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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

“Just give me Jesus.”

I read that quote by Anne Graham Lotz this morning and all I could think was how much I wished that were the cry of my heart.

I want it to be.

But too often it's more along the lines of "I want Jesus plus ___"

I want Jesus and to lose weight.

I want Jesus and for lots of people to like me.

I want Jesus and a less stressful life.

Yeah, I know none of those things will make me okay. I still find myself longing for them. And none of them are inherently sinful. But it's the realization that while I do want Jesus, I'm just not sure I can honestly say I'm content if none of those things happen.

God is working on that in me.

And I'm not particularly enjoying the process.

God and I have been around this mountain before. Slightly different circumstances, but the same core issue. Is God enough? Can I truly rest in His love alone?

Author Marcus Ryan has a book out called Restless Journey. While he writes for men, I still found some powerful words that resonated with my own struggles, the inner unsettledness that's been plaguing me lately. Marcus says, "Feelings of restlessness, uneasiness, and inadequacy come from a sense of not knowing who you truly are."

That sentence shot an arrow to my heart. It's when I take my focus off Jesus that I start grasping for bits and pieces of things that I hope will make me feel okay. I believe the lie that I’m worthless and not loveable. I forget who I am and slip into the mindset that if I looked this way or had this thing or that popularity, then life would be better.

Sometimes I wonder how God puts up with me.

But then a whisper of truth captures my attention. God doesn't put up with me. He LOVES me. He doesn't shake His head and say, "This again?" He simply says, "Come." And when I do, He wraps me in His arms and reminds me exactly who I am.

I am His.

When I live in that moment of time, fully present with my heavenly Daddy, I believe His words. Their sweetness and peace wrap around me as I go through my days. But only if I take the time to remember. To obey Jesus' words and "Come" to Him.

That's my prayer for this Lenten season and beyond. That God would teach my heart even more to remember. Because it's in remembering who Jesus is that I can rest in who I am.


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