Opened Eyes

It's been a long time since I've heart blogged and I'm feeling it. Sometimes it's because I have nothing worth saying. Most of the time, it's because God is still working in me and I don't have the words to explain.

But today God opened my eyes once again to a truth I've been struggling with for years. Today I have words express a little of what He's doing in me.

I can sum it up in a short statement: I've wasted a lot of life by living disrespectfully. From not calling my dad "Sir" when I knew that's what he wanted to being ugly in my attitude, tone of voice, and words to anyone and everyone who offended me.

It's doubtful most people who know me have seen any of this. I kept almost all of it inside. Buried it deep in my heart.

Until I got married. Then my husband got the full force of years of hurt. Some he created. A lot he didn't.

All of it disobedience to the Lord.

Deep inside, I knew my disrespectful attitude and actions were wrong. But I grew up believing love was supposed to be unconditional and respect had to be earned. I didn't know how to change those knee-jerk reactions.

Thankfully, God does.

It's taken years of sermons, books and talking with wise believers for me to willingly look up and ask God if respect was an issue I really needed schooling in.

I started doing that months ago.

And I do believe God laughed.

Not to be mean. But more along the lines of joy at knowing that I'm listening. And maybe a little humor at the enormous understatement of me thinking I "might" need to learn a bit about respect.

God has been faithful to open my eyes, break my pride and provide plenty of opportunities for me to exercise respect.

Let me just say very little of this path has been fun.

Then again, the benefits have been beyond compare. One of the best has been sensing God's smile as I react differently, especially to my family.

Another has been a far more peaceful and quiet heart. I'm spending less time thinking up sarcastic zingers and more time praying.

It's weird, but today I was working with one of the kids on a task that before has brought tears to both of us. And the words that flew out of my mouth this morning stunned me.

Then I smiled.

So did my little one.

Because the words weren't harsh, they were smiling and encouraging. And I had to laugh and look up again.

I know God smiled. Because the words were His. And my heart filled with awe at what He's doing and will continue to do.

It still amazes me what a difference a word spoken with kindness and respect can do. To the heart of the one speaking and to each of the hearers.

I pray my children are able to see the difference. I know their eyes are wide open to the lessons I'm teaching with every action and word. That used to frighten me. Now, I'm learning to keep my eyes open too. And fixed on the only perfect example.

The One who smiles when we look up. And who is ever willing to show us what we need to best reflect His love— the love He pours over us each and every day.