurt people? What if I handle a difficult situation in such a way that offends or worse, wounds? What if what I say doesn’t matter to anyone?
Worse yet, what if the same can be said of both my spoken and written words to those closest to me?
What if my fiction characters’ faults are thought to portray my family’s and people think poorly of those I love? What if my words don’t help, but instead wound my husband and children, my friends?
Scripture at times doesn’t comfort me in this fear. Verses about every word being brought into account terrify me at times. I know for a fact I’ve said and written things that I’m not proud of. Ashamed of actually.
Then I remember how John 1:14 says, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” And I realize that’s the greatest power of them all. The Word became flesh.
And He dwells with me.
He forgives me.
He gives me the power to seek forgiveness when I’ve hurt someone.
He even has in His plan the power to bring good out of each and every situation, out of each and every word. And He’s not finished with me yet.
So no matter what happens with my written and spoken words, I know Jesus is there. Guiding me. Disciplining me when I don’t listen. Cheering for me when I follow His footsteps. Picking me up when I fall.
Which makes me desire even more to consider the power of words…
The power to wound or to heal.
The power to shame or encourage.
The power of hate or of love.
The power to make a difference in another person’s life. To encourage change. To help people grow.
My deepest passion in life is to know God and show people, though healing hearts, how to glorify God by enjoying Him.
That happens through the power of words.
Prayers. Emails. Letters. Novels. Sunday school lessons. Speaking engagements. Hopefully even blogs.
And my daily prayer from Psalm 17:3 continues to be, “Lord, I have resolved that my mouth will not sin. The only way I can do that is through You working in me, guarding my mouth, guarding my heart. Help me speak Your words of life today. Help me write them too.”
I’d sure appreciate your prayers for me to do just that. I fail at this most if not every day. But each morning I’m learning to get up, confess my sins, and start the day fresh with His new mercies. To love a little more with my words. To listen a little more to His words. To rely a little more on Him to live through me.
After all, He’s the Word made flesh dwelling among us.
There’s nothing more powerful than that.
With much fear and trembling I might add.
I’ve never given a talk without a little inward war happening in my belly. Even when I teach Sunday school—which I do almost every week—I get nervous. Most times I can pray through it and settle down without another thought.
But going to speak when I’m up in front of a crowd as an “author” is another story. My knees literally start knocking and my voice gets quivery. And I vow I’ll never do it again.
This past Saturday was a whole different experience.
First off, until right at the starting time, it didn’t look like anyone would arrive. I’ve heard of fashionably late, but this was something else. By the time people arrived, I'd already decided to enjoy a nice brunch with the lady who invited me to speak and then head home. No knocking knees. No quivery voice.
Then when people did start to trickle in, I got involved in some conversation and forgot I was there to speak. We enjoyed a nice brunch and then when I was introduced, I just started talking. Shared a little about my family and jumped into the body of my talk.
About Heart Chocolate.
Between the subject matter and the smiling faces of some precious ladies, I felt at home. By the end of our time together, I felt refreshed and recharged. These ladies had given me a gift.
Through their nodding heads and bright smiles, along with a few “Amen’s” when I’d say something about enjoying chocolate, I received encouragement and learned a valuable lesson.
There’s power in our words.
It’s not like I didn’t realize that before. But this time the lesson was different. I was speaking as an author to people I had never met before. I went to encourage and to teach and came away the recipient and student.
These wonderful ladies listened to what I had to say and took the time afterwards to share with me what an encouragement I’d been to them. One precious lady even wrote to me later to say God had confirmed a direction for her through my talk.
Talk about the power of words.
As I pondered all that God was doing in my heart, I started to feel a familiar fear creep in. What if my stories and books don’t help, but hurt people? What if I handle a difficult situation in such a way that offends or worse, wounds? What if what I say doesn’t matter to anyone?
Worse yet, what if the same can be said of both my spoken and written words to those closest to me?
What if my fiction characters’ faults are thought to portray my family’s and people think poorly of those I love? What if my words don’t help, but instead wound my husband and children, my friends?
Scripture at times doesn’t comfort me in this fear. Verses about every word being brought into account terrify me at times. I know for a fact I’ve said and written things that I’m not proud of. Ashamed of actually.
Then I remember how John 1:14 says, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” And I realize that’s the greatest power of them all. The Word became flesh.
And He dwells with me.
He forgives me.
He gives me the power to seek forgiveness when I’ve hurt someone.
He even has in His plan the power to bring good out of each and every situation, out of each and every word. And He’s not finished with me yet.
So no matter what happens with my written and spoken words, I know Jesus is there. Guiding me. Disciplining me when I don’t listen. Cheering for me when I follow His footsteps. Picking me up when I fall.
Which makes me desire even more to consider the power of words…
The power to wound or to heal.
The power to shame or encourage.
The power of hate or of love.
The power to make a difference in another person’s life. To encourage change. To help people grow.
My deepest passion in life is to know God and show people, though healing hearts, how to glorify God by enjoying Him.
That happens through the power of words.
Prayers. Emails. Letters. Novels. Sunday school lessons. Speaking engagements. Hopefully even blogs.
And my daily prayer from Psalm 17:3 continues to be, “Lord, I have resolved that my mouth will not sin. The only way I can do that is through You working in me, guarding my mouth, guarding my heart. Help me speak Your words of life today. Help me write them too.”
I’d sure appreciate your prayers for me to do just that. I fail at this most if not every day. But each morning I’m learning to get up, confess my sins, and start the day fresh with His new mercies. To love a little more with my words. To listen a little more to His words. To rely a little more on Him to live through me.
After all, He’s the Word made flesh dwelling among us.
There’s nothing more powerful than that.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
U-Turns for Teens
I'm pleased to announce one of the two new and very awesome God Allows U-Turns books! These are wonderful books filled with stories that will meet you where you are and touch your heart.I'm showing this cover because I'm a contributing author in God Allows U-Turns for Teens. My story "If Only I Were Beautiful" delves into God's redemptive use of my past to help teen girls learn the Source of real self-confidence. These books are available at CBD and the God Allows U-Turns awesome website.
Or you can stop by my Heart Chocolate website and sign up to win your choice~ one of three U-Turns books: God Allows U-Turns for Teens, God Allows U-Turns for Women, or my first one, God Answers Mom's Prayers. The drawing will be held on March 31st and announced in my discussion board. If you haven't joined the Heart Chocolate community~ what are you waiting for? ;-) We'd love to have you!
Here's a blurb for God Allows U-Turns for Teens...
Do you feel like you’re headed down a road that shouldn’t be traveled? You’re not alone. Sometimes it’s too easy to find the wrong path. Sometimes you just feel lost. But God is waiting to help you turn your life around; He wants to show you the way. This powerful collection of stories from real-life teens offers encouragement and support as you overcome poor relationships with your parents, physical or sexual abuse, drug addiction, or painful consequences. With God, all things are possible.
Are you ready for a U-turn?
Thursday, March 02, 2006
What's your worth?
The other day I had a rare car ride alone with my oldest daughter. She confided in me that she wished she had curly hair and went on to add that she liked the name “Marianne” because when she says that name she sees a young and free little girl with beautiful curly hair who wears cute clothes and not glasses which make her look too old.
Everything my daughter believes she is not.
My heart hurt for her. Hurt because as we talked I heard all the lies I’ve believed too. Hurt because my daughter is struggling with things that run so deep for every female I’ve ever known or read about.
I’d be beautiful if… (fill in the blank)
I’m not pretty, important, worth being noticed because… (fill in the blank)
We can all fill in those blanks, can’t we?
What hurt even more was that I realized anew how painful those lies are and how hard it is to see the truth. Even for adults. When we have TV and movies and books to tell us that we should be this tiny size or have that type of hair or wear this type of clothes, it’s hard to believe God made us correctly.
The whisper comes to us like it did to Eve…
“Did God really say?” In other words—maybe God made a mistake.
I’d like to do what Eve and Adam did and play the blame game. It’s the TV’s fault. It’s society’s fault. It’s those mean kids who teased my daughter about her glasses.
But the truth is we have the power to choose.
We believe the lie or the truth.
We accept the world’s view or we don’t.
We believe God made us beautiful in His sight, exactly how He intended us to be.
Or we don’t.
But so what if we don’t believe God made us right with our straight or curly hair, with our pear or apple shape, with our glasses or not…then what?
Then we slide down the slippery slope of unbelief that leads in the opposite direction of our Heavenly Daddy’s arms.
Whether we’re eight, like my daughter, or eighty~ if we hate, dislike, could stand to improve, or are just mildly dissatisfied with our bodies~ we’re in effect looking in the face of our Creator and saying, “You didn’t make me right. You made a mistake.”
And who wants to hang out with the person that’s to blame for all we don’t like about ourselves?
My eight-year-old daughter is already getting hammered by the lies of the enemy attacking her beauty and her concept of who she really is. Lies that if left unchecked by the truth would eventually lead her away from the Lord to any number of painful places.
To spending lots of money on “cute” clothes. (And having to replace said clothes every few weeks because the fashion world and people’s opinions are fickle.)
To a male’s attention.
To self-hatred and depression.
To diet after diet ‘til the mirror tells her she’s beautiful.
Which won’t happen.
Because the mirror only reports what’s written on your heart. What you believe.
So what do you believe about yourself? Do you believe you’re beautiful? A unique creation that the God of the universe delights in. A beloved child of your Heavenly Daddy who said in the Garden and still says every time He looks at you, “It is good.”
Or do you believe your hair, clothes, glasses, body shape, and name say differently?
Let me share with you what I shared with my little girl…
I told her that the enemy is trying hard to get her to base her worth on the outside stuff. The things we can’t change—without much pain and expense—like our body shape, eyesight, and hair type. Instead of what God says is most important.
Our heart.
Our heart, which—if we belong to Him—has already been redeemed and made new. A heart that, if we live out of the truth, can change the world and shine His glory. A heart that, if we believe the truth, rests in His presence and glorifies Him by enjoying Him forever.
But when we base our worth on the outside stuff, we depend on anyone and everyone else to tell us we’re okay. And that quickly leads to pain. Compromise. Dissatisfaction. Anger at ourselves and others for never seeming to make the cut of what’s enough. Or, if we make the cut sometimes, we end up on the treadmill of acceptance working hard to keep the positive opinions coming.
Never looking to God. Or if we look to Him not really believing what He says is true. But that doesn’t change what’s true.
God says we’re beloved children. (Isaiah 43:1)
Beautiful. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
The apple of His eye. (Zechariah 2:8)
Worth counting every hair on our heads and capturing every tear in his bottle. (Matthew 10:30-31 and Psalm 56:8)
Worth singing over. (Zephaniah 3:17)
Worth dying for. (John 3:16)
Worth living with forever. (John 14:2-3)
Worth waiting for and wooing so that we’ll turn from the lies, from the fickle opinion of our mirror and other’s words, and come home. (Matthew 11:28 and John 6:29)
To an opinion of you that never changes. (Hebrews 13:8)
Is filled with love. (1 John 4:8-10)
And given with a smile and outstretched arms. (Luke 15:20)
Don’t believe that? That’s okay. It’s still true.
But God’s desire is that you believe the truth. In fact He said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)
Maybe it’s time to take another look at that mirror. Only this time, ask the Lord, “What do You see? What’s true about me?” Then listen closely.
The one who sees you first thing in the morning and even on bad hair days says you’re worth far more than rubies.
In fact, He is enthralled with your beauty. (Psalm 45:11)
Everything my daughter believes she is not.
My heart hurt for her. Hurt because as we talked I heard all the lies I’ve believed too. Hurt because my daughter is struggling with things that run so deep for every female I’ve ever known or read about.
I’d be beautiful if… (fill in the blank)
I’m not pretty, important, worth being noticed because… (fill in the blank)
We can all fill in those blanks, can’t we?
What hurt even more was that I realized anew how painful those lies are and how hard it is to see the truth. Even for adults. When we have TV and movies and books to tell us that we should be this tiny size or have that type of hair or wear this type of clothes, it’s hard to believe God made us correctly.
The whisper comes to us like it did to Eve…
“Did God really say?” In other words—maybe God made a mistake.
I’d like to do what Eve and Adam did and play the blame game. It’s the TV’s fault. It’s society’s fault. It’s those mean kids who teased my daughter about her glasses.
But the truth is we have the power to choose.
We believe the lie or the truth.
We accept the world’s view or we don’t.
We believe God made us beautiful in His sight, exactly how He intended us to be.
Or we don’t.
But so what if we don’t believe God made us right with our straight or curly hair, with our pear or apple shape, with our glasses or not…then what?
Then we slide down the slippery slope of unbelief that leads in the opposite direction of our Heavenly Daddy’s arms.
Whether we’re eight, like my daughter, or eighty~ if we hate, dislike, could stand to improve, or are just mildly dissatisfied with our bodies~ we’re in effect looking in the face of our Creator and saying, “You didn’t make me right. You made a mistake.”
And who wants to hang out with the person that’s to blame for all we don’t like about ourselves?
My eight-year-old daughter is already getting hammered by the lies of the enemy attacking her beauty and her concept of who she really is. Lies that if left unchecked by the truth would eventually lead her away from the Lord to any number of painful places.
To spending lots of money on “cute” clothes. (And having to replace said clothes every few weeks because the fashion world and people’s opinions are fickle.)
To a male’s attention.
To self-hatred and depression.
To diet after diet ‘til the mirror tells her she’s beautiful.
Which won’t happen.
Because the mirror only reports what’s written on your heart. What you believe.
So what do you believe about yourself? Do you believe you’re beautiful? A unique creation that the God of the universe delights in. A beloved child of your Heavenly Daddy who said in the Garden and still says every time He looks at you, “It is good.”
Or do you believe your hair, clothes, glasses, body shape, and name say differently?
Let me share with you what I shared with my little girl…
I told her that the enemy is trying hard to get her to base her worth on the outside stuff. The things we can’t change—without much pain and expense—like our body shape, eyesight, and hair type. Instead of what God says is most important.
Our heart.
Our heart, which—if we belong to Him—has already been redeemed and made new. A heart that, if we live out of the truth, can change the world and shine His glory. A heart that, if we believe the truth, rests in His presence and glorifies Him by enjoying Him forever.
But when we base our worth on the outside stuff, we depend on anyone and everyone else to tell us we’re okay. And that quickly leads to pain. Compromise. Dissatisfaction. Anger at ourselves and others for never seeming to make the cut of what’s enough. Or, if we make the cut sometimes, we end up on the treadmill of acceptance working hard to keep the positive opinions coming.
Never looking to God. Or if we look to Him not really believing what He says is true. But that doesn’t change what’s true.
God says we’re beloved children. (Isaiah 43:1)
Beautiful. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
The apple of His eye. (Zechariah 2:8)
Worth counting every hair on our heads and capturing every tear in his bottle. (Matthew 10:30-31 and Psalm 56:8)
Worth singing over. (Zephaniah 3:17)
Worth dying for. (John 3:16)
Worth living with forever. (John 14:2-3)
Worth waiting for and wooing so that we’ll turn from the lies, from the fickle opinion of our mirror and other’s words, and come home. (Matthew 11:28 and John 6:29)
To an opinion of you that never changes. (Hebrews 13:8)
Is filled with love. (1 John 4:8-10)
And given with a smile and outstretched arms. (Luke 15:20)
Don’t believe that? That’s okay. It’s still true.
But God’s desire is that you believe the truth. In fact He said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32)
Maybe it’s time to take another look at that mirror. Only this time, ask the Lord, “What do You see? What’s true about me?” Then listen closely.
The one who sees you first thing in the morning and even on bad hair days says you’re worth far more than rubies.
In fact, He is enthralled with your beauty. (Psalm 45:11)
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Happy Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentine's Day!!!!
I'd like to tempt your tummy with a little ditty about this here picture straight from the Godiva website...
"Some attractions are just too powerful to resist. Surrender your heart to our universal object of love-- chocolate! A sumptuous assortment of milk, dark, and white chocolates, including ganaches, creams, caramels, and nuts." Valentine's Day Ballotin 1 lb. (36 pieces)
Why am I sharing this picture and write up? Besides the fact that it's my treat to myself for signing a three-book deal with Multnomah Publishers, it's also what I'm sending to a very special winner from my Heart Chocolate contest. Please come check out the Discussion Boards at www.amywallace.com to find out who that special somebody is! And while you're there, sign up and join the Heart Chocolate community. Right now we're talking about fiction, the life of moms, a writer's life, and my favorite subject... chocolate. :-) There's also a place to talk about Bible studies and a special place for students. I'd love to see those boards get busy with some God-sized encouragement to be found there.
I'd like to leave you with a Valentine thought for this special day we celebrate love. I quite think this is a Hallmark holiday that we as Christians need to embrace and show the world what love is really all about. Chocolates are wonderful (my girls and I have taught my husband well in this area) kisses and cards from my kiddos are awesome. But knowing I'm unconditionally loved by at least four people in addition to my Heavenly Daddy...priceless. ;-) Because that's what it's all about...LOVE. Without it we wither and with it we blossom.
The all-time best place to find it is in the arms of your Heavenly Daddy. Here are two posts about Unfailing love and The Call of God that are worth a second read.
Other incredible places to receive love once we're enjoying the love of God... a spouse, kiddos, friends. And a most important place... ourselves. Check out A Place of Grace to see what I mean.
And when all my words on love fail to perfectly capture the essence of love, there's only one place to turn...
1 Corinthians 13. Paul calls it the most excellent way~ LOVE.
1 Corinthians 13 (NLT)
If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.
Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged.
It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
Love will last forever, but prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will all disappear. Now we know only a little, and even the gift of prophecy reveals little! But when the end comes, these special gifts will all disappear.
It's like this: When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child does. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now.
There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.
Happy Valentine's Day!!!! You are LOVED!!!
Monday, February 06, 2006
An Invitation
Thank you all so much for praying about the whole message board mess! I'm excited to report the boards are back up and running and we didn't lose any information while things were being fixed. You guys are the best! :-)
So now I get to issue the formal invitation I've been wanting to send....
Come one, come all to the Heart Chocolate Message Boards!!!
Where: www.amywallace.com
Click the link titled Discussion Board and then the "Enter the message boards here" button. Please fill out a quick registration and come join the fun!
When: Anytime!
Why: To be encouraged and connect over all sorts of topics. If you don't find a topic you're interested in, please create a new one.
Thanks again for your prayers and for your help in making the new message boards a thriving community where we can all come to relax, grow, and be encouraged.
Once things get a little busier on the boards my wonderful webmaster hubby is going to add a new feature~ a live chat forum designed to host authors, marriage counselors, student leaders, and others for interactive question and answer times.
All of these neat features, my website, blog, teaching, my writing, parenting, and loving my husband and friends can be summed up in my one all-consuming passion. It's something I've spent time praying about and asking God to clarify for me. Here it is... My all-consuming passion is to know and show others~ through healing hearts~ how to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.
That leads to my second invitation:
What's your all-consuming passion? I invite you to talk it over with God and let Him show you not only how much He loves you, but also who He created you to be.
Here's to living with passion and loving well.
So now I get to issue the formal invitation I've been wanting to send....
Come one, come all to the Heart Chocolate Message Boards!!!
Where: www.amywallace.com
Click the link titled Discussion Board and then the "Enter the message boards here" button. Please fill out a quick registration and come join the fun!
When: Anytime!
Why: To be encouraged and connect over all sorts of topics. If you don't find a topic you're interested in, please create a new one.
Thanks again for your prayers and for your help in making the new message boards a thriving community where we can all come to relax, grow, and be encouraged.
Once things get a little busier on the boards my wonderful webmaster hubby is going to add a new feature~ a live chat forum designed to host authors, marriage counselors, student leaders, and others for interactive question and answer times.
All of these neat features, my website, blog, teaching, my writing, parenting, and loving my husband and friends can be summed up in my one all-consuming passion. It's something I've spent time praying about and asking God to clarify for me. Here it is... My all-consuming passion is to know and show others~ through healing hearts~ how to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.
That leads to my second invitation:
What's your all-consuming passion? I invite you to talk it over with God and let Him show you not only how much He loves you, but also who He created you to be.
Here's to living with passion and loving well.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Message Board
I had hoped to post last week and let you all know the message board at my Heart Chocolate website was up and running. But before I posted here, the boards went down. Something about a phpbb error and we can't get technical support to get it fixed. I'd sure appreciate your prayers as the boards were starting to get busy and a community starting to form. My heart is to host a place where we can chat about all sorts of life things and give and receive the encouragement we need.
Life is hard, but God is good. And it sure helps remind each other of that truth.
Thanks for your prayers! I'll let everyone know when we are back and running.
I'll close with a thought I'm pondering today as I get ready to start work on book 2 of my new romantic suspense series and get ready to teach tomorrow~
Remember... God is smiling and singing over you. His thoughts are filled with how awesome and incredible you are and how much He loves you. Check out Psalm 139 and picture it. Your Heavenly Daddy loves you SO MUCH!
He IS smiling... at you.
Enjoy Him today.
Life is hard, but God is good. And it sure helps remind each other of that truth.
Thanks for your prayers! I'll let everyone know when we are back and running.
I'll close with a thought I'm pondering today as I get ready to start work on book 2 of my new romantic suspense series and get ready to teach tomorrow~
Remember... God is smiling and singing over you. His thoughts are filled with how awesome and incredible you are and how much He loves you. Check out Psalm 139 and picture it. Your Heavenly Daddy loves you SO MUCH!
He IS smiling... at you.
Enjoy Him today.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
A Sneak Peek
Long time, no blog... I know and I've been praying about what to write. Well tonight the inspiration hit. In one week I'll be doing my first speaking engagement. Just typing that makes my insides quiver a bit. But it's about a topic near and dear to my heart. So I'm giving you all a sneak peek into my talk. And asking for your prayers.
I'll be speaking to a mom's group at my church Thursday, February 9th, from 10 am to 12 pm EST. Please pray hearts would be ready to receive whatever the Lord does and that my voice will convey my heart without wobbling. :-)
Here's the meat of the talk minus what I hope are some jokes worth laughing at and some group exercises to help what's said make it into application.
Thanks for praying for me! I already feel a little less nervous.
Slow the Rush and Enjoy the Journey
1) Take care of yourself.
As moms especially we tend to put ourselves last on the list if we even make the list of people to take care of. With little ones, time alone is a hard commodity to come by. I understand that well. So what I want to talk about here isn’t one more thing to add to your already packed To-Do list. It’s about your heart.
One of the first things I learned at the marriage intensive I attended a year ago was that we live out of what we believe in our hearts. And from our earliest years the enemy has been whispering lies we’ve accepted as truth. Lies like…
I’m unlovable.
I’m helpless.
I’m not good enough.
I’m stuck.
I’m a horrible mommy.
These lies zap so much of our energy before we even get started on the daily stuff. And doing the daily stuff while we’re already worn out emotionally and physically then adds to these lies. Nasty cycle.
The way out is simple. Not easy. But simple.
There are two aspects of this way out.
#1 is getting with God to deal with the lies
#2 is learning how to get filled instead of drained.
Dealing with the lies
The first step in dealing with the lies is facing them, bringing them into the light, and asking God “What’s written on my heart?”
Next is feeling the pain behind the lies. The memories where those lies got started. Crying here is healing. Not the angry crying we may have done when we got hurt or the manipulative crying we might do to try and stop the hurt. But just feeling the hurt.
The last part is asking God what the truth about you is.
Here’s how that looked for me the first time I started dealing with my heart. For as long as I can remember back I’ve always had a painful sense that I’d never quite hit the mark. I tried to prove wasn’t true. In fact, my perfectionism and type A drivenness could be traced back to this one lie.
I’m a disappointment.
When I got alone with God to talk to Him about it, I tried to reason away where I would have believed that lie from and tried to ignore the memories. But as soon as I asked God where that lie started, the memories flooded in. Times when I messed up on test in school, times when I tried hard to please my mom and never could, times when my mom yelled at me and told me how she wished I’d never been born.
Those times were instantly so real I could taste the tears I cried then. But then I was hurt and angry and didn’t understand. Now, as an adult, I just felt the hurt. And understood I’d lived out of that lie, which is exactly what the enemy wanted me to do. Not my mom, not the other people who said I disappointed them. I chose to believe a lie and live as if it were true or trying to prove it wasn’t true. Instead of letting God show me what was true.
So I asked Him. After I’d cried and cried with all the memories, I asked God, “What do You say about me?” And to my absolute surprise, He answered. Not me conjuring up an answer, but one that made my heart pound and my soul smile. God spoke straight to my heart and said, “Amy, you are my beloved child with whom I am well pleased.”
I found out later those were words God had spoken to Jesus at His baptism, before He’d even begun His earthly ministry. Then I was positive God couldn’t have said them to me. Me? But He did. And through the counselors at the marriage intensive, God showed me He did indeed speak and did truly mean I was His beloved child and He was pleased with me.
It’s been a year and those words still grab my heart and hold it in a hug from God.
He does speak. He longs for us to hear what He truly thinks about us.
And that’s the first step of healing. Get the lies out in the light and talk it over with God. Listen to what He says about you. It will change your heart from a place of rocky soil where there’s little room for the Word to take root and grow, to a place where truth and life flow freely.
Getting filled instead of drained
I’d like to share some scriptures here that illustrate both why and how we get filled.
The first is Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Jesus lays out the 2 greatest commandments. Love God. Love yourself and others. Two things to keep in mind here. You can’t love yourself or others without loving God and letting Him love you. That’s where we learn what love means and looks like. The other thing is you cannot love others unless you love yourself. You have to be filled inside to have anything to give away.
Here are a few more scriptures worth considering:
2 Cor 1:3-5 The God of all comfort will comfort you so you can comfort others
Rom 15:13 God fills us so that we might overflow to those around us
Luke 5:16 Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray
Mark 6:31 Jesus told the disciples to be by themselves and rest
Based on those scriptures, here’s a short version of why we are to take care of ourselves~
God commanded it
Jesus modeled it
And the Holy Spirit empowers it.
There’s the why…here’s the how
Both Mark 12:30 and Luke 2:52 speak to four ways to get filled
The two greatest commandments in Mark 12:30 show the four areas we need to get filled in. Love the Lord with all your heart (emotional), soul (spiritual), mind (mental), and strength (physical).
Luke 2:52 says Jesus grew is wisdom (mental) stature (physical) favor with God (spiritual) and man (emotional)
Emotional
Listen to your heart, get information from your feelings, don’t ignore them
Example: journaling or talking to mature Christian friends~ so often I hear truth I was missing when my best friend points out a scripture or an idea that hadn’t crossed my mind.
Spiritual
Hang out with God. Not “read for an hour every day and pray for another hour.” Just hang out with God because you want to and because He wants to hang out with you. Sure, read your Bible and pray. But not as a task, as a way to get to know God.
Examples: getting outside with nature, listening to praise music, listening to a child pray. My top two here are listening to a mountain stream and my children praying. I’ve gotten away to listen to a stream alone that a few times, but since I’m a busy mommy, I can’t do that often. So I bought a few water CD’s at Target. They’re great! My other one is listening to my children pray. So often their simple, faith-filled talking to their Heavenly Daddy reminds me that’s how I’m to come too.
Mental
Feed your mind with healthy things.
Examples: Turn off the TV and computer. Turn on praise music or read a good book. Philippians 4:8 thinking isn’t just a good idea, it’s a command for our very best.
Physical
Studies show our bodies need at least 8 hours of sleep. I know for a fact I’m not a good mommy if I’m sleepy and grumpy. I stand a far better chance of listening to God and living in His strength if I obey His command to take care of myself. That includes sleep.
Example: Getting 8 hours of sleep at night. Eating healthy. Getting regular exercise. That’s not a To-do list item either. It’s a necessity for your mind and body that you can combine a few things to accomplish. If you like to read, what about reading for 20 minutes while walking on the treadmill? Or taking your kids in a stroller and walking abound the block? There are ways to multitask without adding lines on the list.
Taking care of yourself is the best gift you can give the people around you.
Taking care of ourselves is also one of the most important ways we make it possible to enjoy the journey of mommyhood.
If you’d like more information or to go more in depth in this area, check out the Life Resources section on my website for the link to some Bible studies I wrote for a women’s conference and then revised to teach my senior high Sunday school class about getting whole, full, and healthy. There’s also a discussion board on the website to talk about these studies and connect and learn with other women. Please come visit! www.amywallace.com
2) Prayer
To me prayer is all about loving God and loving others. One of the ways I most effectively serve my husband and children is to pray for them. It’s also some of the best time well spent.
Resources:
Praying the Armor from Ephesians 6
Stormie O’Martian’s The Power of a Praying Wife
Stormie O’Martian’s The Power of a Praying Parent.
Another resource in praying is listening to how God answers the prayers of others. God Answers Mom’s Prayers. I have a story in here entitled “For This Child.” It’s all about how God answered my prayers for protection with a “No” because He had a greater lesson to teach me. Plus, it’s a great example of my tornado second child and how I went to the emergency room in her place.
3) Nurture Your Marriage
Splashes of Serenity devotional: “Nurturing a good marriage goes a long way toward nurturing a child.” Not only that, but nurturing a good marriage goes a long way in nurturing your heart and drawing you closer to God.
Resources:
Simply Romantic Nights and Simply Romantic Secrets from FamilyLife.
Having a date night might feel at first like another thing to add to the “To-do” list, but taking the time once a week or once a month to really stop the world, connect, and focus on each other is worth the time spent. It can slow the rush of life and give you a little oasis where you can fill up and relax.
My marriage wasn’t well enough for over nine years to do any of those things. If that’s where you are, I have two recommendations. One is the Smalley Couples Intensive and the other is Dr. Douglas Rosenau. He is the most amazing counselor we’ve had. He really loved us both and helped us see the good worth working for in our marriage.
4) Calm bedtime routines
A few one on one minutes of calm can really revitalize our mommy hearts and help us connect with the hearts of our children.
This daily activity helped me stay sane many a day. It renewed my vision for loving my job as a daily clearner-upper, bottom-wiper, discipliner, and all the rest of my mommy hats because it gave me a glimpse of the pay-off. I could snuggle with each child in the quiet of their room and sing a lullaby, pray, and just chat a few minutes to see how their day was. Even my high-energy tornado kid would let me rock her and be still while I prayed and sang to her. It calmed us all down after a busy day.
I started this routine when they were babies. We’d wash face and brush teeth and then go into their room to have a few minutes together. While I was with one, the other two would be in their rooms reading or resting. I start with the youngest and go up in age in order because I figure the older they are the longer they can handle waiting.
Having a calm nighttime routine is one of those mommy things that top my Treasured Moments list. It’s worth working to put in place. For our children and for us.
5) Mommy and child dates
Planning special time to laugh and play with each child can nurture both mom’s and kid’s hearts.
We do this once a month with each child. Usually, we let the girls choose the activity. We’ve gone to the library to read, the park to play, occasionally out to dinner, a walk through our neighborhood, or to the children’s section of a bookstore. We often spend anywhere from one hour to three depending on our family schedule and needs.
My husband and I also take turns each month so that every other month we each get some good one-on-one time with each child. It’s so worth the time to get to know each child in their uniqueness and let them see how important they are to you.
6) Building into the schedule time to play as a family
Carving out time to just have fun slows the rush down and builds memories that enhance joy both now and later. We protect Friday nights to have game nights in our home. We’ve taught our girls how to play marbles and we all have a ball with that. My two year old loves holding the biggest, shiniest marble and chasing after the ones we don’t catch. We also play UNO and a host of board games and card games.
Sometimes we just read together as a family. We’ve recently read Little Women and Little Men by Louisa May Alcott, Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery and all of us snuggle up and imagine the story.
A few times we’ve popped popcorn and watched a movie like Anne of Green Gables or Beauty and the Beast.
7) Purpose not to wish or pray away the journey
There’s a quote from and old In Touch article about the persecuted church in China that I will never forget… “American Christians pray, ‘Lord deliver us from this trial.’ Chinese Christians pray, ‘Lord strengthen our backs.’”
What a different perspective.
God loves us more than we can imagine. And sometimes He shows it by giving us tough times to strengthen our faith. God gave me a priceless gift in the tough pregnancies and difficult first years. He gave me Himself. He captured my tears in a bottle and reminded me over and over not a one of them was shed in vain.
The truth is we can't stop time or even make the clocks move slower. But we can take care of ourselves, pray, and find practical ways to slow the rush and enjoy this journey. We can purpose to seek God and enjoy Him~ that’s the all-encompassing way we find the abundant life, the joy Jesus came to give us. My favorite line of the Westminster Shorter Catechism with a slight tweak from pastor John Piper says this, "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever." In doing that we can slow the rush of life and find joy in the journey of mommyhood, watching God work in and through us.
Here’s to the journey…may you enjoy it with all your heart.
I'll be speaking to a mom's group at my church Thursday, February 9th, from 10 am to 12 pm EST. Please pray hearts would be ready to receive whatever the Lord does and that my voice will convey my heart without wobbling. :-)
Here's the meat of the talk minus what I hope are some jokes worth laughing at and some group exercises to help what's said make it into application.
Thanks for praying for me! I already feel a little less nervous.
Slow the Rush and Enjoy the Journey
1) Take care of yourself.
As moms especially we tend to put ourselves last on the list if we even make the list of people to take care of. With little ones, time alone is a hard commodity to come by. I understand that well. So what I want to talk about here isn’t one more thing to add to your already packed To-Do list. It’s about your heart.
One of the first things I learned at the marriage intensive I attended a year ago was that we live out of what we believe in our hearts. And from our earliest years the enemy has been whispering lies we’ve accepted as truth. Lies like…
I’m unlovable.
I’m helpless.
I’m not good enough.
I’m stuck.
I’m a horrible mommy.
These lies zap so much of our energy before we even get started on the daily stuff. And doing the daily stuff while we’re already worn out emotionally and physically then adds to these lies. Nasty cycle.
The way out is simple. Not easy. But simple.
There are two aspects of this way out.
#1 is getting with God to deal with the lies
#2 is learning how to get filled instead of drained.
Dealing with the lies
The first step in dealing with the lies is facing them, bringing them into the light, and asking God “What’s written on my heart?”
Next is feeling the pain behind the lies. The memories where those lies got started. Crying here is healing. Not the angry crying we may have done when we got hurt or the manipulative crying we might do to try and stop the hurt. But just feeling the hurt.
The last part is asking God what the truth about you is.
Here’s how that looked for me the first time I started dealing with my heart. For as long as I can remember back I’ve always had a painful sense that I’d never quite hit the mark. I tried to prove wasn’t true. In fact, my perfectionism and type A drivenness could be traced back to this one lie.
I’m a disappointment.
When I got alone with God to talk to Him about it, I tried to reason away where I would have believed that lie from and tried to ignore the memories. But as soon as I asked God where that lie started, the memories flooded in. Times when I messed up on test in school, times when I tried hard to please my mom and never could, times when my mom yelled at me and told me how she wished I’d never been born.
Those times were instantly so real I could taste the tears I cried then. But then I was hurt and angry and didn’t understand. Now, as an adult, I just felt the hurt. And understood I’d lived out of that lie, which is exactly what the enemy wanted me to do. Not my mom, not the other people who said I disappointed them. I chose to believe a lie and live as if it were true or trying to prove it wasn’t true. Instead of letting God show me what was true.
So I asked Him. After I’d cried and cried with all the memories, I asked God, “What do You say about me?” And to my absolute surprise, He answered. Not me conjuring up an answer, but one that made my heart pound and my soul smile. God spoke straight to my heart and said, “Amy, you are my beloved child with whom I am well pleased.”
I found out later those were words God had spoken to Jesus at His baptism, before He’d even begun His earthly ministry. Then I was positive God couldn’t have said them to me. Me? But He did. And through the counselors at the marriage intensive, God showed me He did indeed speak and did truly mean I was His beloved child and He was pleased with me.
It’s been a year and those words still grab my heart and hold it in a hug from God.
He does speak. He longs for us to hear what He truly thinks about us.
And that’s the first step of healing. Get the lies out in the light and talk it over with God. Listen to what He says about you. It will change your heart from a place of rocky soil where there’s little room for the Word to take root and grow, to a place where truth and life flow freely.
Getting filled instead of drained
I’d like to share some scriptures here that illustrate both why and how we get filled.
The first is Mark 12:30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Jesus lays out the 2 greatest commandments. Love God. Love yourself and others. Two things to keep in mind here. You can’t love yourself or others without loving God and letting Him love you. That’s where we learn what love means and looks like. The other thing is you cannot love others unless you love yourself. You have to be filled inside to have anything to give away.
Here are a few more scriptures worth considering:
2 Cor 1:3-5 The God of all comfort will comfort you so you can comfort others
Rom 15:13 God fills us so that we might overflow to those around us
Luke 5:16 Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray
Mark 6:31 Jesus told the disciples to be by themselves and rest
Based on those scriptures, here’s a short version of why we are to take care of ourselves~
God commanded it
Jesus modeled it
And the Holy Spirit empowers it.
There’s the why…here’s the how
Both Mark 12:30 and Luke 2:52 speak to four ways to get filled
The two greatest commandments in Mark 12:30 show the four areas we need to get filled in. Love the Lord with all your heart (emotional), soul (spiritual), mind (mental), and strength (physical).
Luke 2:52 says Jesus grew is wisdom (mental) stature (physical) favor with God (spiritual) and man (emotional)
Emotional
Listen to your heart, get information from your feelings, don’t ignore them
Example: journaling or talking to mature Christian friends~ so often I hear truth I was missing when my best friend points out a scripture or an idea that hadn’t crossed my mind.
Spiritual
Hang out with God. Not “read for an hour every day and pray for another hour.” Just hang out with God because you want to and because He wants to hang out with you. Sure, read your Bible and pray. But not as a task, as a way to get to know God.
Examples: getting outside with nature, listening to praise music, listening to a child pray. My top two here are listening to a mountain stream and my children praying. I’ve gotten away to listen to a stream alone that a few times, but since I’m a busy mommy, I can’t do that often. So I bought a few water CD’s at Target. They’re great! My other one is listening to my children pray. So often their simple, faith-filled talking to their Heavenly Daddy reminds me that’s how I’m to come too.
Mental
Feed your mind with healthy things.
Examples: Turn off the TV and computer. Turn on praise music or read a good book. Philippians 4:8 thinking isn’t just a good idea, it’s a command for our very best.
Physical
Studies show our bodies need at least 8 hours of sleep. I know for a fact I’m not a good mommy if I’m sleepy and grumpy. I stand a far better chance of listening to God and living in His strength if I obey His command to take care of myself. That includes sleep.
Example: Getting 8 hours of sleep at night. Eating healthy. Getting regular exercise. That’s not a To-do list item either. It’s a necessity for your mind and body that you can combine a few things to accomplish. If you like to read, what about reading for 20 minutes while walking on the treadmill? Or taking your kids in a stroller and walking abound the block? There are ways to multitask without adding lines on the list.
Taking care of yourself is the best gift you can give the people around you.
Taking care of ourselves is also one of the most important ways we make it possible to enjoy the journey of mommyhood.
If you’d like more information or to go more in depth in this area, check out the Life Resources section on my website for the link to some Bible studies I wrote for a women’s conference and then revised to teach my senior high Sunday school class about getting whole, full, and healthy. There’s also a discussion board on the website to talk about these studies and connect and learn with other women. Please come visit! www.amywallace.com
2) Prayer
To me prayer is all about loving God and loving others. One of the ways I most effectively serve my husband and children is to pray for them. It’s also some of the best time well spent.
Resources:
Praying the Armor from Ephesians 6
Stormie O’Martian’s The Power of a Praying Wife
Stormie O’Martian’s The Power of a Praying Parent.
Another resource in praying is listening to how God answers the prayers of others. God Answers Mom’s Prayers. I have a story in here entitled “For This Child.” It’s all about how God answered my prayers for protection with a “No” because He had a greater lesson to teach me. Plus, it’s a great example of my tornado second child and how I went to the emergency room in her place.
3) Nurture Your Marriage
Splashes of Serenity devotional: “Nurturing a good marriage goes a long way toward nurturing a child.” Not only that, but nurturing a good marriage goes a long way in nurturing your heart and drawing you closer to God.
Resources:
Simply Romantic Nights and Simply Romantic Secrets from FamilyLife.
Having a date night might feel at first like another thing to add to the “To-do” list, but taking the time once a week or once a month to really stop the world, connect, and focus on each other is worth the time spent. It can slow the rush of life and give you a little oasis where you can fill up and relax.
My marriage wasn’t well enough for over nine years to do any of those things. If that’s where you are, I have two recommendations. One is the Smalley Couples Intensive and the other is Dr. Douglas Rosenau. He is the most amazing counselor we’ve had. He really loved us both and helped us see the good worth working for in our marriage.
4) Calm bedtime routines
A few one on one minutes of calm can really revitalize our mommy hearts and help us connect with the hearts of our children.
This daily activity helped me stay sane many a day. It renewed my vision for loving my job as a daily clearner-upper, bottom-wiper, discipliner, and all the rest of my mommy hats because it gave me a glimpse of the pay-off. I could snuggle with each child in the quiet of their room and sing a lullaby, pray, and just chat a few minutes to see how their day was. Even my high-energy tornado kid would let me rock her and be still while I prayed and sang to her. It calmed us all down after a busy day.
I started this routine when they were babies. We’d wash face and brush teeth and then go into their room to have a few minutes together. While I was with one, the other two would be in their rooms reading or resting. I start with the youngest and go up in age in order because I figure the older they are the longer they can handle waiting.
Having a calm nighttime routine is one of those mommy things that top my Treasured Moments list. It’s worth working to put in place. For our children and for us.
5) Mommy and child dates
Planning special time to laugh and play with each child can nurture both mom’s and kid’s hearts.
We do this once a month with each child. Usually, we let the girls choose the activity. We’ve gone to the library to read, the park to play, occasionally out to dinner, a walk through our neighborhood, or to the children’s section of a bookstore. We often spend anywhere from one hour to three depending on our family schedule and needs.
My husband and I also take turns each month so that every other month we each get some good one-on-one time with each child. It’s so worth the time to get to know each child in their uniqueness and let them see how important they are to you.
6) Building into the schedule time to play as a family
Carving out time to just have fun slows the rush down and builds memories that enhance joy both now and later. We protect Friday nights to have game nights in our home. We’ve taught our girls how to play marbles and we all have a ball with that. My two year old loves holding the biggest, shiniest marble and chasing after the ones we don’t catch. We also play UNO and a host of board games and card games.
Sometimes we just read together as a family. We’ve recently read Little Women and Little Men by Louisa May Alcott, Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery and all of us snuggle up and imagine the story.
A few times we’ve popped popcorn and watched a movie like Anne of Green Gables or Beauty and the Beast.
7) Purpose not to wish or pray away the journey
There’s a quote from and old In Touch article about the persecuted church in China that I will never forget… “American Christians pray, ‘Lord deliver us from this trial.’ Chinese Christians pray, ‘Lord strengthen our backs.’”
What a different perspective.
God loves us more than we can imagine. And sometimes He shows it by giving us tough times to strengthen our faith. God gave me a priceless gift in the tough pregnancies and difficult first years. He gave me Himself. He captured my tears in a bottle and reminded me over and over not a one of them was shed in vain.
The truth is we can't stop time or even make the clocks move slower. But we can take care of ourselves, pray, and find practical ways to slow the rush and enjoy this journey. We can purpose to seek God and enjoy Him~ that’s the all-encompassing way we find the abundant life, the joy Jesus came to give us. My favorite line of the Westminster Shorter Catechism with a slight tweak from pastor John Piper says this, "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever." In doing that we can slow the rush of life and find joy in the journey of mommyhood, watching God work in and through us.
Here’s to the journey…may you enjoy it with all your heart.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
A Word for the heart
It's ten days into the New Year and I’ve been mulling over a blog post by my wonderful mentor Mary Griffith about a word for the year. After reading her post and a few other bloggers' entries about the word God had given them for the year, I decided to ask God about a word for me.
The answer came quicker than I expected.
It both frightened and thrilled me. Frightened me because this is an area I’ve known God wanted to talk over with me for some time. And I’ve sort of avoided the discussion because it felt impossible for me to “do” what I thought He wanted me to do. But these past few days God has shown me that it’s not so much about me “doing” but me resting in Him and my word for the year will happen.
What’s the word?
ENJOY.
And immediately after He gave me this word, He handed me a speaking engagement where my topic is none other than my word for the year. It’s about slowing the rush and enjoying the journey through knowing and enjoying Him.
Then He let the testing come to drive home His point.
In the past few weeks I’ve been blessed over and above what I could have asked or imagined. And with these awesome gifts has come a question.
Will you trust Me?
I keep saying, “Yes, Lord. I trust You.” And then I get busy trying to tie up all the loose ends of life... today. Loose ends like five years of scrapbooking pictures sitting in boxes begging to be put in my books. Homeschool lessons to schedule for next year. Books to read. A mom lit novel burning in my heart to finish before I jump into my contracted series. Sunday school lessons I’ve wanted to teach for a long time that require much of me to do well. Then there are the daily things of life that I hold dear…laughing with my children, snuggling with my husband, talking to my friends on the phone and by email.
I can’t do any of these well when I let the rush of “have to” get in the way of enjoying the journey.
So God had to exhaust me last night with the futility of trying to do it all and then show me today how life doesn’t work well if I refuse to obey His two greatest commandments.
Love God and love others as myself.
I’d put my agenda as my focus and missed the joy in the journey. I hadn’t loved God well because I decided to depend on me to get it done. I hadn’t loved myself well because I was sleep deprived and hurting with all the stuff I was putting on my shoulders. And I certainly hadn’t loved my most favorite others~ my family~ because I was grouchy and rushed in all I was trying to do.
So I took a nap.
And woke up this afternoon knowing for sure the Lord has so much to teach me this year! But I’m glad for it. I’m glad He never lets me get so caught up in my To-Do lists and agendas for long. He wants me to get this word for the year.
ENJOY.
Enjoy the sunrises I’m blessed to see, the precious moments I have talking with my Daddy before the day swings into motion, connecting with my hubby, the sweet hugs of my girls, talking with my friends, and feeling the pleasure of God as I do the work He’s called and created me to do.
I can’t do any of that when I’m in rush mode. And I certainly can’t do any of it with my whole heart resting in the Lord. So ten days into the New Year, I have my word and the Lord has cast the vision before me with a clear reminder to simply trust Him.
My Daddy is not bound by space and time.
In fact, He has all my days and all the good works He created me to do in Christ Jesus already figured out. He’s not in a rush at all. And He provides the energy to do them as I rest and trust Him with a quiet heart.
My Daddy is God of the impossible.
I’ve seen it before and I’m sure I’ll need to see it again, but I know for a fact God can do more in one minute when my heart is depending on Him, than I can do in days and days of striving.
My Daddy loves me and will never stop drawing me to Him.
Sleep is a precious gift God knows I need. And God is a precious, loving Daddy who will do what it takes to keep me close to Him. Even wear me out so that I’ll see His way is BEST. Always. In LOVE.
The vision God cast before me, including my word for the year, can be summed up in one simple favorite phrase John Piper slightly altered from the Westminster Shorter Catechism …
The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.
Here’s to the journey! And enjoying each step…
The answer came quicker than I expected.
It both frightened and thrilled me. Frightened me because this is an area I’ve known God wanted to talk over with me for some time. And I’ve sort of avoided the discussion because it felt impossible for me to “do” what I thought He wanted me to do. But these past few days God has shown me that it’s not so much about me “doing” but me resting in Him and my word for the year will happen.
What’s the word?
ENJOY.
And immediately after He gave me this word, He handed me a speaking engagement where my topic is none other than my word for the year. It’s about slowing the rush and enjoying the journey through knowing and enjoying Him.
Then He let the testing come to drive home His point.
In the past few weeks I’ve been blessed over and above what I could have asked or imagined. And with these awesome gifts has come a question.
Will you trust Me?
I keep saying, “Yes, Lord. I trust You.” And then I get busy trying to tie up all the loose ends of life... today. Loose ends like five years of scrapbooking pictures sitting in boxes begging to be put in my books. Homeschool lessons to schedule for next year. Books to read. A mom lit novel burning in my heart to finish before I jump into my contracted series. Sunday school lessons I’ve wanted to teach for a long time that require much of me to do well. Then there are the daily things of life that I hold dear…laughing with my children, snuggling with my husband, talking to my friends on the phone and by email.
I can’t do any of these well when I let the rush of “have to” get in the way of enjoying the journey.
So God had to exhaust me last night with the futility of trying to do it all and then show me today how life doesn’t work well if I refuse to obey His two greatest commandments.
Love God and love others as myself.
I’d put my agenda as my focus and missed the joy in the journey. I hadn’t loved God well because I decided to depend on me to get it done. I hadn’t loved myself well because I was sleep deprived and hurting with all the stuff I was putting on my shoulders. And I certainly hadn’t loved my most favorite others~ my family~ because I was grouchy and rushed in all I was trying to do.
So I took a nap.
And woke up this afternoon knowing for sure the Lord has so much to teach me this year! But I’m glad for it. I’m glad He never lets me get so caught up in my To-Do lists and agendas for long. He wants me to get this word for the year.
ENJOY.
Enjoy the sunrises I’m blessed to see, the precious moments I have talking with my Daddy before the day swings into motion, connecting with my hubby, the sweet hugs of my girls, talking with my friends, and feeling the pleasure of God as I do the work He’s called and created me to do.
I can’t do any of that when I’m in rush mode. And I certainly can’t do any of it with my whole heart resting in the Lord. So ten days into the New Year, I have my word and the Lord has cast the vision before me with a clear reminder to simply trust Him.
My Daddy is not bound by space and time.
In fact, He has all my days and all the good works He created me to do in Christ Jesus already figured out. He’s not in a rush at all. And He provides the energy to do them as I rest and trust Him with a quiet heart.
My Daddy is God of the impossible.
I’ve seen it before and I’m sure I’ll need to see it again, but I know for a fact God can do more in one minute when my heart is depending on Him, than I can do in days and days of striving.
My Daddy loves me and will never stop drawing me to Him.
Sleep is a precious gift God knows I need. And God is a precious, loving Daddy who will do what it takes to keep me close to Him. Even wear me out so that I’ll see His way is BEST. Always. In LOVE.
The vision God cast before me, including my word for the year, can be summed up in one simple favorite phrase John Piper slightly altered from the Westminster Shorter Catechism …
The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever.
Here’s to the journey! And enjoying each step…
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Keep a Quiet Heart
During this time of the year it seems so many people make and break New Year's resolutions, think back over the past year, look ahead hoping to make the New Year better, and yet there’s a vague sense that all isn't well. They feel...restless. Not sure why or how to fix it. So they get busy, get organized, pray more, do more, read more, and on and on the To-Do list grows.
Me too.
But today I'd had enough. I can't stand the static in my soul caused by the vague sense that something is wrong. So I prayed and wandered around in my thoughts digging up lies I'd believed in the past few days that were weighing heavy in my heart. Lies that are so familiar it bugs me to admit I'm still listening to them.
Lies as old as dirt, yet with a new twist. The “I’ll never be good enough” is now “I’ll never be a good enough writer—people will read my stuff and think it’s mindless drivel or full of sentimentality without any meat.” Or they won’t buy my books. Or I won’t win any awards or make it into a book catalog. Or this and that and even more of the other. An endless list of reasons why I’m “not good enough.” I already had a pretty long list of reasons before I added these writing ones.
The “I’m unlovable” lie has expanded to include the belief that I’m also a freak because my life isn’t a frenzy of activity during the holidays or any other time. And because I’m not busily involved with life, my kids are missing out and I’m not doing enough to serve. So I feel guilty. Add to that my comparing myself to talented authors and speakers whose biographies are filled with interesting accomplishments, and I come up short every time because I’m not doing enough. I’m not perfect enough, not nice enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough. And on and on the list of why I’m unlovable grows to unmanageable proportions.
I thought I’d dealt with these lists a year ago.
But there’s an enemy who doesn’t stop reciting those lists. An enemy who keeps whispering these lies are truth. So often they feel true. And often circumstances seem to confirm they are true.
Even though a tree on Calvary says different.
In the midst of realizing I was beginning to operate out of these lies again, a still small voice invited me to dance. I almost ignored it in favor of doing a Bible study that was on my To-Do list for today.
But the nudge was too strong and my heart longing too big to ignore the only One who could help me.
So I danced.
I told my Daddy all the things I’d believed while we swayed to the music. Then I started telling Him what I knew in my head was true. He stopped me there and spoke for Himself.
“You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased.”
I stopped dancing and fell on my knees crying.
It doesn’t matter to God what my biography says or how many good things I do. I’ve learned I can’t keep a quiet heart when I’m busy. And when my heart isn’t quiet I miss times like tonight with God.
That I can’t live without.
So I listened to His whispered words to my heart and let them sink deep. Because what He says is all that really matters.
And He says I’m His. I’m my Daddy’s daughter regardless of what my flesh or the world tell me I should be.
The Great I AM is my Daddy. And I am His.
With that truth, my heart quiets.
Me too.
But today I'd had enough. I can't stand the static in my soul caused by the vague sense that something is wrong. So I prayed and wandered around in my thoughts digging up lies I'd believed in the past few days that were weighing heavy in my heart. Lies that are so familiar it bugs me to admit I'm still listening to them.
Lies as old as dirt, yet with a new twist. The “I’ll never be good enough” is now “I’ll never be a good enough writer—people will read my stuff and think it’s mindless drivel or full of sentimentality without any meat.” Or they won’t buy my books. Or I won’t win any awards or make it into a book catalog. Or this and that and even more of the other. An endless list of reasons why I’m “not good enough.” I already had a pretty long list of reasons before I added these writing ones.
The “I’m unlovable” lie has expanded to include the belief that I’m also a freak because my life isn’t a frenzy of activity during the holidays or any other time. And because I’m not busily involved with life, my kids are missing out and I’m not doing enough to serve. So I feel guilty. Add to that my comparing myself to talented authors and speakers whose biographies are filled with interesting accomplishments, and I come up short every time because I’m not doing enough. I’m not perfect enough, not nice enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough. And on and on the list of why I’m unlovable grows to unmanageable proportions.
I thought I’d dealt with these lists a year ago.
But there’s an enemy who doesn’t stop reciting those lists. An enemy who keeps whispering these lies are truth. So often they feel true. And often circumstances seem to confirm they are true.
Even though a tree on Calvary says different.
In the midst of realizing I was beginning to operate out of these lies again, a still small voice invited me to dance. I almost ignored it in favor of doing a Bible study that was on my To-Do list for today.
But the nudge was too strong and my heart longing too big to ignore the only One who could help me.
So I danced.
I told my Daddy all the things I’d believed while we swayed to the music. Then I started telling Him what I knew in my head was true. He stopped me there and spoke for Himself.
“You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased.”
I stopped dancing and fell on my knees crying.
It doesn’t matter to God what my biography says or how many good things I do. I’ve learned I can’t keep a quiet heart when I’m busy. And when my heart isn’t quiet I miss times like tonight with God.
That I can’t live without.
So I listened to His whispered words to my heart and let them sink deep. Because what He says is all that really matters.
And He says I’m His. I’m my Daddy’s daughter regardless of what my flesh or the world tell me I should be.
The Great I AM is my Daddy. And I am His.
With that truth, my heart quiets.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
The Launch
The month of December has traditionally been a roller coaster ride~ all the joy of decorating, all the family stress of who travels where and when, and all the wide-eyed wonder of little ones. Add to that my wedding anniversary on New Year’s Eve and I have a sometimes enjoyably breathless, sometimes incredibly stressful December.
This year it’s been enjoyably breathless. Thank You, Lord!!!
My marriage has grown up by leaps and bounds and we’re enjoying a December that’s been filled with heart chocolate and warm snuggles. Thank you all for the prayers…. many of you have been His voice of truth to help me hang on to the fact that God is good and He has a good plan.
My kiddos have been joyous messes as we’ve baked cookies and wrapped and unwrapped lots of love in specially chosen packages. They’ve added so much sparkle to this special time of year.
On top of all that, God saw fit (in the fullness of His time) to extend an early Christmas present in the form of three published stories due out in March and October of 2006. I’m so excited about these stories because in each of them I get to share my heart and offer words of encouragement to three special groups of people~ fellow diabetics, expectant moms, and teen girls.
Adding to my excitement is my wonderful web designer husband who has my website almost ready to launch. And he’s done an amazing job. The debut will be THIS SATURDAY~ NEW YEAR’S EVE!!! (www.amywallace.com) My husband’s heart and talent shine bright on every page. This site is our way of ringing out a year of growth to be celebrated and ringing in a new year full of promise. Please come visit me there!
Then, just to be sure I got the message that God does indeed have good plans for me, He did something even better than I could ask or imagine…
He, through the wonderful people at Multnomah Publishers, extended a THREE BOOK CONTRACT!!!!!!!! Come February 2007 Ransomed Dreams will move from the dust bunny hideout under my desk to store shelves and beyond.
God is so good!!!!!
He was good when life hurt so badly I wanted to give up this time last year, and He is good now. What an awesome God we serve!
As we celebrate the end of 2005 and the beginning of 2006, please join me in dreaming big. God is good and He does have good plans for each one of us…
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
This year it’s been enjoyably breathless. Thank You, Lord!!!
My marriage has grown up by leaps and bounds and we’re enjoying a December that’s been filled with heart chocolate and warm snuggles. Thank you all for the prayers…. many of you have been His voice of truth to help me hang on to the fact that God is good and He has a good plan.
My kiddos have been joyous messes as we’ve baked cookies and wrapped and unwrapped lots of love in specially chosen packages. They’ve added so much sparkle to this special time of year.
On top of all that, God saw fit (in the fullness of His time) to extend an early Christmas present in the form of three published stories due out in March and October of 2006. I’m so excited about these stories because in each of them I get to share my heart and offer words of encouragement to three special groups of people~ fellow diabetics, expectant moms, and teen girls.
Adding to my excitement is my wonderful web designer husband who has my website almost ready to launch. And he’s done an amazing job. The debut will be THIS SATURDAY~ NEW YEAR’S EVE!!! (www.amywallace.com) My husband’s heart and talent shine bright on every page. This site is our way of ringing out a year of growth to be celebrated and ringing in a new year full of promise. Please come visit me there!
Then, just to be sure I got the message that God does indeed have good plans for me, He did something even better than I could ask or imagine…
He, through the wonderful people at Multnomah Publishers, extended a THREE BOOK CONTRACT!!!!!!!! Come February 2007 Ransomed Dreams will move from the dust bunny hideout under my desk to store shelves and beyond.
God is so good!!!!!
He was good when life hurt so badly I wanted to give up this time last year, and He is good now. What an awesome God we serve!
As we celebrate the end of 2005 and the beginning of 2006, please join me in dreaming big. God is good and He does have good plans for each one of us…
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Monday, December 12, 2005
Another cool God kiss
Last night, after enjoying a relaxing cup of eggnog by Christmas tree light with my wonderful hubby, we came down to the family room and got busy on our computers. I did some blog touring and catching up, which was great. My husband did some work on my soon-to-come website. This weekend he designed a yummy splash page to announce the coming soon. In my totally unbiased opinion I think it's awesome! ;-)
Here's the link: www.amywallace.com I'd love to hear what you think.
Before I went to bed, I surfed to a website I used to check often to see if I made it into my second book compilation. But enjoying Christmas with little ones has had me so happily busy I hadn't checked the site in a good while.
Well, last night I saw that the list was posted...
And....
I MADE IT!!!
The U-Turns book The Choices Teens Make will be coming out in October of 2006 with my story "If Only I Were Beautiful" in it. I'm SO excited!!!
Still no news about my two novels, but I'm learning with every baby step that God is good and He has good plans, contracts or not. It's nice, especially this bustling time of year, to relax and enjoy the goodness of God.
God kisses and heart chocolate make this the most wonderful time of the year for me!
Here's the link: www.amywallace.com I'd love to hear what you think.
Before I went to bed, I surfed to a website I used to check often to see if I made it into my second book compilation. But enjoying Christmas with little ones has had me so happily busy I hadn't checked the site in a good while.
Well, last night I saw that the list was posted...
And....
I MADE IT!!!
The U-Turns book The Choices Teens Make will be coming out in October of 2006 with my story "If Only I Were Beautiful" in it. I'm SO excited!!!
Still no news about my two novels, but I'm learning with every baby step that God is good and He has good plans, contracts or not. It's nice, especially this bustling time of year, to relax and enjoy the goodness of God.
God kisses and heart chocolate make this the most wonderful time of the year for me!
Friday, December 02, 2005
Merry Christmas with God kisses
Merry Christmas!!!
This is truly a most wonderful time of the year this time round! All the painful work God has done in this past year finally feels like it is coming together and creating an incredible holiday season I'm thoroughly enjoying with my family.
We started with a Thanksgiving to remember... dancing with my two year old to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and watching all three of my princesses wide-eyed wonder at the floats and singer and festivities. My youngest pointed to the Rockettes' routine on the TV and said, "mommy dance." I look nothing like a Rockette, but it sure felt nice to be so seen by my baby. ;-)
Since then we've enjoyed decorating the house, hanging precious picture ornaments together on the tree, having Christmas pictures taken, (and actually enjoying it!) and making a gingerbread Christmas tree. And we still have many more fun, memory-making things planned. Tomorrow we bake cookies and next week we are going to see the Nutcracker at the Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta.
Plus, we have the annual holiday trip to Brusters for scoops of eggnog and peppermint ice cream all around. And ice skating on Christmas Eve. Then my girls' favorite thing to do on Christmas Day...putting up the Baby Jesus on our advent calendar.
We’ve done most of these things for years now, but this year everything sparkles a little more through happy tears as we read Christmas stories and snuggle together by the glowing tree my girls picked out and their daddy cut down.
My heart is full and overflowing.
But that’s not all…here’s where the unexpected God kisses multiply.
As my family life has grown more and more healthy, I’m learning to enjoy the moments instead of frantically capture them. One huge God kiss after another there. My writing as well has taken me places I’ve never gone before—some amazing and some awful. I’m still waiting to hear back from two publishing houses that have been very interested in my first two novels. This is both amazing and awful at the same time. ;-) I’ve also made it to the final editor stage for three short stories, with contracts signed.
Then I found out the highest paying one fell through. I didn’t make the final cut. And it was the one I felt most sure I’d see it printed. I was sad, took it to God, and then moved on and kept working on my third book.
Here comes the coolest part…
Yesterday I got the entire galley for the Chicken Soup book my story didn’t make it into. I was shocked and decided to delete it, not wanting to know which ones made it without mine in there.
But my husband insisted I just look. So I did.
And there was my story.
It's the last one in this compilation. I get to close this awesome book with one of my favorite lines I’ve written to date.
“Dance. Even when life hurts. It’s worth every step.”
I made it after all!!!! I was in total shock. Then I shared the news with my girls and they danced around and said, “Yeah, Mommy!” That’s when I felt it.
My eyes watered…
My heartbeat grew faster…
And God bent down and whispered a kiss into my soul.
He does have good plans for me. For my writing and for my precious family. Because I’m His and He loves me.
To be loved like that is the greatest of all gifts my Daddy could have given me this most special time of the year.
Thank you, Abba. You’re the BEST!
This is truly a most wonderful time of the year this time round! All the painful work God has done in this past year finally feels like it is coming together and creating an incredible holiday season I'm thoroughly enjoying with my family.
We started with a Thanksgiving to remember... dancing with my two year old to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and watching all three of my princesses wide-eyed wonder at the floats and singer and festivities. My youngest pointed to the Rockettes' routine on the TV and said, "mommy dance." I look nothing like a Rockette, but it sure felt nice to be so seen by my baby. ;-)
Since then we've enjoyed decorating the house, hanging precious picture ornaments together on the tree, having Christmas pictures taken, (and actually enjoying it!) and making a gingerbread Christmas tree. And we still have many more fun, memory-making things planned. Tomorrow we bake cookies and next week we are going to see the Nutcracker at the Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta.
Plus, we have the annual holiday trip to Brusters for scoops of eggnog and peppermint ice cream all around. And ice skating on Christmas Eve. Then my girls' favorite thing to do on Christmas Day...putting up the Baby Jesus on our advent calendar.
We’ve done most of these things for years now, but this year everything sparkles a little more through happy tears as we read Christmas stories and snuggle together by the glowing tree my girls picked out and their daddy cut down.
My heart is full and overflowing.
But that’s not all…here’s where the unexpected God kisses multiply.
As my family life has grown more and more healthy, I’m learning to enjoy the moments instead of frantically capture them. One huge God kiss after another there. My writing as well has taken me places I’ve never gone before—some amazing and some awful. I’m still waiting to hear back from two publishing houses that have been very interested in my first two novels. This is both amazing and awful at the same time. ;-) I’ve also made it to the final editor stage for three short stories, with contracts signed.
Then I found out the highest paying one fell through. I didn’t make the final cut. And it was the one I felt most sure I’d see it printed. I was sad, took it to God, and then moved on and kept working on my third book.
Here comes the coolest part…
Yesterday I got the entire galley for the Chicken Soup book my story didn’t make it into. I was shocked and decided to delete it, not wanting to know which ones made it without mine in there.
But my husband insisted I just look. So I did.
And there was my story.
It's the last one in this compilation. I get to close this awesome book with one of my favorite lines I’ve written to date.
“Dance. Even when life hurts. It’s worth every step.”
I made it after all!!!! I was in total shock. Then I shared the news with my girls and they danced around and said, “Yeah, Mommy!” That’s when I felt it.
My eyes watered…
My heartbeat grew faster…
And God bent down and whispered a kiss into my soul.
He does have good plans for me. For my writing and for my precious family. Because I’m His and He loves me.
To be loved like that is the greatest of all gifts my Daddy could have given me this most special time of the year.
Thank you, Abba. You’re the BEST!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
A Martin Luther moment
Gearing up for the holidays has been something I've enjoyed since childhood. Unfortunately, growing up in the painful family I did, all my excitement usually ended with ugly family arguments or icy silence during and after the holiday.
This year is different. The family argument has already taken place before the holidays even started. But this time I’m different too. I laid appropriate boundaries and stuck with them even when my mother laid all the blame at my feet and said because of my boundaries she would not come visit and hung up on me.
Needless to say that was a hurtful conversation. But I took it to God and am still growing into all He’s show me through these circumstances. One of the first things He revealed was my “place” in my family of origin. I have, ever since I can remember, been the family “bad guy” and “scapegoat” because I tried to be the family counselor and no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I was the problem for saying we had a problem. When I became a Christian in my teens, I became even more of a “problem” because I had words to define the awful stuff that went on in my “everything looks good on the outside” family.
It took this year’s argument with my mother for me to face my role as the “bad guy” in my family. To see that I still believed her insults even though I pointed out what’s wrong in our family system and said I wouldn’t continue to walk that way.
But God had something different to say about who I am.
When I went to Him with all the hurt and all the painful things that were said, God took me to three different verses about blame. I’ve personalized them in my special Bible verse album (it’s a dollar store photo album) that I look through when I’m discouraged. It helps me remember the Truth.
The first verse was Ephesians 1:4: “For God chose Amy in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love…”
The next verse God showed me is one of my all-time favorites~ 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24: “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify Amy through and through. May Amy’s whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”
At this point the truth started to seep into those wounded places in my heart and wash out some entrenched lies. I don’t have to “get blameless” or prove anything to my family. God is the one who makes me blameless and keeps me blameless in Him. And, not to be cold, but it doesn’t matter what my family thinks. What they say and how they treat me is on them, not for me to bear and live as though it’s true.
How I act is another story.
So I started talking to God about all the ways I’ve failed to be a godly example to my family and all the ways I’ve failed to honor and respect my parents. I started to see how I’ve tried to push harder and work faster to get blameless and make myself perfect to avoid the painful rejections from my family when I did mess up. Instead of resting in God’s perfection, I tried to get there on my own.
Big mistake.
But one that is like all others… paid for at the Cross.
When I started thinking about the Cross, that’s when my Martin Luther moment happened. Like Luther’s reading in Romans and realizing salvation is by faith alone and the amazing revelation of God being a God of grace and love, I had my “ah-ha” moment reading in 1 Peter 2:23-24.
“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”
All I could think over and over in my mind and heart was, “Jesus bore my sin. Jesus bore my sin. Jesus bore my sin.”
While I’m pretty sure I had a vague understanding of this at salvation some twenty years ago, the everyday truth I missed. But in reading those verses and talking about all my family stuff with God, He made it real to me. I don’t have to bear my sins. In fact, I can’t. Jesus already did.
Even if my family wants a perfect Amy who sees no wrong or else I’m insulted and punished verbally for my opinions, I don’t have to receive what they believe and play the family scapegoat role. Jesus bore my sins. And He left me an example to follow as well as the Holy Spirit’s power within me to do as Jesus did.
So this holiday season will be different for me in many ways. While I won’t see any of my birth family and that saddens me some, I also won’t be playing the old family role either. I’m stepping into a healthier place. One where I hope and pray my parents and siblings will choose to join me. I’m trying to invite them in little ways. But even if my family doesn’t respond, this truth and the healthier place it has produced in me is bearing fruit in my own family. I’m learning in action that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved, and neither do they. My husband and I and our precious princesses are being freed by this truth to enjoy each other and celebrate this holiday season with renewed hope.
We give thanks because Jesus came as a baby and grew into a man for the purpose of bearing the sins of the world on a tree.
My girls and I were talking about this a few days ago. About how the shadow of the cross was on the infant in the manger. What an amazing truth.
I pray I’ll remember each day that the shadow of the cross rests on me because the blood shed there paid for my sins. Totally. The only role I have is that of God’s Beloved Child. I don’t ever want to forget or fail to be moved by this simple truth…
Jesus bore my sins.
This year is different. The family argument has already taken place before the holidays even started. But this time I’m different too. I laid appropriate boundaries and stuck with them even when my mother laid all the blame at my feet and said because of my boundaries she would not come visit and hung up on me.
Needless to say that was a hurtful conversation. But I took it to God and am still growing into all He’s show me through these circumstances. One of the first things He revealed was my “place” in my family of origin. I have, ever since I can remember, been the family “bad guy” and “scapegoat” because I tried to be the family counselor and no one wanted to hear what I had to say. I was the problem for saying we had a problem. When I became a Christian in my teens, I became even more of a “problem” because I had words to define the awful stuff that went on in my “everything looks good on the outside” family.
It took this year’s argument with my mother for me to face my role as the “bad guy” in my family. To see that I still believed her insults even though I pointed out what’s wrong in our family system and said I wouldn’t continue to walk that way.
But God had something different to say about who I am.
When I went to Him with all the hurt and all the painful things that were said, God took me to three different verses about blame. I’ve personalized them in my special Bible verse album (it’s a dollar store photo album) that I look through when I’m discouraged. It helps me remember the Truth.
The first verse was Ephesians 1:4: “For God chose Amy in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love…”
The next verse God showed me is one of my all-time favorites~ 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24: “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify Amy through and through. May Amy’s whole spirit, soul, and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.”
At this point the truth started to seep into those wounded places in my heart and wash out some entrenched lies. I don’t have to “get blameless” or prove anything to my family. God is the one who makes me blameless and keeps me blameless in Him. And, not to be cold, but it doesn’t matter what my family thinks. What they say and how they treat me is on them, not for me to bear and live as though it’s true.
How I act is another story.
So I started talking to God about all the ways I’ve failed to be a godly example to my family and all the ways I’ve failed to honor and respect my parents. I started to see how I’ve tried to push harder and work faster to get blameless and make myself perfect to avoid the painful rejections from my family when I did mess up. Instead of resting in God’s perfection, I tried to get there on my own.
Big mistake.
But one that is like all others… paid for at the Cross.
When I started thinking about the Cross, that’s when my Martin Luther moment happened. Like Luther’s reading in Romans and realizing salvation is by faith alone and the amazing revelation of God being a God of grace and love, I had my “ah-ha” moment reading in 1 Peter 2:23-24.
“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.”
All I could think over and over in my mind and heart was, “Jesus bore my sin. Jesus bore my sin. Jesus bore my sin.”
While I’m pretty sure I had a vague understanding of this at salvation some twenty years ago, the everyday truth I missed. But in reading those verses and talking about all my family stuff with God, He made it real to me. I don’t have to bear my sins. In fact, I can’t. Jesus already did.
Even if my family wants a perfect Amy who sees no wrong or else I’m insulted and punished verbally for my opinions, I don’t have to receive what they believe and play the family scapegoat role. Jesus bore my sins. And He left me an example to follow as well as the Holy Spirit’s power within me to do as Jesus did.
So this holiday season will be different for me in many ways. While I won’t see any of my birth family and that saddens me some, I also won’t be playing the old family role either. I’m stepping into a healthier place. One where I hope and pray my parents and siblings will choose to join me. I’m trying to invite them in little ways. But even if my family doesn’t respond, this truth and the healthier place it has produced in me is bearing fruit in my own family. I’m learning in action that I don’t have to be perfect to be loved, and neither do they. My husband and I and our precious princesses are being freed by this truth to enjoy each other and celebrate this holiday season with renewed hope.
We give thanks because Jesus came as a baby and grew into a man for the purpose of bearing the sins of the world on a tree.
My girls and I were talking about this a few days ago. About how the shadow of the cross was on the infant in the manger. What an amazing truth.
I pray I’ll remember each day that the shadow of the cross rests on me because the blood shed there paid for my sins. Totally. The only role I have is that of God’s Beloved Child. I don’t ever want to forget or fail to be moved by this simple truth…
Jesus bore my sins.
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