Health and healthlessness

Today has been another one of those unfairytale like days. Not because of my kiddos, they were gems today. But because of my health. Being an eighteen-year veteran of diabetes, I'm well accustomed to the daily difficulties of this illness. God has shown me so much about living dependent on Him through this chronic condition that I wouldn't trade what I've learned. I would however, trade this illness in less than a heartbeat.

I believe with all I am that God can heal me, and He will. Maybe not this side of heaven, but it's coming. Right this moment the longing for that day mixes with fear of what will happen before healing arrives. The battle to believe God does what's best is tough. Tougher still when it hurts both physically and emotionally.

My blood sugars continue to hang around 300 (normal is 70-120) and I feel like curling in a ball and going to sleep forever. Everything hurts and my emotions run wild about the possible complications ahead if I can't get things under control. I try to ignore the thoughts, try to pray, but emotions don't obey like a well-trained pet.

Before anyone panics, this isn't the first time I've had a day like today, nor will it be the last. I've done the protocol required and if it continues to stay high I'll be talking to my doctor. It could be as simple as a cold my body is fighting, or hormones arguing about the self-imposed chocolate detox I'm doing today.

Whatever it is, I know God's in control.

And that's where I'm going to hang out in my mind. God is sovereign. God is good. I'll fight the fight of faith.

Will you join me?