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Monday, March 03, 2014

Praying Dangerously: March Week One

Who am I?

I'm a mom, a daughter, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a writer, an instructor, a runner, and a whole host of other things.

But who I am is so much more than the sum of my titles.

Who am I?

I survived a broken home, abuse, and so many more horrific things.

Those things are part of who I am too.

I've won awards, helped people meet Jesus, touched heaven in prayer, helped save lives, and helped point people back to Jesus.

Those amazing moments make up part of who I am too.

Who am I?

I'm the daughter of the King of kings, I'm a beloved child of my heavenly Father, and I have a Daddy who sings over me and rejoices that He made me.

I wish only that last paragraph defined me all the time.

But it doesn't.

Too often what most defines me is who I believe I am, how I see myself.

And too often I take my cues from what someone else said I am.

A disappointment.
A mistake.
Too much.
Too little.
A failed marriage.
A lost friendship.

I listen to the whisper under the words of all the people who walked out on me.

You'll never measure up.
You'll never be good enough.

Why do I listen to that voice when I know it belongs to the father of lies?

Because it sounds like the voices of people who promised to stay and didn't. Who were supposed to love me but didn't.

And I sometimes wonder if I'll ever learn to listen to the Voice of Truth.

The One who never breaks His promises and never walks away.

I think the voices the enemy of our soul uses are too familiar. Maybe that's why we listen.

I know I'm not alone.

I've taught too many writers about lies we and our characters believe and watched eyes mist over and heads nod.

I've listened to many friends and many teens say some of the same words I said above.

The good news is I know the way out of the lie pit, the self pity pit, and the dark place where only hurt seems to define a person.

It's simple...but not easy.

And it starts with asking the right person one simple question- who am I?

But then you have to listen.

First to who you say you are. Not who you want to believe you are, but who deep down you believe you are.

Who your past seems to scream you are.

The little kid who remembers hearing he was a mistake. Or a disappointment. Or a failure. Or to blame.

The teen some boy said wasn't pretty enough or some girl said wasn't worth her time.

The young adult so bent of proving her worth, she forgot to believe it for herself.

The adult who got traded in for a new model, passed over for a promotion, or just feels invisible.

See, I can quote chapter and verse to myself and to you about who God says we are.

But until we look at who we really believe we are, until we expose those other voices for what they are- lies- we won't hear the One Voice that has so much good to say.

So my challenge this week is to get alone and get quiet long enough to ask yourself: who am I?

Who did my family say I was? Who do other voices in the past say I am? Who do I really believe I am?

Make yourself listen.

Let yourself cry.

Then get ready.

Because the next question can change everything. But only if you've gotten honest with yourself and allowed God to show you what's really in your heart.

Once you've acknowledged the lies and poured out the pain, you're ready for an even more important question.

Who do You say I am, God?

Make yourself listen.

Let yourself cry.

And believe.

Then keep listening. Because this Voice is Truth. And He has so much good to say.


Judy said...

very definitely something to think about. And I know all about hearing that too familiar voice that tries to hit us from all sides....

BTW, Amy, I think you have a book in these musings. Ever think about non fiction? That's where I had my first published pieces. It seems to be more my niche than any other area. I'm 65 so have a lot of life experience, as do you, despite your young age.
God bless.

Amy Wallace said...

Thank you, Judy! I so appreciate your encouragement.

My hope and prayer is to compile these musings into a book on prayer. Another of my big prayers only God can make happen. For now I'm writing what He gives me to say and praying the words continue to touch hearts and point people to Him.

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