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Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Pain lane comments

I have read and reread the amazing comments posted to my last blog. Coupled with an Oswald Chambers devotion my husband sent me today, I’m starting to gain some footing.

The title of the Oswald Chambers devotion was “Going Through Spiritual Confusion.” Pretty appropriate for where I am.

“There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you…Stand firm in the faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing.”~ September 12 My Utmost for His Highest

Maybe what has me at a better place is just the permission to “be” from this devotion and loving friends’ words. That alone is gold. But it’s also the realization that I’m not alone in the experience of pain and the spiritual confusion that has followed.

Knowing that I’m not alone in making it to the other side is also huge.

I’m not on that “other side” yet. It doesn’t feel like I’ll get there soon either. But for today, right this moment, I can say I’m okay because I know I’m loved. I’m prayed for. And even though God feels distant, I know He is not.

Special thanks go out to…

My husband~ thanks for loving me when I’m acting far from loveable. Your prayers, words, and emails are helping chip away at the walls I’ve allowed to surround my heart in recent months.

Kirstin~ your honest openness blows me away. I do remember when you couldn’t sing “Jesus Loves Me” and when someone showed up at your door with that money order. Remembering those times brought tears to my eyes… something I haven’t experienced lately. It felt good to feel again. Thank you. Knowing you know well where I am right now and that you are an awesome example of “God’s grace is sufficient” gives me hope. Something I needed very much.

Sally~ I’m honored to be in such good company. Thank you for your prayers and your words borne of understanding and deep faith. Remembering that God Himself is interceding for me and that my Daddy’s lap is never closed to me were words I needed to hear.

Hannah~ your wisdom and grace far exceed your years. Thank you for reminding me “it’s okay!” and that being real is exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Heather~ your hugs and prayers have spanned the miles between us. Thank you!

Sharon~ your post was one of those tangible reminders of His love that you are praying for. Thank you. You’ve listened to me spout off about life and writing stress and returned to me abundant grace and encouragement. God is most definitely in your words.

Kaye~ thank you for permission to do the very things that so many think are “unspiritual” but are in truth total honesty. I love Job and appreciated the reminder that Job’s honesty before God was commended. God knows our hearts anyway and trying to hide that helps no one.

Even without answers or a reprieve from the pain that I’ve been hoping would come sooner than later, just typing those thank you’s reminds me of how much I’ve been given.

Thank you.

For the prayers.

For reading here on this blog.

And for caring.

Not only that, but also for being living stones of remembrance, a gift of encouragement. How powerful are good words spoken at just the right moment!

5 comments:

Sally said...

Amy,
As I have been driving the 45 min commute to and from the courthouse this week, I've been listening to a local Christian radio station and I keep hearing this song...and I always think of you. I can't help but believe that it is a message to you from God. Here are the lyrics. I think you can listen to the song if you go to www.klove.com
************
I'm not alone, I really believe
You never go, You never leave
Here and now, You always stay
I love you could not be said a better way

It's everything You've promised
There's no greater love than this
From prophets until today
A man laying down His life for His friends
Your sacrifice has spoken, You gave everything
And I love you could not be said
A better way

I am forgiven, I clearly see
It's why You came to do all you did for me
Trading earth with heaven, You took my place
I love you could not be said
A better way

Because You redeem, I know what's to come
Everything I could lose here, You've already won
So You have my surrender, with passion obey
I love you could not be said
A better way

Downhere - A Better Way
From the album Wide-Eyed and Mystified

Sally said...

Here's the other song that I've been hearing (you know how you hear certain songs just when you need them?) This song is speaking so deeply into my life right now that I wanted to share it with you.

It's by Superchicks...it's called "Stand in the Rain."

Superchic[k] - Stand In The Rain
From the album Beauty From Pain 1.1

She never slows down
She doesn't know why
But she knows that when she's all alone
It feels like it's all coming down

She won't turn around
The shadows are long
And she fears if she cries that first tear
The tears will not stop raining down

Chorus:
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won's make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself
And the fear's whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down

She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything
She's running from
Wants to give up and lie down

David said...

Amy,

You are so awesome! I am so privileged to walk through this with you. As you know I'm far from perfect and fail to be what you need as a husband sometimes, but I'm so glad that God is your perfect Father and lover of your soul and will never fail you.

I hope God will use me in your life as much as He has used you in mine. I love you so much and will continue praying and fighting for you.

LYMYB!!!!

Amy Wallace said...

Thank you so much for these lyrics, Sally! Music speaks to me when most everything else fails. Thank you for reaching me in a way that speaks deeply!

Amy

Amy Wallace said...

I love you, honey! I'm so glad you're on my side in all this mess and praying.

LOVE YOU!
Amy

 
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