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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Into the desert

Deserts are not my idea of a wonderful place to visit. I much prefer the beach. ;-) But right now I'm being led into a desert. It's lonely, hot, and the salt of my tears stings.

Did I mention my air conditioning broke last night too?

God does have a sense of humor. ;-)

He also has a loving word to speak to me in this desert. I started to hear it this morning. After days of crying my eyes out and trying to fill the void left in my heart by someone I deeply loved who rejected me, God whispered a reminder of truth.

I picked up Beth Moore's book Praying God’s Word and opened to the chapter entitled “The Insecurity of Feeling Unloved.” There I read the words I’d quoted in a blog not too long ago about The Call of God. “Our need does not constitute anyone else’s call but God’s.” It’s as if Beth penned those words for me and where I am right now. I know God did, whether Beth knew it or not.

God also brought a verse to mind from Hosea 2:14 that I’d recently read in Scotty Smith’s book Objects of His Affection. It says “I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.” In this chapter of Hosea God is talking about unfaithful Israel running after her worthless lovers and how God will draw her back to Himself and make the Valley of Trouble a door of hope.

See, I’ve been praying for God to show me how to depend on Him, how to look to Him to meet my needs. He’s answering loud and clear. Beth Moore’s quote, the verse from Hosea, and the valley of trouble that has come into my life are all becoming crystal clear reminders that God has good in store for me, even if I have to spend time in a painful desert.

Another quote in Beth Moore’s chapter on feeling unloved says so well what the Lord is doing in my heart. “No love of the natural heart is safe unless the human heart has been satisfied by God first.” Oswald Chambers.

I still wish God would take me to the beach instead of the desert.

But in the hot, shifting sands I’m living in, God is still good. I’m clinging to that. He has a good plan. Even when I have to tell my daughters we could be moving. My precious middle daughter said this morning as we talked about what’s ahead and the possibility of me teaching in a school again, “But Mommy, we’re home schooled. I want to be with you and my sisters.” My heart about shattered. If it hadn’t already been broken to pieces, it probably would have burst. I had to explain to myself and to my girls that even though things are happening that we don’t want, we have to trust God has a good plan and He loves us and will take care of us.

Even in the desert.

Other verses from the chapter on feeling unloved in Praying God’s Word helped me get out of bed this morning. I literally need God’s Word to put one foot in front of the other. I prayed 1 John 3:19 “O God, please set my heart at rest in Your Presence.” Then my eyes found these words on the next page, “when troubled times come, you may not know what will befall you, but you can hear the steady pulse of the boundless love of Him who holds you.”

I’m learning to curl up in my heavenly Daddy’s arms… and rest. This is God’s time for me to experience Colossians 2:10, “You are complete in Him.”

I would appreciate your prayers as we journey through this desert. Pray that I’ll not wander forty years like the Israelites, but that I will believe the Truth and choose to abide in the One who knows me best and loves me most. It is God I want to cling to in the desert.

And when He takes me to the beach too.

He did fix my air conditioning this morning. ;-) And He’s mending my heart, drawing me to Him.

That’s right where I want to be.

God is good... all the time... and in every place.

Thank you for praying.


my_Romancer said...

Mrs. Amy, I have to tell you that you are my encouragment to keep going. I have not wanted to go to God because of a lot of things, but you have been through way more than me, and you still run to God. Even if you have no incling of wanting to! You know!
I wish I could have something amazing to say that would help, but I am finding that nothing but God's words can help. I am being led into a place I don't want to go, I have no choice! I could do it my way, but I have been the past 8 years, and I am tired. There is some anger I have never seen before, and it seems like I am going nowhere! But in that time, there is hope that I can't explain, I cannot even imagine! It says, things look crazy, but I am in conrol. God is taking me by the hand. I wish it was over though and I learned every thing that I needed to learn, like a fast forward button. Yet; I would miss the experience of every thing good.
I'm so sad you got hurt. I'm so sad! I have been crying just for you. I hope that means something to you! You mean so much to me. I wish we lived near each other; so that we could go out and talk more.

Heather said...

I'm praying, too. Thanks for sharing your heart that longs after your Daddy in a dry and weary land where there is no water.


Amy Wallace said...

Jen, Christin, and Heather...

Thank you so much for your prayers, your tears, and your words of encouragement!

I love you!

upwords said...

I'm praying too. For everyone. :)

Amy Wallace said...

Thank you, Mary!!! Thank you. We still need it. Life is so tough... but God is good.


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