There are days I wish change was as easy as a whispered prayer or a "10 steps to holiness" routine.
In fact, after a conversation with my best friend I'm starting to wonder if there exists this thing I've strained toward called a "fixing point." A place I can set my sights on where I’m “fixed.”
I have set my counselor's mind on the belief that if we go deep into our hearts with God and deal with the lies there, (for an understanding of how that works, check out The Fear Factor blog post) we'll come to a place of deep healing and our attitudes and actions will change.
I still believe that.
What I'm starting to question is if we'll ever "get it right" enough to completely change, and if growth is linear and we’ll ever get to the point where we stop stumbling backward. This pondering had me pretty melancholy over the weekend. I mean, if there's not a place of growth where I finally get it right, what's the point in trying?
God held up a mirror and revealed my heart in this issue.
He spoke through my best friend's voice when she said, "If we can attain perfection, then why would we need God?"
I realized my attitude in wanting a fixing point was one of self-reliance and self-achievement. Not to mention self-gratification.
Wouldn't life be easier if I got "perfect" and everyone around me did the same?
I'm starting to see that mindset isn’t honoring God at all.
Sure He invites us to cry out to Him. But are we asking for our hearts and lives to change for His sake and His glory, or ours? Too often I have to admit my focus is on me and what I want God to do for me.
What God is showing me right now is that my “fixing point” needs to be Jesus and Jesus alone.
Not some standard of behavior.
Not some false idea that “perfection” lies in anything I can do.
Not some idea that healing is based on what I realize and how I perform.
But like Hebrews 12 says, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.”
It’s God who does the work in us. I wish I didn’t forget that so easily and slip back onto the performance treadmill.
Thanks be to God that He doesn’t keep a list of how many times we fail and He doesn’t shake His head and wish we’d have gotten it by now.
I’m praying I’ll show that kind of grace to those around me. And to myself.
I want to run to Jesus just because I want Him and not only for His healing. He’s growing that desire in me. I pray He is in you too.
I also pray we’ll make our “fixing point” Jesus and trust Him to work His healing work in us and to keep drawing us deeper and deeper into Christ.
He promises He will complete this very work He’s begun in us.
Here’s to learning to rest in that and seeing Christ’s perfection poured out through us as we fix our eyes on Jesus.