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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

I'm a failure

Edits on Healing Promises have been pure torture in the midst of needing shoulder surgery, a very defiant three year old, and not balancing life well.

But everything is multiplied in pain when the response to circumstances is to believe a lie. That's what I realized I was doing today, thanks to the proverbial straw that broke everything apart.

After a mammoth temper tantrum, God got my attention. I started looking at this book I'm struggling with and suddenly realized Sara story had become mine and I was missing the point.

So I put aside the work, got quiet before God and listened to what was really going on behind the scenes. Once again, He showed me that I'd bought into a lie from the enemy about being a failure as a parent, a writer, and in just about every other area imaginable.

In so doing I helped the enemy destroy.

God and I spent some amazing time talking about my fears of failure and what I'd done in response. Deep sadness, confession, and forgiveness, broke through the barrier I'd built with God. Then I heard what He had to say about me.

That made all the difference.

The Holy Spirit whispered a verse to my heart that spoke right to what I'd been missing and crushed the lies I'd lived by with clear truth.

God said, "I know the plans I have for you, to give you hope and a future."

Exactly what I needed. God's gift of hope and His promise that He does indeed have a future for me. I have no idea what form that will take. But God knows.

And now He and I have some real writing to do.

Please keep praying! What a gift it is to know none of us is alone in this battle and that in the end God is good and He truly does have a good plan for each and every one of us.


Lori said...

Been praying for you. Sorry to hear you have surgery in your future. I had a proverbial temper tantrum about a week ago, I felt so much better afterwards =)

Praying you through.

Rel said...

I'm with Laurel, my friend! YOu have been on my mind a lot this morning - I will email soon :)

Amy Wallace said...

Thanks so much for praying me through! God is doing some very good things in my heart. I just wish I didn't have to have a temper tantrum to see how much I need Him!

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