I finally know why 2010 was such a difficult year. But the answer isn't encouraging... it's scary.
I spent a few hours yesterday in a new endocrinologist's office to learn that the explanation for all the injuries, severe muscle fatigue/pain I live with, and the lack of concentration has a name. Grave's disease.
There's no great treatment for this auto-immune disease either. I could have my thyroid removed. Or have radioactive iodine treatment to kill my thyroid. Or take pills that could possibly cause hypothyroid, a condition I've experienced that made getting out of bed all but impossible.
I spent last night crying. I live with diabetes, another auto-immune disease that makes life a challenge. But I've done things my doctors said I could never do. I've given birth to three beautiful and healthy children. I've lived complication-free a decade longer than they said I should. I've kept my eyesight.
And I've known for a long time it wasn't anything I did, but the grace of a loving God that enabled me to live and do more than survive.
That same God has been graciously close to me today. He started by showing me verse after verse in the Bible where God uses the weak things to show His glory and strength.
These verses were a direct response to the pain I got out of bed with this morning.
God was near when I talked to my children about Grave's disease and answered questions about what happens next.
The reality is I don't know. I could go into remission and possibly be free of injury and muscle weakness and dogging fatigue.
But God spoke clearly this morning to my heart. I can live in fear and push beyond my abilities to accomplish what needs to be done.
I can despair and give up.
Or I can lean into God no matter what the circumstances and experience how the joy of the Lord is my strength.
I think I'll choose option three.